I Like The Dancer
by VintageHeartss
Summary: When you're a 19 year old virgin as timid and vulnerable as Haru, and the first thing you do with your freedom is move away and go to a local strip club alone, don't expect to leave without at least two guys hitting on you, the dancer's digits, and the show of your life. (AU). (Very smutty).
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

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**_Main Ship: RinHaru - Side Ships: MakoHaru l Reigisa l and more._**

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The music was way too loud, and I was way too fragile. Things like this took some getting use to. Things like this took some making friends first, but I guess I was just bored.

I don't normally go to clubs, not if I can help it, which, I usually could. But my mom had called me earlier today to check on me; wanted to see how I was doing in my new apartment. She missed me already. We did our usual, _Mom, I'm an adult now. I can handle myself _spat that we normally did, but no matter how hard I slammed my fist against the table, it always ended in a hug session of I love you's. Her being so far away now, however, there wasn't a way to reach out and grab her through the phone, and I could already feel a sort of aching in my heart as we hung up the conversation.

It was my first time being away from home, and so far at that. But I was nineteen now, and ready to just be, well, free. As much as I loved my mother, and I did, I loved her dearly.. But sometimes too much love is unhealthy. Sometimes a man just needs his space. It took a bit of convincing before she finally gave me my wings.

She told me to have some fun tonight. Told me I ought to enjoy myself while I'm still young. _Drink a beer, kiss a 10, _she said. The thought of either of those things made me self-conscious, especially hearing them from my mother; made me feel even more pathetic then I actually was. I've never actually done either before, so, maybe I was pathetic.. Or, maybe I was just waiting. Maybe I just wasn't ready. Maybe that was why I had no friends. Or, maybe I was just smart. Yeah, let's go with that one.

She'd been constantly egging me on ever since I mentioned moving to a new town, something about recreating myself, telling me to put the floaties down for a while and use the water to bathe. Swimming was the only thing that kept my head from drowning in my pool of misery. I swam everyday. Sometimes I'd just sit in our pool the entire day and drown in my imagination, or spend hours thinking about the future. Fearing the future. But I had promised her I'd try something different for a change, though I highly doubted I'd find anything that could replace the love I had for the water. The water and I were soulmates, destined to wade in each others current. But I'd try, I told her. I'd definitely try.

Being in a large, crowded room surrounded by people having fun while I was alone was no unfamiliar territory. It was just like everyday back in my home town. I scrunched my shoulders together as I swam my way through the sea of bodies to reach the little island by the bar I had claimed ownership to. Sitting with a hand to my cheek and my back hunched over, I made the stereotypical presentation of the total loser at the party by himself while everyone else in the room danced wildly over at the floor.

"You want a drink?" A rather sympathetic voice caught me off-guard in my painful daze. My eyes made no hesitation to fix in the direction in which the voice met my ear. A rather tall, quite handsome man with gentle eyes smiled at me from behind the bar. He wore an apron, symbolizing his employment to the club, or to the bar for that matter. _Tachibana; _my eyes went directly to his name tag. A name always struck my curiosity, though I don't know why. Perhaps it was because you could sometimes tell a lot about a person by their name. At least, I could.

My natural response was to say no. _Drink a beer, kiss a 10, _my mother had said.

"Sure, why not." I couldn't keep avoiding it, right? Wasn't this sort of like taking the first step into adulthood? Well, besides the whole _moving from home _thing. He grinned at me, a laugh an octave slightly higher than expected escaping his lips. His expressions were weird in a way; sort of freaked me out.

"Coming right up." I watched him prepare my drink. I don't know why I felt nervous, but the fact that I was having my first drink did play a big role when it finally hit me. Did it really taste as bad as it looked in the movies, you know, when the kid tries it for the first time and they end up spitting it out? Or, was it really so good that people could get so addicted to it to the point where they need rehab? Both theories frightened me, and now I wasn't quite sure if _having a beer _was a good idea. He did that thing where he slid my drink across the table, the way they described it in the books I've read. Oh gosh, now it was time to use my oh-so terrible catching reflexes.

"It's okay," he laughed. "I'll go get you another one." I sat sunken in my shame, a finger massaging my temple as I shook my head.

"You know what? I'm good." Maybe it just wasn't meant to be tonight. He caught a glimpse of my humiliation and let out a painful giggle, painful to me at least; he seemed to be enjoying himself rather well.

"Name's Makoto," he said, reaching out a hand. _Makoto? _I didn't question it aloud.

"I had a dog named Makoto once..." Haruka, you idiot, he doesn't care. "I-I mean, Haru. I mean my name is Haru, not the dog.. The dog's name was actually Makoto. I was saying _I mean Haru _because I meant I should have told you my name first before I went on about my dead dog..." Oh gosh, this was why I had no friends. Already, I made myself look like a complete baboon around this guy. Or buffoon, whatever the phrase was.

"I know what you meant." My eyes couldn't help but notice the obvious quivering that his lips took part in. It was as if he were holding back the world's greatest explosion of laughter known to mankind. And why the hell was he so red? Everything about him made me feel uncomfortable to the point where I wanted to take off flying.

"So, did you come here to see the _Legend_?" he asked out of awkward air. After collecting the pieces of what remained of my pride, I managed to raise a glance in his direction once more.

"Who?" I asked a bit too softly over the pulsing stereo.

"You mean, you don't know...?" Goodness, he seemed so shocked by whatever he was on about, and I proceeded to shake my head slowly.

"Well, I just moved here about a week ago. I'm fairly new to the neighborhood and, I don't know anyone really."

"Dude, you have to have been living under a rock not to know who the Legend is; he's known all over the world," the green-eyed man proclaimed with great enthusiasm. The way he seemed to talk with such passion for everything he said made me sort of feel bad about myself. He was the type of person who made you come to conclusions like, _I had been living under a rock, haven't I? _I knew much of nothing when it came to pop-culture and celebrity lives. I was more of a book-man. Give me a good fantasy fiction, and you'd lose me for a couple hours.

"He's preforming tonight. As a matter of fact, he's preforming any second now. Look at you, you came on the right day." Makoto's smile seemed to get brighter each time. He was struggling with untying his apron, when a second man came barging in through the side door behind the bar table.

"Get out of here, dork, unless you'd like my shift as well," he called to Makoto, strapping on his own apron in the process. This man wore glasses, and had striking features. His cheekbones were quite the definition of defined, and his eyes were a sparkling, deep purple. It was as if the word _intelligent_ had been tattooed on his forehead the way his upright posture and expression had near screamed it.

"Alright, alright. You act like I want to be behind here," Makoto responded with the smile I'd seen a lot of tonight. My mind had drifted from their conversation once the man began to lend a hand on Makoto's apron undoing, muttering something about Makoto being an idiot as the music became too loud. I gazed tiredly into the crowd until I felt a vigorous pull of gravity against my arm, and before I could protest, I was being dogged along by a rather earnest Makoto. It stunned me in the moment; having my arm yanked without warning. I'd never been dragged along by anyone but my mother.

"When-what, where-" I couldn't even form a proper sentence, and before I knew it, Makoto was pushing through the crowd like a professional. It was as if we were swimming again; our bodies parting through the sea of warm and turbulent sweat. The entire room had already been gathered savagely around the stage before we had ever gotten up, but somehow we managed to make it all the way to the front-middle. Makoto held onto my shoulder as if he'd lose me in all the commotion, and not another word was exchanged between us as the lights dimmed and the stage lit up.

"Hello, hello my fellow party-hardies! Are you ready to witness perfection?" What a horrible introduction. A rather short man stood on top of the stage with a sparkling mic as the crowd roared to my discomposure. Even Makoto was egging this on.

"Well ladies and gentleman, don't drop your panties just yet, as I present to you, the one, the only, Legendary...Matsuoka Rin!" He put the emphasis on the _I _in Rin a little too much for my liking. The crowd started to push behind me, immediately knocking me off balance as the hand on my shoulder worked unconsciously to keep me up straight. Makoto was clearly just as into this as the banshees behind me. _What the hell is wrong with all these people? Why are they screaming so much for this Matsuoka chick?_

I jumped at the sound of a confetti canon; too many things were going on at once for me. I wasn't use to being surrounded by _fun _or _loud noises_. At this point, I just wanted to go home. Too many people were pushing and causing me hearing damage all at once, but there was no getting out of this sardine can; there were people on every side of me, not to mention the high unlikelihood of Makoto's grasp becoming any looser.

I gave in to my misery and watched the stage. Bright lights bedazzled the room as zillions of girls screamed. It was all so nerve-wracking for me; I had never been to a show like this before. It was right after the room had gone completely black, that a single spotlight illuminated center stage. A tall, rather built figure stood at halt underneath it, unmistakably male.

"Matsuoka Rin is a boy?" I asked Makoto through all the screaming, but he hadn't heard me over his own, which I was sort of thankful he didn't. It was a rather stupid question. Not to mention the fact that he had referred to him as _he _earlier.

Suddenly my ears were forced to witness the lyrics to a rather erotic song blasting through the speakers, as one by one the girls began to cry out in absolute ecstasy. I watched as the red-haired man onstage spun around flawlessly to face the crowd, making an effort to roll a gentle hand slowly down his body to the beginning of the beat, then bring it back up as if he were already hot and bothered by the face he put on while doing so. His back lowered afterwards, defying the laws of gravity as his neck rolled back, until he was leaning in a way that hurt my own spine just watching. The back of his hair grazed the ground of the stage as he brought his hand slowly down the length of his body until he was making his way back up out of the arch, so smoothly. The lighting added to the mood, and I watched quietly as the scene took place right in front of me.

The red-haired man went down on himself, as his knees bent into a squatting position within time of the beat, legs spread apart for the audience to enjoy, which they did. Believe me, they did. It was as if he were floating on air the way he positioned himself from one pose to another. His motions were so flawless and perfect, I'd never seen anything like it before. He was dancing... A dancer, no, an excellent dancer. A sexual dancer... But a perfect dancer. I could feel myself concentrating on his effortless regression as if driven by my own excitement. Makoto had let go of my shoulder long ago, but I had forgot all about Makoto's hand, and the girl's screams, and just how loud the music was. At that moment, I was focused on the dancer.

The words "Flesh" and "Simon Curtis" flashed across a screen behind Matsuoka Rin every once in a while when the word was mentioned in the song. My obvious guess was that it had to be the name of the song and artist. Rin's hips swirled within rhythm as his face matched the emotion; it always matched the emotion. It almost made me feel uncomfortable the way he made love to the stage. It was as if he were touching _me_ inappropriately the way I watched him touch inappropriate places on his own body. But for some reason, I could not avert my eyes, nor did I actually,_ want _to, until his eyes met with mine, that was.

Right up until the words, _Push up to my body, sink your teeth into my flesh, _had come on for the who knows what time, he had just been dancing quietly; no sort of mouth movement or lip syncing had been done unless he was seducing the crowd with his tongue. But during those very lines, which he mouth so convincingly, I could have sworn he was looking at me. Looking _deeply _at me. He couldn't have been looking at someone else because I could _feel _him looking at me. I was good when it came to eyes, I was. The entirety of my body froze up in that moment, and suddenly, it felt as if my chest was throbbing. It was as if my heart started beating itself against my rips. As if it were committing self-harm with my lungs. It wouldn't stop, and I could feel a sudden heat begin to rise over my body. What was this feeling all of a sudden? Surely, I wasn't letting this dancer get to me, right? Surely I was above all that.

But, those moves... Those succulent, sexy moves. I almost sighed when the music ended and the crowd lost all sense of sanity. My eyes did not leave the stage, not even after the floor lights turned back on and Makoto started patting hard onto my back.

"So, what the hell did you think?! Are you not throbbing yet?" Makoto walked me away from the dance floor, because I clearly was in no mind to do it myself. "Look at him, he's speechless." He laughed us to an empty table before I finally came to my senses.

"...What did I just watch?" I asked from a hat.

"That, Haru, was the Legendary Matsuoka Rin," Makoto did a weird thing with his eyebrows as he explained.

"And what is he, a stripper?"

"Erotic dancer," he corrected. "He is nowhere near a stripper. His dances are like art; they tell a story. It's not like some dude you'd see up there stroking his ego and showing off how big he is to the woman in the crowd. No, not at all. Rin focuses on the dance. Though his dances are rather sexual and driven by hormones and testosterone, you'll never catch him on his high-horse, flirting back with the crowd and eating up their pride. Never. He does not dance to tease, he dances to express. You're one lucky prick if he dances to tease. No. Rin _is_ dance. He breathes dance."

_Kind of like how I was with swimming, _I thought to myself. He had captured my full interest as he went on. I was to the point where I could almost admit to being infatuated by this Rin character already, though I hadn't known him well enough to say that just yet. There was always something; a back-story somewhere behind a person, and I could easily say that after seeing him dance, I wanted to know his.

"But, he looked at me." I couldn't hold it in any longer. It was embarrassing the way I made it sound like Rin had given even a single damn about me in a wet sea of girls, but I had to tell someone. Makoto insisted on staring me down in a sort of disbelief before breaking into hysterical laughter.

"You're _so_ cute, Haru. You are so cute." His hand was on my back again, patting away with his attempt at sympathy until he caught a glimpse of just how serious I was.

"He did. I'm not lying." It was clear from his face that he'd never buy it, so he just carried on in making me feel pathetic with that hardly sympathetic hand of his.

"Yeah, what I wouldn't do to bend over for Matsuoka Rin too. But come on, there's no way in hell I'm going to give into that even if you gave me proof." It was the first time Makoto had looked a bit smug that night, and if I weren't mistaking, his expression made it seem as if he were, "jealous" about something.

I stayed close to Makoto for the remainder of the night. We talked about useless things, and mainly things where I had no idea what he was talking about. I wasn't one to ever make connections with people, and the more I talked with Makoto, the more realized exactly why I was alone. There was never a spark between a person who was having a conversation with me, which was probably why everyone I ever slightly got to know would always end up walking out of my life without a care. After a certain amount of times of that happening, a person shuts out people completely, making it even harder once they try to open themselves back up again.

I tried not to look completely lost when it came to the conversations I had with Makoto. He was the first person to approach me since, well, a very long time. But compared to Makoto's enthusiasm, I must have seemed like a lump on a stick, regardless of that being my everyday personality. I was afraid it would draw him away someday, but there lied my problem. If I started thinking like that now, I'd be pushing him away myself.

It's not like I was intentionally ignoring him, though.. But ever since the conversation drifted away from Matsuoka Rin, my mind had been completely taken over by the images of him. That emotional face, that body, those moves. The way he glided around the stage so, so _well_, for lack of a better word. There was something about his name alone that I liked too. Maybe because it was a name made for a female, sort of like mine. Even though, strangely, Makoto's was as well.

I wanted to know more about Matsuoka Rin. I wanted the conversation between Makoto and I to go back to where it had started; where he had been telling me more about Matsuoka Rin. _Matsuoka Rin, Matsuoka Rin. _Was I really doing this already?

"I'm going to the bathroom, be right back." I said during dead air. I got up from the table and awkwardly made my way through the careless crowd. I was thrown around a bit by the drunk dancers, but managed to make my way into the hall. The length in which it extended was far beyond my wingspan as I trotted my way past its many doors. I didn't necessarily know why I was doing what I was doing. I don't even know why I was so fathomed by this _Rin_ guy all of a sudden, but I was. I got lost a couple of times, searching for a strand of hope in a haystack of rooms. It was when I had turned a certain corner that I saw a man packed in a high-quality black suit standing in front of a door much wider than any of the ones I had passed to get here. I approached him at a quickened speed, causing my feet to shuffle underneath me.

"Hi," I said stupidly. "I'd like to speak to Matsuoka Rin, please." If the man were to have made a facial expression, he would have been rolling his eyes at me. He remained silent, paying me no mind whatsoever as I posed nervously in front of him.

"Please, I just want to ask him a question.." I pushed on as if saying the _p _word would make a difference in this situation. There was no bribing the man as he stood his ground and stuck to his duty. I was tired of being ignored after a while and decided to take matters into my own hands, reaching for the door myself and instantly receiving a harsh squeeze to the wrist, followed by a boiling stare somewhere deep beneath my pupils.

"Look, kid. He's not accepting fangirl mail right now. Add him to your Facebook or whatever you do," the man sighed. His voice didn't match his hard exterior. I looked around for some sort of savior, and it was as if an angel had heard my cry when a rather tall, slender woman with heels and hips came walking down the hall with a highly confused face.

"Excuse me, sir, can you show me where the entrance to the actual club is? I'm here to pick up my friend but I think I'm in the wrong place," she said in a rather annoying, high-pitched voice. Suddenly a long list of offensive blonde jokes came to mind, but I shook the thought quickly. He was clearly a boobs man by the way he hovered toward her, talking specifically to boob number two.

"Scram, kid," he made an effort to turn his head at me before walking back with Miss Triple D. _Yeah, because I'm going to walk away from the gates of heaven as they stand open before me. _

It hit me just how nervous I was when it was actually time to start moving my hand toward the doorknob. My fingers vibrated the handle and I turned it slowly. It truly did feel like I had entered the gates of heaven by the way the angels sang. I couldn't help but be completely taken aback by the sound of perfect melodic chords entering my ears once I walked through door, closing it silently behind me. Before I knew it, I found myself tip-toeing closer to the source of the serenity. Such an angelic voice it was. The tone, the pitch, everything. It almost didn't seem real, as if I were dreaming, and any second I'd wake up at the table I sat at with Makoto, only by myself this time. I recognized the tune; it was the song Rin had danced to earlier. Only this time, it sounded slower, sweeter. More sexual, if that was possible. The words were clearer, hotter, more passionate as the voice nearly moaned them out in the most enchanting, and beautiful way.

I don't stop walking until I am right behind the source. Red hair rested smoothly on the back of the man's neck as he faced the opposite direction, and I recognized it right away. I couldn't speak, I couldn't gestured, I could only stand there; listening, taking it all in, every last lyric. Every last note. He was sitting on an office chair in the middle of the room, a shoe in his hand which he polished with care. I almost felt bad for spying on him like this. It felt as if I'd been a huge fan of his forever the way I was absolutely speechless in his presence. I listened to the last mesmerizing note that escaped his lips before he stopped completely; everything. His fingers stopped when his lips did, and an uncomfortable silence fell over the room. My throat clenched tightly in the suspense, and I couldn't breath for a minute.

He turned his chair quickly, his hair representing the speed with a whip around his face, falling perfectly back into place once his eyes met with mine. I was getting that feeling in my heart again, the one I had experienced the first time he looked into my eyes while on stage, and I felt the need to explain myself right away.

"I-I'm sorry, Matsuoka, uh Rin, sir... I didn't mean to walk in on you like this, or maybe I did mean to, but not like this. I wasn't trying to sneak in or anything, I was going to ask if it was okay, but the security guy walked away for a minute and I thought it'd be the perfect opportunity to..." I stopped myself. The way Rin had been looking at me throughout my speech made me feel uncomfortable, and the sudden drowsy blink of his eyes made me wish I had a bag to place over my head.

"...Can I help you?" he asked rather blandly. What was it I came here for again? Because I couldn't quite remember now that I was standing right in front of him. He looked so..._different _offstage.

"Your voice is beautiful, by the way..." It just sort of slipped out. I wasn't one to really hold in my thoughts. I spoke my mind a lot when I had the chance. "But, that's not why I'm here, I mean it's obviously not why I'm here because I didn't even know you could sing until I came in here, but I thought I'd tell you since I heard it and I thought it was really good, and..." To my surprise, he didn't cut me off or anything. Even after I caught myself, he stared at me with those confusing, haunting eyes silently, as if anticipating for me to carry on with my speech. Something about that made me blush, and I continued to the point.

"What I'm trying to say is, how do you do it?" I asked simply. I watched Rin's face soften up a bit at my question.

"Please be more specific," he said in the same tone he'd responded with last time.

"Dance. How do you learn to dance like that?" It felt as though I had a sudden connection with Rin the moment I mentioned the word _dance_. I could already see a spark of interest in his eyes as he relaxed his shoulders.

"Why, you want to learn?" It was as if he had become a completely different person within two seconds of the question. His voice was more friendly and his face looked much more bright. It was funny how a sudden change in mood could make a person seem that much more approachable.

"Actually, yeah.. Yeah, I do. I'd love to be able to dance like you someday, actually. Not that I could ever reach your level or anything, but you know, close maybe?" _Drink a beer, kiss a 10 _my mother had said. She had also told me to get a new hobby. I was so undecided about what could possibly replace swimming. What could possibly be more enjoyable than the cool, soothing feeling of perfect blue caressing your body?

It was the first time he'd smiled tonight, spinning back around in his chair until his back faced me again. He got up and walked over to a nearby table, grabbing some sort of paper and scribbling something down on it. I watched anxiously as he came back and entered my bubble, placing the paper into the palm of my hand.

"Here's my number. Call me only if you're serious. But don't text me, I hate texting." Rin then pushes pass me, his shoulder brushing up against mine as if there wasn't enough space around the half-empty room he could have chosen to walk. I stood there as an ice-block once again as Rin continued to walk behind me. It took me a moment to process exactly what happened, but once the ice around me melted, my entire body jerked around to face the door Rin had approach in an attempt to say thank you, but by the time I had his red hair in my sight again, he had already slammed the door behind him.

It was awkward, standing there alone in Matsuoka Rin's dressing room, but I took the chance to read over the number in my hands about a thousand times before safely tucking it into my pocket. _Dancing, _I thought to myself. _Me, dancing. _I certainly had a story to tell my mother; _Hey mom, so I went to a club that I guess so happened to be a strip club and snuck into an erotic dancer's dressing room where he then proceeded to give me his cell phone number in agreement to give me some private lessons if I gave him a call._ It didn't make sense for someone like me, a loner-virgin-dork-loser, to be getting any sort of lessons from a sex symbol like Rin. I'd embarrass myself for sure. But I promised my mother I'd try something new, didn't I? Well, here you go, mom. Cheers.

I took in a deep breath. "I'm going to be completely serious about this," I assured myself one last time before exiting quietly out of the room.

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_**So I really love RinHaru, and I decided to come up with a little story to express that liking. ((EDIT: Hello! I'm extremely happy you chose to read my fic! (many hearts for you) However, since you're on chapter one, I'll warn you now - Things will indeed go out of canon at points, for AU sake. You've been warned. But shh don't worry, it all adds up. Let's just say a lot of kinky shit happens in this fic, along with a lot of drama. So be prepared for the characterization. I repeat, be prepared for the characterization. That is all. Love you.))**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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No, not yet. Not yet, Haru. Give it at least a day. Gah, why was it killing me so much? The wait I put myself through to call Rin was like counting down the hours till death, and I began to question why I was even still up at this hour. I got home around 4am and ever since then I'd just been lying in my bed, checking my phone constantly. For what reason, I hadn't know. It wasn't like he had my phone number anyway, and it wasn't like anyone ever called me besides my mother. They both were probably sleeping.

_Rin sleeping._ I had to flip the screen of my phone over just to be in complete darkness after that thought. Why should someone else sleeping be fascinating to me at all? Wouldn't it be rather boring to watch someone sleep? And with that, I was doing that whole thing where I over-thought about everything and pondered on the meaning of life and whatnot, until it drove me to my slumber-grave.

I hadn't even realized I'd slept at all by the time I woke up. My eyes shot open and immediately, my hand spazzed around the blanket for my phone. It was early still, and I thought about falling back asleep, but lying here with phone in hand now, my thoughts were instantly occupied by today's plans; calling Rin. And with that, I couldn't bare to lie still anymore.

_It's too early, _I said to myself as I zombied my way into the kitchen. (That could be taken two ways). I was going to give it until at least 3pm; here it was 11:30am. I needed to find a way to kill time, get my mind off the wait, when I finally manned-up and did what I'd been too afraid to do last night. I still had my doubts thinking about it now, but I was too curious to let those doubts tell me what to do. I sat at the table and looked at my phone. I figured it was finally time to put my Google app to good use, since it really only hung around until I needed to look up an update to a manga chapter, or a price on a book that just came out. I typed in Matsuoka Rin, fingers shaking while doing so, and before I had even typed the "o," Google and I were already finishing each others sentences. I clicked the _search_ button, leading me to a page of different links for websites under the name _Matsuoka Rin_. Curiosity overpowered control as I clicked on the first result I'd seen. It was under a site I heard a lot about; wikipedia. I didn't know much about computers, or the internet for that matter; I was pretty much an old-timer at heart, who sat around and read books all day, and the newspaper on occasions. Even my mom had a laugh about that one when she walked in on me once.

A rather erotic picture of the red-haired man I had babbled to just the other night was the first thing to pop up. It was almost weird to be able to search him like this. It was also weird that I caught myself staring at said picture for longer than I'd expected. It was a mid-body picture; cutting off before the knees began. His hand was over his crotch as his fingers spread across, leaning back slightly as if feeling pleasure by doing so. And of course, his face matched the action. I hadn't noticed I was licking my lips until I scrolled down to meet the words underneath.

From the article, I'd learned that Matsuoka Rin was twenty years old and had lived in Australia for most of his life. He moved around here about a year ago to teach a dance class, and liked the area enough to dwell around it for a little longer once the season was over. My eyes nearly popped from their sockets when I read that he claimed to be bisexual, but didn't really label himself as anything, because,_ "Sex is a beautiful thing. If you're not willing to try new things and explore new horizons, then what's the point? What's the joy? Sex is like art; if you paint a beautiful picture once, wouldn't you want to try your skills on a different canvas? You may like what you create the second time even better than the first,"_ he had quoted. I didn't know what I thought about that quote. Wasn't sure how that made me feel. I loved it in a way, but at the same time, it made me feel, _uncomfortable? _

I'd learned that his most recent relationship had been with a male. They broke-up only two months ago, and he claimed he wasn't looking for a new one. Claimed he wasn't focused on dating and relationships at the moment, just dancing. For some reason, my throat swelled up a bit after reading that line. Was I really getting upset over this? I was acting as if this was some sort of romantic novel I was reading. Since when has a celebrity's sex-life ever matter to me? When asked a second time a little farther into the break-up, I read, he quoted,_ "If love is being searched for, it cannot be found. Love will come when it wants, and until then, I am only focused on the dance."_ He was so wise with his words. The way he made everything into poetry near made me swoon. I liked poetry, I really did. And I liked that quote as well, for two reasons. Maybe. Well, I don't know, I guess I liked it for two reasons.

There was one part of the article that threw me off a bit; it stated that he had been on and off in rehab due to self-harm and depression, but hadn't gone for around six months since then. It didn't say why, or for what reason he had been depressed, which left me even more curious than before I even started reading this article. When asked about his dancing career, it read that a reporter once stated something rudely offensive to him while interviewing him at random, claiming that he was a _dancing STD_, and that his moves were nothing but diseased filth for the innocent eye to stumble upon. That he should go and take his garbage to hell where it belonged. Bring his boyfriend, he had told him. To where Rin simply replied,_ "My erotic dancing isn't because I'm a slutty manwhore who bangs whatever hobo looks like he needs a good time. It's because I find beauty in the body. Being perfectly sexy is a form of talent and art, not many people can pull it off. Do you think I'm sexy right now? (to where he then pointed to the coffee stain on his over-sized, faded gray hoodie he had been wearing that day) Though I still take pleasure in the body, being 'perfectly sexy' is not my way of life, it's my form of expression. Erotic dance is my passion. Get one of your own, and get off of mine." _

I was blown away by just how dedicated he was to that passion. It made me over-look my own life and feel even more like a deadbeat loser for being so un dedicated to almost everything I've ever tried. But, it made me feel even more intrigued by him. And his stability; his ability to stand up and speak his mind while bullets were being thrown at him fascinated me the most. Had I been in that situation, I would have coward away and spent the rest of the day locked up in my room, going over a long list of things that were wrong with me next to a box of tissues.

I stop reading suddenly, ex-ing out the tab quickly as I bit my lip and stared at the table in front of me. It felt as though I was stalking him, and it made me feel kind of, creepy; like some sort of murderer, in a way, I guess. I'd never been able to read so much about someone's life who I'd just met the other day just by typing his name into a search bar. Was this a normal thing people did; Go on Google Search and type in the name of who they wanted to know about? I was suddenly curious as to see if my own history would pop up had I typed in my own name.

I was about to ex out of Google completely and put down my phone, when I saw the_ Image _tab. _Don't do it, Haruka. You've done enough stalking for the day. _But having already done the stalking in the first place, I figured, what harm could possibly be done if I finished it off? This time my curiosity lead my conscience and it was too late to turn back once the tab had been clicked.

Man, the poses this guy could make was the sex itself. I hadn't had my Image option turned to _safe mode _at the time, so I was seeing whatever was willing to pop up for me. It was like looking at porn the way Rin ran ice cubes down his chest and stuck his tongue against his fingers; the possibilities in his shots were endless, and I could feel myself moisturizing my lips again. This time, I didn't care to stop doing so. There was no lying to myself anymore; I had confirmed the fact that I was getting so turned on by this guy. I could feel the bulge in my pants thicken as I continued to scroll. I clicked on a picture that I favored the most; it was a shot of him in nothing but a red speedo, the warm filter defined his hair color to a much more reddish tint, causing it to match perfectly with the speedo. His legs were spread on a black bench, and there were red rose petals all over the seat where he sat, some falling on his body. His lips were parted ever-so-slightly, and he was dripping wet. As a matter of fact, his feet were in puddles of water underneath him. His fingertips slipped just underneath the lining of his speedo and crotch to the point where he was pulling it up a bit, and the look on his face made me twitch; it was the most seductive expression I think I'd ever had the fortune of witnessing.

I start to lower my free hand, running it down into the line of my underwear as I let out a pleasureful moan. I wanted to see more. I needed to see more, so I clicked to make the image bigger, zooming in directly to where his fingers pulled at the hem of his speedo, and I could feel my hips bucking shyly. What was I _doing?_ This was going to make it all the more awkward once I got to talking to him over the phone, let alone _dancing _with him.. But because, even with my new-found knowledge, I still barely knew the guy, I figured, what exactly did it matter? His sexual pictures were just lying around for the world to see, so I picked one up and used it.. He'd never know anyway.

I was almost finished when I heard a knocking. Someone had knocked a quick beat to some song I didn't recognize at my front door, to where my postured quickly turned to ice. Who could possibly have known where I lived already..? They certainly came at the wrong time. I hesitated to search for a jacket with my eyes as I loudly admitted that I was _coming _to the person behind the door. _Crap, _I thought after realizing the bottom-half of the table was now soiled in my bodily fluids, and a little on my pants. I grabbed the jacket I'd spotted out a few seconds ago, not worrying about the table for now, and wrapped it around my waist to cover the stain.

When opening the door, I was met by a rather cheeky smile and sparkling green eyes. "I brought cookies!" it stated with enthusiasm, holding up a transparent-blue container with a shake. Somewhere within our conversation at the club the other night, I had told Makoto where my new apartment was. I remembered him telling me something about him living only a road and a half or so away from me, saying he'd _pop-up_ _someday_ to hang around. By _someday_, I should have expected he'd mean around nine or so hours from since we'd last seen each other. "Nice place!" He invited himself in, plopping the container on the table as I shut the door behind him. A small chill ran up my spine when I thought about the content underneath that table, running a hand behind my neck to scratch a random itch.

"I figured you wouldn't have a TV yet. Want to go catch a movie tonight? I've been crying over the commercials to this one movie that finally came out today, so it's on me. And I figured since you're new to the neighborhood I'd come early to show you around a little bit." He leaned his elbow on the table and pleaded with his eyes as I pleaded with my own that he wouldn't accidentally touch the stain. My eyes then wandered to the time on my phone. I was going to call Rin today. I couldn't even sleep the night before because I was going to call Rin today. However, maybe hanging out with Makoto for a while and getting to know the neighborhood a little better would get my mind off of calling Rin. It had only been a couple of hours since he probably went to sleep anyway.

"Sure, yeah. That sounds alright I guess. But first let me just get, er- changed.." I nodded quickly and ran to my room, leaving a beaming Makoto as I closed the door behind me.

When I walked back out I nearly choked on my own saliva. My entire face was a cherry as I watched Makoto observe a substance that was dripping from underneath the table.

"Haru, is that..-"

"No! It-It-I was baking, and..." I flailed my hands wildly at the word _baking._

"That's hot." He looked completely serious when he said it, and I wasn't sure whether he meant that the thought of me baking was hot, or the fact that I came was hot. Or maybe he touched it and it was, hot..? I don't know, but I left it at that; I didn't want to ask anything stupid.

I couldn't help but think about Rin as I snacked on one of the cookies in Makoto's passengers seat. What if he had wanted me to call as soon as possible to let him know I was serious? What if my _lack of eagerness _to call him would draw him to believing I wasn't interested? If I could, I would just text him, but I couldn't, because he didn't want me to. He didn't like texting, so I couldn't just text him, no way, especially not the first time I'd ever get to talk to him via...via call, was it? Or whatever, via phone maybe?

I decide not to share the fact that I had gotten Rin's number to Makoto; he wouldn't have believed me anyway, even with the proof I had. Plus, I didn't want to explain to him the reason I had it in the first place. He went on about the weather here and the people. Said something about a recent robbery and a psycho ex boyfriend. Conversation seemed to happen quite naturally for him, and I envied that sort of. He was so normal about things, and the opposite of socially awkward. Well, I thought that up until his next question.

"So you're gay, right?" It sort of came out of nowhere; at random, and I'd call it more of a statement than a question. As if he were _telling _me that I was gay. As if it were an official fact. In all honesty, I didn't know how to respond on such short notice. _I am? _was the sarcastic joke I wanted to reply with, mainly because I had become bitter to the word _gay. _The word _gay _was almost like a curse word to me now. I couldn't stand when people called me it, or used it to describe me. _You know that gay guy, Haru? _Or, _Not him, the gay one._ Gay. Gay. Gay. That was gay, this was gay. Gay. Gay. The word was constantly being thrown at me when I was in school. But I've never been _asked _before, only called, even though he might as well have just called me it by the way he made it a fact.

"I find the male species to be more dominant in level of attraction." I was confident in my answer for a moment, until I felt Makoto's eyes watching me from the corner of my own.

"So...then you're gay." _Duh, _I almost said.

"...Sure. I guess."

Makoto smiled wider than I expected, "Well if it wasn't already _extremely obvious_, I am too. You still in the closet? You seem like you're still in the closet." Was I still in the closet? I didn't really know, because, well, when have I ever even come out the closet of my own _life_? I haven't even been out enough to tell if I was still in said _closet._

"I guess..." was the only thing I could think to say.

"You guess a lot. Are you or are you not still keeping it a secret?" Was I? I mean my mom knew. But I really hadn't had anyone else to tell. Was it a law that if you're gay, you have to go on National television and announce it to the world?

"I don't know if I'm out of the closet. I mean, I guess I am, because I told you, right?" I think Makoto was catching on to where I was coming from. I had told him last night that I didn't have many friends back home, if friends at all. And moving to a whole new area and leaving my mother behind, he was my first real _friend_ in years.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" It was really starting to piss me off the way Makoto made it seem like he was asking a question, when truly he was stating what he assumed was a fact. And the worst part was the fact that his assumptions were true..

"What's that suppose to mean?" I turned my head to his side-profile.

"It's just that you're cute, and you seem like a little closed book; so shy and fragile. You don't seem like the wild type. That's why I was so shocked when I walked into your kitchen this morning and smelt the pungent fumes of sex run up my nose." He'd _smelt _sex before? Did I still _smell _like sex? I hadn't even had sex. Did masturbation smell like sex? I secretly sniffed at my shirt.

"I bet you did smell sex." Played it cool.

"So you are a virgin." (Guess I didn't play it cool enough).

"...Yes, yes, Makoto, yes!" Geez, rub it in a little more, would you? I placed an elbow on the rest and looked out the window for a minute.

"That's cute."

Makoto had his car parked in a lot for most of the day, and we ended up walking the town for a while, while he talked and showed me around, pointing out his favorite places to shop and eat. We went into a few of them, ordered a drink here, maybe a sandwich there, Makoto bought a tie from one of the clothing stores. I couldn't really picture him all dressed up for some reason; he had sort of a beachy look to him. Spending the day with Makoto really brought us a lot closer. He definitely knew how to make me feel awkward, but it would always be _just for laughs_, because _it was cute to see me all red, _he had said.

It was dark by the time we started our way to the movie theater. We weren't the only ones there, but for a new movie, the turn up was rather short.

I was actually enjoying myself. I hadn't seen many movies in my life, unless they were either old or one of the classics that I very much enjoyed. (Sometimes I check the mirror for gray hairs, seriously). Watching a movie was like reading a picture book, only the pictures moved, so, they're cool I guess. Though I still think I enjoy leaving the scene up to my own imagination a little more. Throughout the movie, however, I kept feeling the green eyes of the man next to me eyeing down my profile. But it was weird to me, because every time I would look back at him to see what he wanted, his eyes were always back on the screen, and I didn't want to ask him if had been looking at me just then, so then I'd awkwardly turn back to look at the screen, and then he'd go and do it again! But when he did it again as soon as I turned back to the screen, I'd look stupid if I turned back to look at him and his eyes were to move back to the screen, wouldn't I? ...So I just tried to ignore it. But by the fifth time, I moved my hand up casually to brush off whatever may have been lingering on my cheek, then rubbed my eye for _sleepers._ But even after that, I could still feel his eyes hot on my skin. They had so much presence, even in the dark. I finally built up enough courage to ask.

"Um, did you want something? I thought I saw you looking at me." _For the past half-hour now. _He giggled, shifting a bit in his chair.

"I'd _love_ something. But I was just looking at your profile; it's nice," he said softly. I wasn't sure what that first part was about, but it made me feel a bit uncomfortable, so I let it be. Compliments like those, however, always gave me some sort of hope. They made me actually feel _good _about myself, rather than like a complete fuck-up as I usually feel. I even managed a tiny smile in my response.

"Thank you." I think I was blushing then. Maybe it was because Makoto had done the same.

Around closer to the finish of the movie, Makoto had his leg brushing up against mine. It scared me at first, but when I saw that his attention had been fully on the screen, I just assumed it was being done unconsciously. However, his arm was rather close to mine as well, and his hand sort of leaned into mine. But I'd feel rude if I'd moved it, so I let it happen. Now that I thought of it, his whole body sort of shifted toward me throughout the entire movie, and at some points, he moved around his seat as if he were uncomfortable, gradually moving limps closer toward my direction until his head near rested on my shoulder. Had he'd sneezed, the jerk reaction would have placed him just there.

The ride back home was surprisingly silent. I dared to look over at Makoto's yet-again very concentrated face. It was as if he were in extreme deep-thought; as if something was bothering him; as if he was making a hard decision in his head. By the time we pulled up to my driveway, we'd probably said two sentences to each other tops. It worried me a little. Had I done something wrong? I tried to go over all the things I had said to him at the movie theater, but we hadn't spoken much there either. Had it been something I _didn't_ say? I felt a wash of relief when Makoto turned to me with his _sincere_ smile on, though there was something different about it; his eyes looked sadder than usual, though he smiled convincingly.

"I had fun hanging with you, Haru. We _will _do this again sometime, okay? I'll try not to pop-up when you're jerking yourself next time, but no promises," he giggled softly. "Have a goodnight, Haruka." _Haruka? _How did he know my full name was Haruka? I guess it was pretty obvious that my full name wasn't just Haru. It could have been Haruhi, though. Just saying. He was clearly assuming things correctly again.

"Goodnight, Tachibana Makoto." I remembered his name tag. I could have sworn I saw a sparkle in his eyes when they widened. He let out a breathy laugh and looked almost shyly into my eyes. It felt rude to break away from them even after I felt as though he's been staring too long, so I let it happen. I kept seeing his mouth fidget, as if he wanted to ask me something but just couldn't get it out. So I decided to help him out a bit.

"Yes?" It came out far more raspy than I had planned, which seemed to make him blush even more once he realized just how long he had been staring.

"N-nothing. Have a good night," was the last thing he said before turning his head to face the front. I nodded, though he didn't see it, exiting the car and walking up to the front door to my apartment. I waved behind me once I heard a honk, taking out my key as he pulled off.

Once again, I lied awake with Rin on my mind. But for some reason, I couldn't help but think about why Makoto had been so quiet during the car ride back when he had been nothing but mouth the whole day. Why had he looked so concerned about something, so _sad _almost? I picked up my phone to look at my messages; missed a call from my mother. My heart had never beaten as fast as it did due to the sight of a missed called icon. What was I expecting exactly? Was I expecting it to have been Rin? Why did I still believe that it was possible that he could call me without having my phone number?

I snacked on the cookies Makoto had brought me this morning as I went onto Google images again. I missed his face, his body. I missed staring at it; at him. I came to terms with myself that I was officially a stalker, and I didn't care. I was officially just a little tiny bit obsessed with this dancer, and I didn't care. All I wanted to do was see him again, in person next time. I wanted to hear his voice again. I wanted to watch him dance. My thoughts of Rin drove me to a state of serenity, bliss, until I hadn't even remembered falling asleep that night due to dreaming of Rin.

* * *

**_Oh Haru, you nervous-wreck Rin-stalking dork, Ily. Thanks for reading! Continue?_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

_Well, here goes nothing. _I could have caused an earthquake the way my body shook uncontrollably. I could barely get myself to click on the tiny call icon due to my finger missing it twice. I took in the deepest breath I could manage as the phone began to ring. At this point, my biggest fear was dropping it when he answered due to the incredible amount of sweat that had formed on the palm of my hand within a milliseconds time. The phone rang three times before a short silence followed by shuffling could be heard on the other end.

"Hello?" I froze. _Say hello back you idiot; it's one word! _My mouth was open, but I couldn't manage to form a single word other than a slight squeaky noise that escaped from my throat. Suddenly, all the images I had been stalking on Google had flashed back into memory. Suddenly I was being haunted by the feelings that had been associated with said images.

"H-h-h...h-hello, is this, Matsuoka Rin...?" Shyness at it's best. I must have sounded like a babbling idiot, which only made it harder to speak. There was a slight pause in communication, and I couldn't help but check to see if he had hung up.

"Yes. Who is this?" _Breathe, Haru. Fucking breathe. Don't talk about your dead dog this time._

"M-my name's...Haru, uh..." I almost forgot my own name for a second. There was another awkward pause, and I could only imagine that he was waiting for me to elaborate, but as I opened my mouth to try and speak, he had beaten me to the punchline.

"Is this the guy who snuck into my dressing room the other night?" I wasn't sure if it made me happy or embarrassed that he remembered.

"Yes...S-sorry again for that, I really didn't mean to intrude!"

"So I see you're serious about dancing, then," he said, and I could hear a sort of relief in his voice at that moment, and I almost smiled. "Are you free today?" _Today? _I was going to be able to see Rin _today?_

"S-s-s-sure! I mean, y-yeah...I'm not busy." _I think a little too much "s" went into that one_.

"Great. So meet me at the Iwatobi Dance Studio at around three. It'll say it's _closed_, but it's my studio, so just wait for me if the door is locked. If it's not, I'm already inside." I could already feel my heart beating out my chest. I didn't know how to respond. I wasn't even sure I was ready today, but I wanted to be ready; I wanted to see him again. I opened my mouth to thank him, but when a longer-than-normal pause occurred afterwards, I saw that he had already hung up.

Even after he was gone, his voice still lingered-on in my ear. His last words became a broken record to my thoughts; playing over and over again in my head as I shuffled through my clothes in search of something decent to wear. Even as I showered and brushed my teeth, the sound of his voice continued to consume my mind. I could lie. I could deny it, but there was no masking the truth; I've been falling pretty hard for this _Rin_ ever since my eyes met with his.

It took me forever to come to agreement with myself that I looked presentable enough to see Rin face-to-face again, but even so, I did a triple-take before leaving the mirror alone, fixing a strand of hair that bothered me a bit for the twelfth time. My hand was on the doorknob as I took a deep breath, closing my eyes to try and block-out the nerves for just a second before opening the door to leave. I near had a heart attack when I was greeted by an unexpected visitor on the other side of the door. My natural response was to grab onto the frame for dear life as I tried to compose myself.

"Were you standing there the whole time? Why didn't you knock?!" The corners of his lips turned slightly upward in response to my reaction as innocent eyes met with mine.

"I sorta-kinda just got here...You look good...are you going out?" Makoto asked, the innocent look fading slightly as his eyes appeared more saddened.

"I'm sorry, I am.. We can definitely catch up once I get back, I promise." Wow, I never had to cancel on someone who wanted to hangout with _me _before, it was always the other way around. I couldn't read Makoto's face at first, but I saw a slight smile form on his lips at the last second.

"How will I know when you're back?" he asked softly.

"Uh...oh, here; I'll give you my number. Don't text me just yet, though, I'll be busy for a while." I had no trouble reading the beaming glow on his face as I gave him my number. He wasted no time saving it to his phone and showing me his teeth.

"Where are you going?" he asked. Gah, I knew it was coming. I still hadn't come to terms with whether I'd tell him about my dance lessons just yet, but I didn't want to seem too flustered by the question.

"Ah, just, just going. You know, around somewhere, around." It's a good thing I wasn't practicing to become an actor. The awkward pauses were strong today as Makoto stared almost suspiciously at me. "...So, I'll see you later!"

I locked the door and walked quite quickly in the opposite direction of Makoto, calling back a brisk compliment on his cookies from the other day before exiting the building. I felt kind of bad for just walking away like that, but I had to be at the studio by three and was running low on time. But, now that I was in the car, I realized I didn't have a single clue to where the hell I was going. _Iwatobi Dance Studio,_ Rin had told me. Had he mentioned any directions? Was I so lost in his voice and my own impairment that I had missed them? I tapped on the steering wheel nervously, debating on whether I should call Rin and ask. I didn't want to annoy him. What if he'd told me already? I didn't want him to think I was a bad listener... How far was it? Should I have left the house earlier? Surely he would have told me if it was an hour away. But, what if he did tell me? I was sweating again; here it was 2:15pm and I needed answers, fast. He knew I didn't know where that was, right? Surely he couldn't get mad at me for asking...

"Wh-where exactly _is_ the Iwatobi Dance Studio...?" I had the phone up to me ear again as I awaited Rin's answer. He sighed once, and I froze in response.

"Where's your place?" he asked to my befuddlement, to where I then felt a wave of nerves flush over my entire body, forcing myself to calm down. Why did he want to know where I lived...?

"Uh, I live in the _Homes _Apartments on Gateway..."

"Cool. I'll pick you up since I'm right around the corner anyway." Oh _gosh! _Instantly, I felt my throat tighten up.

"I could drive there if you just give me directions, I don't want you to have to-!"

"-I said I'm right around the corner, it's really no big deal. I'll see you in a second." Before I could kindly decline his offer any further, he hung up, leaving me paralyzed in my car seat. I watched as Makoto finally decided to exit my apartment. He smiled at me as he made his way to his car, and I could only imagine how terrifying the smile I gave him back must have been. I watched him pull away, his horn bonking once as he waved his way out the parking lot.

Rin hadn't been lying when he said he was _right around the corner, _because about a minute after Makoto had left, I saw a shiny, black Cadillac pulling up into the parking lot. It had red rims and a dream catcher that almost seemed out-of-place dangling from the mirror. I had to stop myself from staring, so I immediately threw my back against the chair as if somehow I'd become an Iguana and blend into the fabric. _Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh. He's here, he's here. That's him, he's here, oh gosh. _It was almost ironic how he pulled up right next to me, I had to keep myself from dying due to loss of oxygen.

I couldn't look at him. I knew he was there, but I couldn't look at him. I couldn't _dare _look at him. I heard his car turn off as I stared forward, hoping that maybe I had become the chair by now and he couldn't see me. However, this was reality, and surely, he knew that I knew he was there. Suddenly, I didn't want to dance anymore. Suddenly, I just wanted to go back home, to my mommy. _He's just a person, Haru. What the hell are you freaking out about? _I dared myself to turn my head in his direction, surprised he hadn't honked yet; I guess I just figured most celebrities were impatient assholes. When my eyes met with the window of his car, he was looking straight at me. His expression appeared sort of confused and he almost looked concerned for my well-being, considering I must have looked like a dying mental patient from his point-of-view. He kind of gave me that sort of, _Are we going to sit here and pretend you don't see me, or are we going to get in my car? _look.

My actions were now being controlled by my nerves as I attempted to get out my car, closing my jacket in the door and internally killing myself before getting it loose and praying that he hadn't seen, even though I knew for a fact he had. I was sitting in Rin's car, with_ Rin_. I was sitting_ right_ next to him in his passengers seat. I almost pinched myself. His car smelled of nature and there were Tootsie Roll wrappers all over the floor. I won't even tell you what was in the back, but the seats were nice. Rin matched his car; he had on a black muscle-shirt and red sweatpants to match his hair. I almost felt silly taking so long in the morning to impress him when he came looking as if he had rolled out of bed a few minutes ago. He was perfect, though. Even with slightly messy hair and sweats he managed to make me drool. His face and body were flawless, and that muscle-shirt wasn't helping my perverted mind. I had to keep myself from staring the second I first laid butt into his seat.

"Hi..." I said stupidly to cover the awkward air.

"Want to just do it here?" My eyes had been going down the length of his arm without my consent before shooting back up to meet his.

"Uh...you mean, do it in my apartment instead of the studio...?" I was sweating again, suddenly wishing I had applied an extra layer of deodorant, even though I had a hundred on already. I must have looked like a red delicious at the time the way the blood had surged to my face. Was my apartment presentable enough to just let him follow me inside? Was there anything I had to clean or hide before I showed him in? Then again, looking at the inside of his car, I doubted he'd mind if there was.

"If you have enough room," he stated.

"Well, I mean, I did just move here not long ago, so I really don't have that much stuff, or anything set up but my bedroom, really."

"That's perfect." I wanted to tell him to wait here for just a second. I wanted to say I'd be right back so that I could make sure Makoto didn't leave some embarrassing note on my door before he left, or to make sure my apartment didn't smell like the pungent aroma of sex, or whatever Makoto had said. But I couldn't just leave him here and run away; he might leave. I didn't want him to leave now that I was right next to him.

I could feel Rin behind me. His presence was so strong on my back that I dropped the key while trying to unlock the door. _Idiot, _I thought as I closed my eyes tight, but before I could bend down to pick it up, Rin was already holding it out in front of me. I made the mistake of staring at him once it was in my hand again, to where he then asked;

"What was your name? Haru?" I snapped out of my gaze.

"Y-yes.."

"Haru, are you going to open the door, or did you want to just do it at the studio? I don't mind either way." Ahh, had I really been staring that long?! I quickly shook my head and unlocked the door, allowing him to walk in first, to where he then proceeded to push me through before him, shutting the door behind himself.

I locked the door, and before I knew it, I had Matsuoka Rin standing in my kitchen. The awkward silence gave me enough time to start undressing him with my eyes, thinking about the pictures I'd shamelessly masturbated to the other day. Gah, he was even sexier in person, I didn't think it was possible. I was so lost in the fact that he was here that I almost missed his question.

"So, why do you want to dance?" My eyes were quick to focus on his again.

"I-I, well my mom, actually. She told me to get a new hobby once I moved out since all I ever did was read and swim back at my old house. At first I had no idea what could possibly replace my love for swimming, but, then I saw you dance that night at the club... I just, you were perfect, and I knew I wanted to learn, and I knew I wanted you to be my teacher." I looked up shyly to meet with Rin's rather awed expression. He looked flattered, and it near made my smile.

"Swimming, huh? I kind of miss swimming. I tried it back in elementary school, but I could never really feel the water the way I feel the music, so I took dancing and stuck with it. But, thank you." This time he was staring at me, so it didn't matter that I was staring back. I almost fainted the second he mentioned he had been a swimmer. I near melted at the single thought of how flawless he must have looked in the water, never mind the dance floor.

"You're welcome," I smiled.

"Pull up that seat behind you." Rin pointed to the chair I had been leaning on. Hesitantly, I obeyed, pulling on the seat until it was right next to me.

"Great, now sit in it," he demanded. My butt hit the chair fast.

"Excellent, you're doing dandy. Now look at that spider on your wall." I turned my head swiftly to see what spider he was talking about, when suddenly I was airborne. The chair underneath me had disappeared before I even had a chance to blink an eye, and my body fell clumsily to the floor. I managed to look up after the shock had gone down to see a rather displeased expression on Rin's face as he held lazily to the chair I had just fell from.

"What the hell was that for?!" I whined in discomfort.

"Hm. You're as graceful as a heard of elephants." His tone was neither welcoming nor disciplinary, and I could already feel my cheeks getting hot at his bluntly true statement._ If only he'd seen me in the water, maybe he'd think differently about me.._

"H-hey! I..-"

"-And you're very timid and fragile," he broke through my sentence. _Yeah, first time I heard that one. _I almost defended myself, before he proved himself right by squatting down directly where I had landed. His body hovered over me as I looked up, blushing and tensing up at how close he was.

"Lift up your shirt." He wasn't serious. There was no way he was serious...

"Wha-why?!"

"Do it."

"But-"

"Haru, if you aren't even comfortable with lifting your shirt up in front of just me, let alone thousands of people on a stage, then you'll never even survive the first lesson." He was right... I hated that he was right. I could feel myself blushing as my hands quivered in search of the hem of my shirt. I took in a hard gulp and pulled it up slowly, averting my eyes from any part of Rin's face or body; I couldn't look at him. I felt a cool breeze once my stomach was exposed, and I stopped right there, hands still shaking in my discomfort as I awaited his command to pull my shirt back down. But it never came. Before I could retreat, Rin's hands were on my stomach. They ran slowly up the full of my belly, tracing any sort of muscle I had gained from swimming, until they were pulling up my shirt higher than I had planned it to go. I was forced to raise my shirt to where my chest was now exposed once the palms of his hands rested onto my nipples, running back down my stomach at a steady pace. I panicked at that moment, throwing my shirt back down over my body and holding at the hem.

"W-what are you doing?!" I looked horrified when I asked, to where his expression remained quite soft and unshaken.

"Haru, if you're going to be an erotic dancer, this is essential." _You could warn me, you know!_

"I feel violated..." I played with the hem nervously once a small, proud smirk appeared at the corner of his lips.

"Oh honey, then why did you chose me to teach you? You could have easily paid a lot of money for one of those teachers who half-ass their students with their piss-poor hip rotation routine." I had no idea what he'd just said, but I felt as though I should listen to him. I felt as though he knew what he was on about. Plus, I didn't want to piss him off by cowarding-out of my training and have him quit on me.

"Okay, sorry..." I said as I proceeded to close my eyes and lift my shirt back up, allowing him permission to continue to feel me up. When his hands never came, I opened an eye to see him staring at me.

"You have to look into my eyes as I'm doing it, Haru. Having pride in your image is a huge part of being sexy. Be confident, you have a great body." _No, no, no, no, don't say that, Rin! Compliments from you are like dirty-talk to me. If you give me a boner, I'll be dead. I'll be humiliated. _I wasn't sure whether to thank him or just nod in understanding, so I just took a deep breath and obeyed, staring softly into his eyes as he stared back into mine. I felt him move my hands from my shirt completely as I tried to just focus on his eyes and not the unbelievable sensation I was feeling as Rin's fingers slid up and down the length of my body. It was a strange way to teach a lesson, but I had to admit; I liked his method of teaching already.

I was getting use to the motions, letting myself un-tense a bit as I was starting to feel pleasure more than fear from the soft hands exploring my bare skin. I had to hold back a moan several times whenever his hands went back over my nipples, though my breathing was clearly uneven. He told me to relax whenever I cringed, massaging his way through my flesh as I tried so hard to obey. But the fact that Rin was even touching me like this was the excitement in itself. It was a miracle I was able to contain myself from getting hard; I hoped he'd be proud of me for that. I almost wanted to cry over the fact that I was even in a situation where Rin was touching me. I had to close my eyes at certain points; not because I was afraid, but because of the congenial sensation. I'd never been touched like this before, and it felt so, _good. _But it wasn't long before I felt that cool breeze again; the motion had stopped and I was left to the feeling of air on my chest. I opened my eyes again to see Rin on his knees, a rather concerned expression on his face.

"You're a virgin." He didn't assume it like Makoto had, or pretend to ask. He just told me. I forced myself to mask my horny demeanor and appear nonchalant to the whole situation, as if his hands meant nothing to me, while internally, I was freaking out. I had no clue how I should approach the statement. Would confirming his answer only make me look more like a loser? Would lying catch up with me in the future? I took my risk at the nod of shame, removing my eyes from his as I did so. Within seconds afterwards, Rin stood to his feet.

"Get up," he demanded. I feared what was yet to come as I tried to compose myself and keep from fainting as my mind drew back to reality and the reason why Rin was here in the first place. Once I stood up, Rin's arms folded sternly, yet his tone remained temperate.

"Why did you chose erotic dancing?" he asked slowly. "Though your mind is clearly unclean, you are an innocent baby dolphin flopping on the surface of dry sand trying to live as a seagull; trying to picture you as an erotic dancer is almost cute, but it's more awkward if anything." I really couldn't feel insulted by this; he was right. I couldn't even picture myself as an erotic dancer, but I guess I could picture myself as an erotic dancer better than I could a basketball player, or a chef or something; my reflexes are horrible, I can't throw for shit, and I've burnt water.

"Because you look so beautiful and free when you dance erotically, and it reminds me of myself whenever I'm swimming."

.

.

"I'm going to teach you the method of seduction. Sell me this product with your body." Rin handed me a glass cup from off the table, shoving it into my chest for me to take.

"W-what? How...?"

"Be sexy. Make me _really _want the product." He stood with his arms folded and awaited my start. Gah, it was so awkward. I was so awkward. I held the cup in my hand and turned it a little bit, placing a hand underneath it and tapping on the glass. Lord, this was so embarrassing. I had nary an idea of how to be sexy, and Rin's expression showed all. He looked as if at any second he'd fall asleep, and he was doing it on purpose. I face-palmed myself at my suicide-worthy attempt at being sexy.

"I don't know!" I threw up my hands in self-defense.

"Here, I'll show you." Rin took the cup from my hands and a step back. Suddenly, I was being forced to witness Glass Cup x Human porn. It almost disturbed me the things Rin could do with a cup, but I'd be a fool to look away. The way he had sex with my eyes, the way he made me wish I had a billion dollars for that cup... Oi. I was indeed sold. I never knew a cup could be so sexy until Rin was running it down his body. I debated on cleaning it afterwards.

"Now you try." He handed the cup back to me and I shivered; holding this cup in my hand almost felt wrong the way Rin had impregnated it. Rin watched carefully as I tried to copy his moves. I started by moving the cup down the length of my body, but once it reached my crotch, it slipped straight through my fingers and created shard babies and all over my kitchen floor. I had given up on feeling sorry for myself; I had run out of the energy to do so, resulting in my eyes staring blankly into Rin's.

"I broke it." I couldn't have said it more blandly.

After I finished cleaning the shards from the floor, I caught a glimpse of Rin checking his watch. Today was going horrible. I wanted to impress Rin, not make him wish he'd never offered to help me... I felt an unintentional tear fall down my cheek, wiping at it fast before turning to look at Rin.

"I'm going to teach you the art of hip rotation; the _right _way," he said, but in all honesty, I didn't want to learn the art of hip rotation, not today at least. At this point, I just wanted to hide myself from Rin; lock myself in my room and cry away all my imperfections. I wanted to cry away all my awkwardness and shyness, cry away all the embarrassment I had put myself through in front of Rin. Just lay down and howl until I surrender to slumber.

"I'll show you first this time. Go ahead and pull up that seat again, I promise I won't pull it from under you this time," he winked at me. He winked at me and suddenly everything I had wanted to cry about had been forgotten. He didn't seem upset, or annoyed at how much I was failing today. He hadn't yelled at me, or looked as if he wanted to give up on me, and I felt a draft of hope come over me as I obeyed his demand.

Rin had brought a bag with him; a bag in which he pulled out a mini speaker. He turned it on, plugging his iPod into the dock, (I think it's called), and pressed play.

"Okay, watch me. Learn what you can. Pick up my movements." I nodded slowly, anticipating the show I would get; I've been waiting to see Rin dance again.

Rin's hips told nothing but the truth once the music began to play. I sat back in my chair as I watched his hands slowly ride down his body until he reached the front of his thighs. His rotations started slow, yet the movement behind them was effortless. Pretty soon, he was grinding the air, giving steamy thrusts to the atmosphere, and making love to the music as I drowned in my own saliva. The way his eyes near pleaded with mine made me hornier than I was just watching his hips in all their perfection. It took every bit of my strength to keep from just licking my lips, never mind having a boner. I almost sighed when the song ended and Rin stopped. I hadn't a word to say afterwards. I couldn't even think straight as it was.

"It's really great," was probably the most stupid understatement I could have possibly uttered, but there was no trying to make it better once it was said.

"Now you try." I was afraid he'd say that.

"But I really don't-"

"-Just do it." Rin looked at me, grabbing me from my seat and pushing me over to the _stage _area. I grabbed onto my arms as if covering myself from exposure as Rin and I had traded places. The way he watched me threw my nerves through the roof, and having to do it after him made me feel stupid.

"There's a first time for everything," he said as he watched me fumble underneath the next track. I stood there in my shame, trying to find a less awkward part in the song before I started, but the entire song was awkward. It was too sexy for me to just start rotating my hips for Rin. But, I couldn't just_ not_ do it, I didn't want him to be mad at me. I didn't want him to think I had already given up, so I picked up what little was left of my pride and attempted at it slowly, trying to imitate the way I had studied Rin do it, but I was completely off. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, but I knew I was doing it wrong, the way I did everything wrong that night. The way I had fucked everything up in front of Rin. The way he must have seen me to be completely pathetic and a waste of his time.

"Be more confident with it, and look into my eyes. You have to seduce me, that is the point." He was patient with me, but his patience was what made me feel even more like a fuck-up; I hated the fact that he even _had_ to be patient with me. I hated the fact that this was yet another thing I wasn't doing right. As Rin encouraged me to look at him, I couldn't help another tear that escaped my eye once I stopped trying. What was the point in trying? I was never even going to be confident enough in myself to pull this off the way he could. I was never going to overcome my self-consciousness to be able to dance effortlessly in front of anyone. These thoughts drove me to more tears, and I stopped trying to hide them. I had already embarrassed myself enough for the day in front of someone so perfect, someone I wanted to do nothing more than to impress. My hands were quick to cover my face as I sunk down slowly to the floor in my misery. I had let my negative thoughts get to me, yet again. I had let them consume me. I wouldn't blame him for calling me a baby. I wouldn't blame him for just walking out. I was handing him the opportunity to call me hopeless on a silver platter. He could have called me a sap, a wuss, a little bitch, a useless child, a loser, a dork. He could have called me all the names in the book for the way I had collapsed to the floor and drowned in my own tears. But he didn't.

I only cried more when I felt arms around my body. I didn't deserve those arms. I was a nobody, a useless nobody. But when those arms wrapped around me, I never wanted them to let go. It was silent for a while, just the muffled sound of my bawling could be heard under the burial of my face in Rin's chest. I didn't plan on breaking-down today, but, that was just how I was; weak, fragile. Timid. His hands rubbed my back lightly as my chest hopped up and down.

"It's only your first day, Haru. Do you think I was born an erotic dancer? That would be pretty funny, wouldn't it be? Me, as a baby...well, now that I think about it, the thought is kind of disturbing." He made me laugh through my horrible sobbing, and I grabbed onto the front of his shirt for some support. He smiled, running a hand through my hair. "Hey, you're going to make me cry... I was just like you at one point. I had my dark days where I felt the world was against me. I felt like a fuck-up as well. When I first started erotic dancing for the more public eye, I came home everyday to a whole bunch of hate-mail from angered adults, stating that I should kill myself for being a _gay manwhore_. I cried for weeks. I wanted to dance so badly, but I was too afraid of people. To afraid of letting them see my full potential because I didn't want them to view me as a slut, or disgusting. It hurt. I wanted to give up completely. But there was a time when I put my foot down and questioned why I let people's opinions keep me from achieving my dreams of sharing my erotic dancing with the ones who were willing to watch. Once I stopped letting the people who disagreed with me, and my own fears, keep me from dancing, I finally allowed myself to reach my full potential, and it eventually led me to where I am now." My eyes peaked up at Rin as he told his story, tears still rolling down my cheeks.

"I don't know if any of that helped, but what I'm trying to say is; you can't have an apple if you don't plant a seed; it takes time to reach your full potential. Everyone starts out small, it takes patience before you grow into something beautiful, so never give up on your goal just because you weren't born perfect. No one was. Practice makes perfect. I may not show it well, but I believe in you, Haru, so don't cry anymore, okay? We all make mistakes. The little mistakes that haunt your self-conscious are overlooked by the people who matter." Rin pulled me away from his chest to look into my eyes. I had to be the most pathetic thing in the world, but Rin made me feel almost important. Rin made the tears go away. Rin made me smile.

"Thank you..." I said with a sniffle. It was the first time I really got to thank him for anything and have him listen long enough to hear it.

"Are you ready to become an erotic dancer now?" he smirked slightly. I wiped at my tears fast, trying to laugh off the situation, but I could barely even utter a word at how fast my heart was racing. Rin _believed in me. _He_ held me_ when I was down... I never had anyone but my mother ever do that for me. Whenever I was completely broken, whoever broke me made sure that I couldn't be fixed. When my eyes met with Rin's this time, there was a whole new sparkle; a whole new glow in his eyes as I let mine daze into his. I had been fathomed by him since day one, but, holding him like this, I could have sworn that I was falling in love. The hand that held his shirt played gently with the fabric as I watched him watch me, nodding me head with a quiet smile. I didn't want to let go when he got up, but I had no choice. My hand lingered in the air when my grip loosened and he grabbed it in response, lifting me from off the floor.

"I want to teach you." I nodded slowly as he grabbed me by the hips, guiding me gently to the right starting position as he stood behind me.

"Feel the music. Let your body become one with the tempo." His hands felt so good on my hips as I recovered from my mix of emotions. I found myself sliding my hands on top of his as he moved my hips in perfect circles. I was so lost in my own thoughts at that moment that I had forgotten exactly why we were doing this. All I knew was that Rin was touching me again, and it felt _damn _good.

"Good. Now that you've gotten the hang of it, I'm going to let go. Put your hands on my hips, Haru, and use me as your backboard." His voice was so peaceful; so gentle, and I fell needy to his demands, obeying him quickly as my hands searched desperately for the hips behind me. "Now, let your rear brush a clean sweep up against me within time of the tempo." I was doing it, but I couldn't be bothered to feel proud, not when Rin was my backboard. Not when I was clenching onto Rin's hips and brushing my ass against him. My eyes closed as I breathed in slowly, hips going around within time. At one point, everything but the music was silent. I had let out a breathy moan once I came to terms with myself that I had lost hold of all control. His hands moved back to my hips once I started going faster on him, trying to keep me withing the beat. But how could I even think about the beat in a moment like this? How could dancing within tempo even matter to me when I was so _fucking_ hard.

Rin's hands being so close to my crotch was such a tease, and as the song was near finished, I begged for it to rewind. I wasn't done. I wasn't done grinding on Rin. I wanted to feel him on me some more. I wanted to go back to the pre-lesson where he was feeling me up and down. I wanted him to touch me more, faster. Harder. It was obvious how aroused I was by the way I moaned on him softly while he played with my hips, but he kept it up until the song was over and the room went silent.

I wanted Rin to fuck me. Gah, did I want him to fuck me. He let go of my hips once the music stopped, walking over to turn both the iPod and speaker off and place it back in his bag, leaving me feeling at a loss as soon once he walked away. I debated on hiding my boner, but I had a feeling he already knew. He was now hoisting his bag over his shoulder and fixing his shirt. The look on my face was something of a horny-stoner the way my eyes were still sort of red from crying as they looked seductively at Rin.

"Your hip rotations were average and you've got a lot to learn. But I must say, the minute you picked yourself back up, I saw improvement. However, that's all the time I have for today. Keep practicing. Practice is the key. Practice, practice, practice, remember. I want you to be able to seduce me by your next lesson." Rin nodded at me, his face had gone back to his usual _sort of dazed _expression, yet his voice stayed leveled and slightly comforting.

"I will..." I nearly breathed the words.

"We're going to have to work on controlling your arousal as well. You can't be doing _that_ on a stage." He pointed shamelessly at my boner as blush concurred the entirety of my face. I looked down for a second, sort of in shock with myself on just how slutty I had been acting. I hadn't even seen Rin open the door to leave when my head shot up at the sound of the lock. He had his foot out the door when he turned one last time to look at me. I watched his eyes carefully, almost wishing he'd say he'd stay longer and _help me out_. The mere thought of me having that thought made me feel dirtier than I was already feeling..

"By the way, you have a nice ass."

.

_You have a nice ass. _Why was I smiling like a fool? Oh, I know why; because I fell in love with him that day. To think, he was just some sexy dancer I took quick admiration to. To think, not only was he sexy, but he had a heart too?

_You have a nice ass. _I almost wanted to call my mother and thank her for my ass; that's how exited I was. I giggled to myself at the thought, hugging my pillow in the dark. I wasn't tired, not even after a day of practice. No, I wished practice was_ longer_. I wished that Rin could have taught me a lesson on how to not be a virgin anymore. Oh gosh, what was I saying? I didn't even know anymore; my mind-virginity had been taken away by Rin. I could still feel him on me. I had the imprint of his hands still lingering on my hips, and it felt so good.. and I wished they were still there. When would I see him again? Would it be a week from now? Would it be tomorrow? I had totally forgotten to ask. But hey, _I have his number, _I giggled. I have his damn number.

* * *

_**Sorry this chapter is pretty lengthy. But like, I had to cover everything..lol. Haru is a lot like myself here, and I was getting emotional while writing that one bit, haha.. But hey, thank you for reading! Continue? ( Please say yes, I'm having fun writing this..lol. Three cheers for Haru the shy pervert! Eh, eh? Amarite? )**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

"Okay, now how the hell do I do this?" I decided I'd spend the day practicing the method of seduction the way Rin had taught me. I was in my kitchen, cup in hand (plastic this time, you know, to avoid anymore shard babies all over my floor). Even with being alone I couldn't help but feel slightly awkward trying to be sexy when I was the most awkward person to exist on this earth, but I had to practice; I had to practice for Rin.

The first thing I did was practice the sexy stare. I felt up the cup slowly as I bit my lip, squinting my eyes into the distance; I looked constipated if anything. I tried to think of what Rin had did the other day, adding to his moves with a touch of my own. Before I knew it, I had my tongue on the cup, running it up the side slowly while closing my eyes to give it the full effect. It was once I started getting into it that I heard a knock at the front door. My eyes immediately shot opened again as I briskly removed my tongue from the perimeter of the cup as if embarrassed by how lost I'd been in the action.

"Coming!" I hollered, throwing the cup to the side as I shuffled out of my seat. Who could it have been? At this point, it could've either been Makoto or Rin. What if it was Rin? What if he was coming back to see if I had practiced last night? Oh gosh, what if he wanted to practice again today? He told me that he wanted me to be able to seduce him by our next practice, and I was far, _far_ from that point.. I immediately ran to the bathroom; _Oh gosh, I can't let Rin see me like this..I look like I just rolled out of bed!_ But, then again...he didn't seem to care about looking like he had just rolled out of bed in front of me, so…

I fixed my hair quickly, taking brush to hair and running it down the messier of the parts. It didn't do much good, however, because now the ends were sticking up from harboring static of the bristles due to brushing so fast. _Shit_, I muttered, trying to fix it all over again before rubbing at my teeth a bit with my finger. _I hope my breath doesn't smell bad… Why was he here now? Why didn't he call me and tell me he was coming? I would have taken a shower!_ I jogged over to the front door, running one last sweep of fingers through my hair before opening the door.

"Oh, hey, Makoto!" I was both relieved yet a bit, well, not _disappointed_, but kind of.. over the fact that it wasn't Rin. Even though I looked horrible at the moment, I sort of wanted it to be, you know? Even so, I smiled when I saw Makoto, because I was just in a damn good mood.

"Do you smell the pungent fumes of sex today?" I smiled, using _teeth_. _Teeth_. Me. I expected Makoto to laugh; figured he'd be happy that I was smiling for a change, but there was something off about the way he held his face; he looked kind of pissed for some reason. I had been holding the door open for myself as I looked him over, but he took the liberty in walking underneath my arm and into my apartment without a single word to me. He also used his rights to welcome himself to a seat at my table, to where I then closed the door and glared at him in clear confusion from a distance.

"Uh, Mako-chan, is everything alright?" It couldn't have been; Mako was always smiling. When he didn't answer me, I decided to play the role of the curious parent and pull up a seat next to him, silently watching his blank expression. I didn't know what to do, though.. I'd never been a parent, nor a person anyone has ever come to with their problems. Had _I_ done something wrong? Why wasn't he speaking to me? The longer I did nothing to help, the longer the silence dragged on.

"Mako-" I attempted.

"You promised me."

"What?" was the only thing I could think to say.

"I said you promised… You said you'd hangout with me when you were done the other day…" If wasn't mistaking, I could've sworn I heard tears in those words. My eyes told all the moment I hit my sudden realization, and I couldn't have felt more like an asshole.

"Makoto...I'm so sorry, I had a lot on my mind and I completely forgot that I had promised you…" He didn't look at me still, eyes contracting on the table in front of him. I placed a shaken hand on his back; I hated making people sad. I hated being the cause of someone's sorrow, it made me feel _horrible_. "Hey, I promise for real this time that I'll spend the entire day with you. Just p-please don't be mad at me, I'm sorry…" Makoto must have sensed the pain in my own voice, because he finally looked at me. He could tell that I was serious; that I truly did feel bad for forgetting about him like that. He took in my eyes for a moment, looking left and right into each each of them until a faint smiled appeared across his lips. I couldn't help but smile even in the slightest when I saw Makoto feeling better; I was use to seeing him happy, and it kind of hurt to see him upset, especially at me.

"I can't stay mad at you, Haru." I watched his hand almost cautiously as it reached for my cheek. Pretty soon, his thumb was drawing circles on my cheekbone until his fingers decided they wanted to play with my hair instead, straightening up the frizzy strands a bit in the process. I froze; it felt weird having him _fixing_ my hair all suddenly like that, but I let it happen, since I didn't want to upset him anymore than I already had. Once his hands were satisfied, he let them down, and there was a cloud of dead air that formed around us for a moment. I hated awkward situations like this; where if I didn't say something soon enough I'd probably make him feel more awkward for running his hand through my hair than I did with him doing it. I didn't want him to feel like I _hated_ it, because in all honesty, I didn't, I guess... So I attempted at a joke.

"What, no cookies today? Get out." I guess it came out a little too harsh because Makoto's reaction frightened me a bit. I laughed bumbly, claiming that I was only kidding to where he then proceeded to laugh louder than he probably should have. I scratched the back of my neck shyly; Why the hell was I acting so awkward around Makoto? Could it be the fact that I was kind of hiding a very big secret from him? A large piece of information that could, if not shared soon enough, cause some sort of damage to our friendship due to some sort of communication issue? Another painful silence fell across the room once the laughter had died down, and I twirled my fingers in my lap hoping I wouldn't have to be the one to fix it this time.

"So, you seemed happy earlier. Who bent you over last night?" he asked to my utter horror. I didn't know how to respond but to let my mouth form the perfect _O_. _No one...no one had bent me over last night_, though I wished someone had… Great, now my mind was padding back with the succulent images of Rin's flawless body. Now I was thinking about the way I had been lying mercilessly on the kitchen floor with my shirt raised for Rin's hands to explore, panting in pure ecstasy. Now I was thinking about the pleasurable sensation of my ass grinding up rhythmically against Rin's dick, and I had to keep myself from fidgeting in my seat. _Rin. _Hehe_, Rin's dick, _I smiled a bit, until reality hit me once more and I realized I was still sitting in front of Makoto, who's expression appeared near terrified by my unresponsiveness.

"Can't I be happy without someone bending me over?" I asked quickly after, face full of red.

"I don't know, can you?" He didn't seem to want the answer, so I just let the question hang in the air. Leaving the question unanswered, however, struck into my own curiosity; I started to question myself as to whether the answer was yes or not. I mean, all I ever seemed to do was dwell on the fact that I was miserable. All I ever seemed to do was think about how bad I was at everything and how my life seemed to be going nowhere. I couldn't even recall a time when I had been in the state of pure happiness, to be honest. That is, not until Rin came into my life. Not until Rin had held me that day. Not until he had been touching me, caressing me, making me bend over for him as he held onto my hips. So, maybe the answer was yes; I couldn't really tell… Matter of fact, I couldn't even remember the question at all due to my now racing thoughts. I was feeling it all over again; mind-wise, body-wise..

"Makoto...do you think I'm sexy? Be honest." I wasn't sure if I was ready for the answer; the question sort of just slipped out in the moment, but I had to get an opinion. He didn't seem very shocked by the randomness of it either. He looked me over, twice, eyes following the length of my body slowly, making me feel slightly uncomfortable.

"No. But you're very, _very_ pretty. And cute, and very sweet...and kind...and adorable...and lovable…" _Pretty?! _I guess I couldn't really feel insulted after that long list of compliments, but for some reason, I did in a way. I wanted to be _sexy_. I wanted to be sexy, for Rin.

"Oh…" was my natural response. "I mean, t-thanks! I mean, I appreciate your praise, I guess.."

"Why does it matter if you're sexy?"

"N-no reason! I just, wanted to see..if I was, I guess..? I don't know…" I scratched violently at the back of my neck, rushing to avert my eyes from his. He laughed at me through closed-mouth.

"You can't be too sexy if you've never had sex." My eyes were suddenly glued right back to his, and I almost smiled.

"I will some day." The way my eyes slanted over at nothing in particular made Makoto even more suspicious than he had been, and I could feel the breeze of his confusion in the air.

.

.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Makoto placed his hands on my knees and smiled; he seemed to be back to his usual, cheery self.

"What is there to do today?" Makoto then went into deep thought, creasing his eyebrows and narrowing his eyes as if trying to envision some sort of plan in his head.

"Oh! I almost forgot! Remember that tall guy with the dark-blue hair that came to take over my shift the night we met at the club?" My mind immediately went back to the moment before I saw Rin; Makoto was getting off his shift and being replaced by some guy who had the word _intelligent_ written across his forehead. I nodded after a moment. "Well his name's Rei, and today's his boyfriend's nineteenth birthday. He asked me if I wanted to go to the zoo with them. I know, the zoo, right? Yeah, his boyfriend's weird like that; he'd rather spend a day at the zoo than have a party. He's very odd, and Rei is no better; Rei is an OCD freak who needs everything to be in perfect calculation in order to function properly. His dad's rich, so he's pretty much full of himself on top of that. Yep, these are my friends… So, did you want to come? I'm sure they wouldn't mind one more person. Besides, you're not the type to hate anyway." Makoto's friends sounded, _interesting_..but despite him trying to cover up the whole _zoo_ part by telling me they were just weird, I actually was quite fascinated by the _zoo part_ especially.

"Sure, I guess… I mean, I haven't been to a zoo since I was in diapers."

"Yeah, I don't go that often either. I'm suppose to be meeting them at 12:30 today, so hurry up and get ready!" Before I knew it, Makoto was pushing my back into the bedroom giggling as I chanted to him that I was going.

By the time we were in his car, the nerves finally hit me. I would be meeting new people today...what if they became my friends? What if they didn't like me? I tried to get over these thoughts as I took in a deep breath. Makoto's car was a lot neater than Rin's. It smelt of lemon/lime air freshener, and the only other thing in his car was a jacket and a pair of sneakers in the backseat. He drove a silver Dodge with average rims and comfortable, tan cushioned seats. I hadn't really thought about his car the last time I was in it.

The ride was quiet at first; Makoto seemed to be in deep thought as his eyes squinted toward the road. He never turned on the radio, which made the ride slightly floundering, but gave me some time to really analyze the person next to me. There was something really strange about Makoto; one second he seemed to be the happiest person in the world, then the next time you looked at him, he seemed so troubled. I couldn't help but think that maybe he _was_ troubled, and that putting on a smile was something he had trained himself to do, even though, deep down, maybe he wasn't happy at all. If that was true, then I must say I admired him for that. I was never good at faking a smile. I carried myself the way I felt about myself; dull. I wished I was able to pick up my emotions and throw them to the side for a moment, but I could only really do that when I truly felt happy; like the way I did with Rin.

"Oh, when we get there, if Nagisa is wearing booty-shorts: don't stare, don't look at him, don't let Rei catch you looking at him unless you're absolutely certain that you're ready to die. Don't compliment them, and especially do not insult them. Just pretend they're not even there. Well, pretend he has pants there, please, but pretend his ass isn't perfect in those shorts." Makoto waved a finger in the air at each bullet-point as his eyes stayed on the road. I almost wanted to laugh at how he had pulled those thoughts from out of the air, when here I was analyzing his thoughts in my head. It made me question what exactly it was that went on in his mind. What kind of person was Makoto, really? Who was Makoto?

"I won't," I tried to force myself to smile the way Makoto did, but it came off more painful if anything.

"Oh, and try not to give Rei anything to insult you about; he doesn't hold back, trust me. He's probably the reason that I'm so honest about things to be..well, honest. He will tell you if you are an ugly troll that needs to crawl back under the bridge in which you came from." My eyes widened at the statement.

"Did he say that to someone before..?"

"Yes, actually; a woman at a register who refused to sell his boyfriend the last Britney Spears T-shirt because it was in a woman's size and clearly too small for him. She made him cry… dear Lord, don't make Nagisa cry, not when Rei is around. I promise you, you will be buried five-thousand feet under by sunrise."

"Rei sounds like a charmer." I felt a lump welling-up in my throat.

"Oh, he is! I make him sound bad because that's my job. He's really not a bad guy; he's just very protective of his boyfriend is all. He only really acts that way when he or his boyfriend feel threatened. Good part is; there's no such thing as pointing and laughing, calling them gay or anything like that. Oh, no." He laughed as if it were funny; the thought of someone laughing at Rei for being gay. I could only imagine how it would end for them.. Rei didn't look like the very macho-type, though the way he held his eyebrows was a bit intimidating. I wasn't sure how he would greet me today… But perhaps I should've worried more about how I was going to greet his boyfriend.

"Have you ever been in a relationship?" Great, another question to sulk upon. He was good at making me feel bad for myself without even realizing it. My mind always went to _lying my way out of a situation_ so I wouldn't risk humiliating myself any further than I already had, but I just could never get myself to do it.

"No… I've been single my whole life. I've only had two shy girls fight over me before. One of them asked me out, but I said no. So then the other one asked me out, and I said no to her as well. They sort of just forgot about me afterwards. So, nope, always been alone." Makoto almost looked sorry for me, which made me feel sorry for myself. Not to mention embarrassed.

"Any crushes?" He had to go there. The amount of blood that rushed to my face was unnecessary for such a simple word like _crush._ It's not like he asked me if I was ever in _love_ with anybody. _Oh gosh, love_. I had already connected the word to Rin's face, and the way I had fallen in love with him the other day. Right back to the hands, and the smile, and the embrace...

"There was this one kid back in 8th grade…"

"Was it a dude?" Makoto was quick to intrude.

I sighed, "Well, considering the fact that I am a homosexual… Anyway, his name was Seijuurou." _Why am I even telling him this?_ "I was stupid then, though. It was just a middle school crush, I never really got much into it since I knew he was straight anyway. He was in my gym and science class. He was just nice to look at, really, and he was the only guy out of all his popular friends that didn't make fun of me for who I was; I guess that's why I called it a _crush._ He gave me a dollar once when he saw me sitting at a table in the cafeteria by myself with no food; I near had a heart attack," I laughed painfully at the memories of middle school; such terrible times they were. "But I haven't thought about him in forever. I forgot he even existed until just now."

"His name's Seijuurou, you say?" Makoto's tone surprised me the way it had went up an octave like that. I nodded. "Do you remember his full name?" I honestly couldn't recall…

"Uh...I-hm. I'm pretty sure it started with an M."

"...Mikoshiba?"

"Yes! That's it, Mikoshiba. Wow, how the hell did you know that…?" My eyes shifted cautiously to Makoto, awaiting anxiously for his answer, but he kept silent too long for my liking as his eyes widening on the road. "...What? Did you know him or something?"

"Mikoshiba Seijuurou went to your middle school…?" Makoto seemed awed by the fact, and it really had me at my highest suspicions.

"Yes, why, what happened?" He'd best had spit it out soon or else I might have had to place hands on him.

"Mikoshiba Seijuurou is the most famous dance instructor I've ever read about. He's Matsuoka Rin's sister's boyfriend, and he's taught Rin all he knows about exotic dancing. He was his tutor before he was his sister's boyfriend. That's how they met, actually."

I don't think there was a possible proper way to describe exact how I reacted at that moment; it was a mix of: _I want to die in a hole_, and _Is this real life?_ Seijuurou was Rin's dance instructor…. What were the damn _ODDS?_ To think that Sei and Rin were working together made me feel kind of sick, for two reasons: One being that I felt extremely awkward knowing that the guy I use to have a crush on associated with the man I'm in love with. And the other being that he was his _teacher_. I clenched my fists at the thought of Rin being taught sexual moves by anyone else. The thought of him being touched the way he had touched me... To think that he had been timid like me at one point and felt the same sensation I had when he was first touched by his teacher. I don't know why these thoughts were the first to pop in my head when Makoto had told me this, but they were. I was shaking. The thought had never crossed my mind before, neither did the thought that Rin was a dance instructor now… He had given lessons to other students… He'd probably touched them the way he'd touched me. I was probably nothing special. Probably just another one of his students. Suddenly, I didn't feel like going to the zoo anymore. I didn't even feel like being in the car with Makoto anymore; I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to cry.

But, he had told me he believed in me..and that those who can't look past my flaws don't matter. Was he trying to tell me that he wanted to be the one that mattered to me? Had he held his other students the way he'd held me? Was he just a kind-hearted person deep down? The more I thought about it, the more I felt myself about to cry. I loved him, I know I did. And even if all that stuff were true, it was too late for me to just stop thinking about him; he had already taken over my thoughts. Out of all the students he's probably taught, I must have been the most pathetic. I felt even more pathetic thinking that Rin would ever think about me the way I thought about him...

Makoto had realized the length in time between my response, and when his eyes met back with mine, I couldn't help the tears that seemed to have a mind of their own. They fell continuously without my consent. I tried wiping at them furiously, but they didn't stop. Before I knew it, I was making noises from the back of my throat, and the car had been pulled to the side. Makoto wasted no time in lifting the arm rest that separated our seats, unbuckling the both of us until I was being pulled into his lap like a child. He cradled me like a baby in his arms, and I couldn't help but reach up for his neck and bury my face into it. I soaked his shirt with my tears, crying now audible in his ear. He held me so tight, clinging onto me without a reason but because I was crying. He didn't know why, and if he did, he probably wouldn't even want to hug me. He held me tighter than Rin had, which only made me feel worse, and I felt a tear drop trickle down my own neck. I raised my head quickly to look into his eyes; he had been silently crying this whole time. His face was just as soaked as mine, only he was still able to show me a saddened smile once my eyes met one more with his.

"W-why are you crying..?" I asked him. He ran a shaking hand up my back and took me in close again, clutching me tightly against his chest.

"I don't know...I have no idea why you're crying like this, but, it just kills me to see you cry… It hurts so much…" He had to keep himself from releasing further tears as I stared at him. It wasn't something I expected. I mean, I knew Makoto cared about me, but this was different. He had did the same exact thing that Rin had did for me, only, he cried my tears...tears that only I should have been crying.

"I'm sorry…" I said. I didn't mean to make him cry too; that wasn't my intention. I felt horrible for being such a big baby over everything and putting it on the people I cared for. I searched for anything I could in the car to wipe his tears with, but ended up using my sleeve when all else failed.

"I'm sorry…" I said again as Makoto sniffled. It confused me how someone could cry like that just by seeing someone else cry, especially when they didn't know the reason..

"Are you feeling a little better?" he asked. He'd never asked me what was wrong, or why I had started crying in the first place; all he wanted to know was that I was okay, and something about that made me sort of smile.

"Y-yeah, sorry…"

"Stop saying sorry," he demanded, now wiping my tears with his bare hand. I looked up at him.

"S-s-I mean, okay, s-" Dammit. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying it. Makoto laughed at least.

"You're the cutest thing I know." A smile lingered at his lips though his eyes were still red from the breakdown. I blushed unmeaningly, averting my eyes at all costs. Before I could think, my chin was being lifted back into his vision. The expression on his face appeared painful; desperate; yearning. I froze where I was, eyes wide in his, not knowing what to think or how to react. Pretty soon, his face started moving closer to mine and his eyes started closing, and all I could think was: _What is he doing? Is he trying to kiss me? I'd never kissed anyone before… What if I'm terrible? Wait, why is he trying to kiss me? Should I..let him? But, I love Rin.. I haven't really figured out my feelings for Makoto yet..._

I fell off his lap just in time for him to miss my lips, landing in the cracks between the seat and the floor.

"I-I can't! I'm sorry, I'm-n-not yet, I…" Makoto offered me his hand and helped me to my seat. He moved back over to his own and replaced his seat-belt, demanding me to put mine on as well. I felt horrible. I felt like a horrible person. Here he was, comforting me at his best, and I denied him.

"Makoto…" I started.

"No. I understand. _I'm_ sorry." It disturbed me how he was still able to somewhat smile at me. Clearly, he was upset. Clearly he wanted to cry some more; I could see it by the way his eyes never left the front of the road the rest of the ride there.

.

.

It was just like Makoto had said; That Nagisa kid was wearing booty-shorts, and his butt looked damn good in them too. _Don't stare, don't stare, don't stare_. Makoto waved over at the two as we approached. Rei was a lot taller than I remembered. He didn't look to happy to see me either.

"Hey, who said you could invite someone? You should have asked Nagisa first; it's his birthday," he frowned at Makoto, narrowing his eyes at me afterwards. I almost hid behind Makoto, but instead I just waved up at him quickly.

"Sorry to intrude! I-"

"-Happy Birthday, Nagisa! This is my friend, Haru. Would it be okay if he joined us for the evening? He's a good kid." Makoto grabbed the top of my head and patted gently.

"Thanks, Mako-chan! I'm glad you made it, and of course Haru-chan can come!" _Haru-chan? Already?_ I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Nagisa ran up to Makoto and hugged him tightly while Rei scratched the back of his neck.

"So, Haru. I'm Rei."

"Nice to meet you," I tried to make him like me with an innocent smile.

I had to say, I did quite enjoy my time at the zoo. Rei wasn't at all as bad as Makoto had described him, and Nagisa was a sweetheart to me. He was so lively and full of giggles; it made me feel good just seeing him enjoying himself so much on his birthday. The way he clung onto Rei whenever he wanted his attention was cute too; it made me think of Rin for some reason. Their relationship seemed perfect, and I pictured holding hands with Rin the way they held hands whenever they were next to each other, but I had to stop thinking like that; _Rin would never like me back._ He may like me as a person one day, but he'd never love me the way I love him. I felt Makoto's hands on my shoulders as he pushed me forward; I hadn't realized I'd be staring at the two of them in one spot for so long.

I think we stayed the longest at the penguin exhibit. Nagisa seemed to like penguins a lot.

"Nagisa likes penguins a lot," Rei confirmed. I nodded; I guess penguins were pretty cool. It was weird being at a place like this and having _fun_ with other people, or, _friends_… About a week ago, I would have never imagined experiencing half the things I experienced in just a few days of moving away. Rei told me a few stories about how his father had moved his business and was now the owner of one of the richest companies in America; I couldn't help but assume he meant McDonald's, though I didn't want to insult him. Nagisa showed me his keychain collection; there was a pile of tiny figurines of animals on it, specifically ones that associate with the ocean: there was a killer whale, a dolphin, a seal, a shark, a fish, about six penguins, a stingray, and a random butterfly that kind of threw off the whole theme he had going for him. But with Rei hovering over our shoulders, I didn't question it.

Once I got down to it, one of the highlights of my time at the zoo had to be during our dinner break. Nagisa is adorable, but I didn't think of him to have such a broad sense of humor. For some reason we had gotten into these things called, _yo mama jokes._ At first I thought they were just insulting my mother, until I received the dumbest looks back from all three of them. They seemed to be the ones insulted by the fact that I had never heard a_ yo mama joke_ before. I hadn't known that was actually a thing; making fun of people's mother's using incorrect grammar for the words "your" and "mother." Nagisa took my lack of such knowledge as a golden opportunity to lay on me everything he knew on the subject, starting by finding a few off of some website he had looked up on Google. I didn't really get them at first, and I didn't see how making fun of someone's mother could be funny, but as he went on, I found myself laughing at the ones like, "yo mama so fat, her stomach celebrated Christmas five months before we did," which didn't quite make sense to me, because how could a stomach jump ahead in a calendar? However, we were all in that mood where you just laugh because everything around you is now funny, so I had laughed at even one's like, "yo mama so fat, her full-time job is working as the down-button on an elevator." The corniest ones were the funniest. I hadn't been able to laugh so hard in forever, I can't even remember the last time I had a decent belly laugh, because I never really had anyone to share them with. I never really had anyone's laughs to feed off of. The way Makoto laughed made me laugh even more; everything seemed to be 100% more funny to him than to anyone else, and I couldn't help but feel happy that he was truly enjoying himself.

When it finally got dark, Nagisa suggested that we all go see the new tunnel-aquarium they had added to the zoo this year. He wanted to see it once it got dark, because it was said to have a pretty glow at night. And it did, boy, did it ever. It was _beautiful_. I'd never seen anything like it, the way the entire tunnel was made up of an aquarium, even the ceiling.. It made me feel like I was underwater, swimming with the fishes. My eyes remained enlarged the entire time, taking in the flawless water in all its glory. There were hundreds of different fish of all different colors everywhere. I planted my ear against the glass like a child and closed my eyes, trying to hear what I could of the water. It sounded as beautiful as it looked, and I wished there was some way I could just dive in and swim away with the current. I got so caught up in the moment, that I hadn't heard my name being called.

"Haru!" Makoto grabbed me from off the glass wall. "I said, Rei and Nagisa are going to the car to get Nagisa's jacket. You and I both know they won't be back for a while." I was still in my aquatic-trance as I looked at Makoto, nodding my head once I realized he had just said something to me.

Makoto stood close to me the entirety of our alone time, breathing down my shoulder as I explained to him the different types of fish that swam by. I became his tour guide as he followed me around the perimeter of the tunnel. However, he seemed more interested in my neck than my descriptions; he kept playing with it; making little 'running-men' on it, poking my Adam's apple, placing a hand in back of it, the list went on. However, we both sort of lost hold of reality when we saw a beautiful manatee float so gracefully across our view from behind the glass. Our eyes followed its beauty until we were both standing there mindlessly, eyes lingering in the spot where it once was.

.

"So, you never told me; what relationships have you been in? You're not a virgin, so I assume you've been in at least one." It struck my curiosity at a dead moment, so I decided to continue our conversation from where I had unintentionally cut it off with my sobbing. Makoto seemed a bit nervous by my sudden question, as if he'd hoped to get out of answering it earlier due to my intrusion. He sat me down on a nearby bench with him, as if whatever he was about to say was something I should be sitting down to hear, and suddenly, I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear it anymore. He took in a deep breath and ran his fingers up his face and through his hair, and all I could think was, _oh gosh, don't you dare tell me you banged Rin._

"Well I can't hide it from you forever…. I was a whore back in freshman year. There, I said it. I got it out of the way. I've changed drastically, though, I promise. I'm not the way I use to be, and I plan to keep it that way… I didn't have too many friends either back then, so I allowed guys to punish me however they pleased just because they knew I was gay. Those jocks who were _bi-curious_ always came to me for a good time. They'd do a whole bunch of weird shit to me, and I'd lay there like a horny little bitch and take it. And I liked it…" He shook his head at the memories, placing his face in his hands for a moment before continuing. "I was desperate and wild. I just wanted to be loved, and make love, _all the time_… And it all started when...I was, raped by, my…" He died out before finishing his sentence, and I didn't dare press-on. His face was back in his hands, and he slumped into his knees. I didn't know what to do, I wasn't like him; As I discussed earlier, I didn't know how to comfort people. Instead, I panicked, looking left and right for no reason before placing a hand awkwardly on his back. Maybe I should take him into my arms the way he did with me. Maybe I should tell him it was okay, but, how did I know whether it was okay to him? I didn't want to say the wrong thing, so I kept my mouth shut as I rubbed his back. He didn't cry out, he barely even moved. He sat there like a rock and I waited for him to come back out of his shell.

"Please don't think I'm disgusting…" he said through his hands. I couldn't hear him at first, until he lifted his face back up with surprisingly not a single tear drop present, though his expression was clearly pained beyond compare. "Please don't think I'm disgusting, Haru…I swear it was only Freshman year; I changed completely since then. I hated myself, Haru. I needed someone to love me. I was terrible." By the look on his face, I couldn't help but place my hands onto his shoulders and shift him towards me slightly, shaking my head violently at his plead.

"No, no, never. We all make mistakes. No one is born perfect." I had realized exactly where I'd gotten those words and felt a tightness in my throat. In an instant, Makoto turned back to me, lifting me off the bench until I was a pillow in his arms. They wrapped around my waist and his body pressed up hard against mine, and he didn't let go for anything. His arms moved up and down my waist as he breathed in my sent, hand clenching at the fabric of my shirt. Pretty soon, his hands were grazing through my hair as his nose ran slowly up against my neck, and I could hear his uneven breaths by my ear. His eyes were closed when he switched sides with my neck, letting his lips now graze slightly over the area as a hand went lightly down the front of my shirt.

"I'm really glad I met you, Haruka," he whispered to me softly, pulling me close again as his arms now wrapped around my neck. He pulled away for just a moment to look lovingly into my eyes, searching each one deeply and with care before smiling a gentle, quiet smile.

"Me too," I said back, feeling his hands playing with some strands of my hair. For some reason, I didn't mind being this close to Makoto; I felt comfortable around him already. I never had someone that I felt safe around who wasn't my mother, but I did now.

Rei and Nagisa came back just in time to witness the manatee come swimming past the glass wall again, leaving all four of us in awh, Makoto and I once again in pure fascination. As the day was summing to a close, the four of us stood in a little social-circle, talking about this and that, plans and memories. Makoto had let go of my neck to explain something using his hands, and while they were all in the middle of a laugh about a topic they had reminisced on from the past, I felt a vibration in my pocket. My eyes widened at the feeling; a vibration in my pocket could have meant one of two things: my mother was calling, or it could have been Rin…

"U-uh, excuse me! I have to take this phone call." I ran in the opposite direction of the group as they all watched me leave, Makoto's eyes lingering on my path a bit longer than the others as I turned the corner, making sure to go far away from ear range before hurrying to retrieve my phone from my pocket. Thank God it was still ringing.

As soon as my eyes hit the caller ID, I froze. I was out of breath from running, and on top of that, I near had a heart attack from seeing the name _Matsuoka Rin_ flashing on my phone screen. I almost dropped it trying to click on the _answer_ icon.

"H-h-hello?"

"Haru, it's Rin. Are you busy right now?" I could hardly catch my breath, because even after having taken a break from running, the sound of Rin's voice had a harsher effect on taking my breath away.

"Uh...no… W-why?" I didn't want to tell him I was busy and blow my chance at possibly getting to see him again tonight. _Hell_ no...

"Great. Could you meet me at the Samezuka park tonight? I want to talk to you. It's on Tenth Street. From your house it would be two lefts, then a right. It's easy." _Rin, wanted to talk to me..? Tonight…? At the park…?_ I didn't know whether to scream or faint.

"Y-yes, o-okay, thank you...I will..be there as soon as I can!"

"Cool. I'll wait for you as long as I can." And with that, he hung up, but I couldn't help but stand solid in place at his last words. I quickly snapped out of it, though, because _oh gosh, I need to go home now!_ I ran faster than I had leaving on the way back to the group. What could Rin have wanted to talk about? Why so late, and why at the park? Why now? Why so suddenly? Damn, my heart was beating uncontrollably. I wanted to see Rin. No, I _needed_ to see Rin. Even though I had just seen him the other day, I realized I didn't want to go another second without seeing him. My only problem now; my only obstacle was, Makoto. How was I going to convince him to take me home? Sweet grandma, _shit! _How was I going to get him to agree to take me home without mentioning the name _Rin_? I am a _terrible_ liar...

* * *

_**Yes, I do ship both RinHaru and MakoHaru (though my RinHaru love is indeed stronger). So I had to get my MakoHaru love on a bit, hardyhar. Thank you for reading! What are yah thinking?! *smiles creepily* I heart reading your thoughts, my loves.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

I was out of breath by the time I'd reached the group again. Their conversation was put to an instant halt as they watched curiously my near-panicked state. _Okay, time to put on my terrible acting skills._ I took in one last breath before attempting a tired gaze up into Makoto's eyes.

"Who was that on the phone?" he interrupted my scene. I should have been prepared for the question, but I wasn't. I froze up for a moment, returning to my play shortly after.

"Oh, Makoto...It was my, mother...She didn't sound like she was...feeling very well…." _Oh no...I already feel horrible for using my mother in this lie._ "Hearing her sound so sick has really exhausted me… I want to go home now…" I tried not to make eye contact and just breathe. Lying was very hard for me, because I knew that it would tease at my conscience until I'd eventually feel like I couldn't live anymore unless I told the truth. But now wasn't the time to worry about my conscience. Makoto's eyes widened at my abnormal demeanor; I looked more scared than sad or tired.

"Haru… I'm so sorry your mother's sick…" He wrapped his arms around my neck to comfort me. _No, stop, don't feel bad for me; it only makes it harder to lie!_

"No, don't feel bad, she'll be fine...trust me...I'm just a little exhausted now, though, so..uh...Could you take me home, please…?" I almost crossed my fingers right in front of him. I looked too suspicious; why was I holding my mouth that way? Even the tone of my voice was a bit off, and I could feel Makoto studying me silently, putting me on edge.

"That's understandable. I mean, we were going to go over to Nagisa's place for a bit and sing Happy Birthday, watch him open his presents, eat cake… He has a bed. I'd hate to have you not there at all, you know? I'm sure if you're tired he'd definitely let you lay down and rest-"

"No!" Crap, I didn't mean to sound so desperate.. "I-I mean, I'm sorry… I hate to miss out on the rest of Nagisa's celebration, b-but..I'd rather sleep in my own bed at home…" Makoto still seemed kind of stunned by my sudden outburst. _Dammit, I need to find a way to get him to let me go._ This was going to turn me into a worse person than I already was, but I didn't want Rin waiting on me too long, because I knew he wouldn't wait forever. So..

I decided to turn on the charm. Now, keep in mind that this is me. _Me_, attempting to turn on the charm for someone. I took the leap of faith getting close to Makoto, lacing my fingers with his and giving him a (somewhat) seductive pouting-face.

"_Mako-chan_," I sang, "Please take me home. I wanna go home…" I let go of his hands and nuzzled into his neck, clinging onto the sides of his shirt while making tiny whining noises.

"Hey guys I'm going to go take Haru home, his mother's sick and he's exhausted. I'll meet you at the house once I drop him off." _Well, that was easier than I'd imagined._ Nagisa gave me a hug, a _nice meeting you_, and a _thank you for coming_ while Rei waved us goodbye. Makoto gave them one last wave before grabbing me by the hand and walking me toward the exit, and I couldn't help but smile in relief that my plan had succeeded.

.

I had to keep my act going until I was inside the safe closure of my home, so I pretended to be asleep during the car ride, laying my head against the window and closing my eyes. I kept it up pretty well, until I felt a gentle touch run up my thigh. My chest started aching as the hand continued to travel. _Oh gosh, should I pretend I don't feel it since I'm technically sleeping? Should I pretend it woke me up?_ Once the hand reached too high up my thigh for my liking, I couldn't just _sleep through it_ anymore.

"Makoto!" My eyes dilated in his direction. He removed his hand slowly, however, my sudden awakening clearly had not startled him. His eyes remained their focus on the road and he didn't say anything to defend himself from what he had just been doing. It shocked me a bit; the look on his face as he drove. He was biting his lips all weird, the way Rin did when he danced. My eyes lingered a bit until they were directly on the bulge in his pants, expanding once they settled at the sight of a rather aroused Makoto. His voice startled me out of my bewilderment.

"You know, I'd love for you to just, throw me on that bed tonight. I'd make you feel better. I _guarantee_ you."

"Ma…" I couldn't even speak anymore, complete shock had taken over my body, and I didn't know whether I wanted to blush or smack him across the face, because it was getting highly uncomfortable in such a limited area.

"I know you're a dirty little pervert, Haru. I bet you're classy in the streets, but a wild animal in the bedroom." _Makoto, stop…_ I tried to ignore his constant sexual statements, but there's only so much you can ignore. His hand started reaching for me again, and I kindly, but fearfully removed it.

"Please stop, Makoto."

"Your hands are shaking. Do you want it that badly, Haru? Because I can gladly give it to you," he laughed breathy and kept this up the entire car ride, never failing to make me feel vulnerable.

By the time we made it to the parking lot to my apartment, I made no hesitation to feel for the key in my pocket and unlock the door, only to have Makoto breathing down my neck and playing with my hips soon after. I hadn't even realized he'd followed me out the car due to my hurried state.

"U-uh, thanks for taking me home, it's been fun," the sentence sort of just scrambled out of my mouth as I went inside and attempted to shut the door politely in front of me, nodding once to Makoto with a quick goodnight behind the safety of my door. However, Makoto made an effort to stand in the way of the door so that it would be impossible for me to close unless I was willing to crush him. He leaned over me in the doorway, leaving me to panic in front of him, not necessarily because he was leaning in my doorway, but because of the time I was running out of to get to Rin; it had already been almost half an hour since I'd told him I was coming.

"Did you want me to stay over for a little while?" he placed a teasing hand on my chest and I shuddered.

"I-I can't. I-I just want to be...alone...sorry. Uh, goodnight, Makoto!" I gave him a quick pat on his cheek so that there wouldn't be any hard feelings between us once I placed him to the side a bit and shut the door on his face. I breathed heavily, back against the door as I waited for his presence to vanish before moving a muscle. He stood there, lingering at my door for a while as if I would open it again and change my mind. _Please Makoto, I'm sorry, just please go home for now…_ I felt like an asshole for wanting Makoto to leave me alone. I didn't normally want him to leave me alone, but it was essential right now.

It was when I saw the headlights of his car flash through the window once he pulled out of the parking lot that I immediately ran to the bathroom. I made the effort to freshen up a bit; fixing my hair and applying some more deodorant before heading out to my car. I wanted to look good for Rin. It didn't matter if he felt comfortable enough around me to dress in what he slept in, I still wanted to look good for him because I couldn't pull off the whole "bed" look the way he could. Even after a few hours of hanging out with Makoto and his gang, I felt like I needed to touch up a few things that had fallen out of place. Gah, I was such a freaking girl when it came to Rin.

I felt like I needed to call Rin before I took off, let him know that I was still coming. I sat in my car with the phone shaking much too compellingly in my hand. _What if he's already gone? What if I annoy him by calling? What if he's pissed that I'm late? Oh gosh, please still be there…_ As soon as he picked up, I hadn't waited for his introduction before forcing my apologies on him.

"Rin! I'm so sorry, I got caught up in something. I'm on my way now, please don't leave yet!" I let out the rest of the breath I had been holding once I finished my spiel.

"I wasn't going to leave. I planned on talking to you. I've got nothing else to do tonight either, so I could sit here all night and wait if I felt like it." Rin's voice made me sweat, but his words made me sweat even more. I tried to breath as I nodded my head in response like he could see.

"Thank you… I-I mean, I'll be there any minute now."

"Great. See you then."

My entire body trembled out of my control once I pulled my car into a parking space at the Samezuka Park. It was dark, and I was already a mess. I had to clear my head for a minute, give myself one more moment to breathe, to calm down, to collect my thoughts, to close my eyes. Why was I so nervous? I've had Rin touching me in my house before. Why would being alone with him in a public park at night be worse than having him feel me up on my kitchen floor? I turned my car off, leaving the area my headlights once illuminated to fade back to black as I got out the car. _What did he want to talk about? What did he want to know? Had I done something wrong?_ That had to be why I was so nervous; the fact that I could have been walking into a war-zone. _Haru, I don't want to teach you anymore; you're unteachable. Haru, you're not sexy, and you never will be. Haru, I don't like you enough to teach you. Haru, I have feelings for you…_

My throat clenched up at the thought of any of those things being said to me by Rin as I walked toward a dim-lit area by the swings. And that's when I spotted him; he sat with his head down, the motion of his swinging lazy and weak as he drew pictures in the dirt with his feet. He looked so cute on that swing, clearly too big for the seat. My heart stopped once I realized I was walking toward him, and it wasn't until I was right in front of him that he looked up from where he sat. I opened my mouth, but had forgotten how to speak. He didn't smile at me. He didn't even say hi; he just looked at me. And just as suddenly as he'd looked at me, his eyes were back on his feet, and I was left to stand there dumbly watching him. By the looks of it, he didn't seem to be in a particularly good mood. _Haru, I don't like you enough to teach you. Haru, I hate you._ My mind was slowly being devoured by my haunting assumptions I'd come to in that moment. _He's mad at me, he's mad at me, he's mad at me, oh my gosh, he's mad at me…_ I sat down quietly on the swing next to him, already feeling a wave of depressing seep over me and not being able to move a muscle because of it.

"Have you been practicing?" It was the first thing to come out of his mouth, but I was just happy he didn't say he hated me.

"Y-yes! I actually started practicing this morning; the cup thing you showed me.."

"Good." Unfortunately, another silence followed, mainly because I wasn't known for following up on conversations. I didn't know how to respond to the word _good,_ all I knew was that I felt happy when Rin said _good_ to me. _Good_ is a compliment. _Good_ meant that he was proud of me. I liked when Rin was proud of me. But, even so, as the silence went on, I couldn't help but feel a bit anxious; he hadn't said anything else. He called me here, all suddenly like this...there had to be more to the question than just _have I been practicing. _

"Is...that why you wanted me to come here; to ask if I'd practiced?" I waited impatiently through yet another suspenseful response as his eyes remained on his feet.

"I wanted to sit here with you." The amount of heat that ran up my body was incredible.

"R-really…? That's...all?"

"Yes.

"But, why me?"

"Because I wanted it to be you. I don't see why my motives are being questioned all of a sudden." It was the first time he'd _really_ looked at me that night, so it was a good thing it was pretty dark, because my face had turned a bright red.

"Sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you!" I waved my hands in self-defense, pleading his forgiveness as he turned away once more.

How does one not smile at all at the mere thought of the situation? Out of everyone, everyone Rin probably knew. Out of all the rich people with nice houses and fancy cars he must have been surrounded by. Out of all the well-dressed models with their perfect styles, flawless bodies, and stunning faces to match, he chose to spend this time with me; a lanky nervous-wreck of a failure dork who wore an over-sized black sweat-jacket, a shirt with a dolphin on it that was clearly getting too small for me, and black high-water shorts, calling it _looking nice for a change_. I almost laughed at the thought, but I felt sorry for myself if anything having compared myself to perfect people, and suddenly I was thinking about what had been bothering me earlier; I was probably nothing more than another student to him. Him calling me over to the park like this probably didn't mean as much as I wanted it to. He wasn't even talking to me.

"Uh, M-Matsuoka Rin…?"

"No. You call me Rin." His expression appeared temporarily pained when he glanced at me this time.

"Rin, sorry…" It was hard to hold back my grin here for some reason, even with that look on his face, even with my own neurotic build-up as I attempted at the second half of my question. "H-how did the other one's go? Your private lesson with your other students, I mean…" I put my head down to prepare myself for the answer.

"They went nowhere; I've only given private lessons to you." Was someone playing the drums, or was that just the fulminating bellow of the unsturdy pounding of my heart?

"You mean... I'm your first?"

"Yes." Yep, it was definitely the fulminating bellow of the unsturdy pounding of my heart.

.

.

I sat with Rin. I just sat there, watching him occasionally. This went on for about half an hour, and half the time Rin looked lost in his own thoughts. His face seemed both confused and hurt at the same time, leaving me to the edge where I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to ask him if he was okay. I wanted to ask him what was bothering him, I did, but I didn't want to sound nosy. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and end up making him feel even worse. I was the absolute last person to come to for comfort. Not only was I terrible at it, but I was the person who'd probably unintentionally make you cry by just telling you _it'll be okay_. I didn't want to see Rin cry. God, I didn't want to see Rin cry, especially not when I was the cause of it.

"You say you like to swim, right?" He caught me staring at him. The question was random, almost like it was made just to start off conversation, but it attracted me instantly.

"Yes! I love to swim." I scared myself at how fast I had answered; I had jumped at the question like a cat at meal time. My voice always went up an octave whenever someone mentioned swimming, and he had my interest by the mere sound of the "s" and "w."

"I have a pool," he proclaimed, rising himself from the swing immediately after and awaiting me to do the same.

"R-r-really?! I mean, I don't want to bother you…"

"If I didn't want you to come, I wouldn't have mentioned it."

.

.

The car ride was much more nerve-wracking than it had been the last time I sat in his passenger's seat. I was still trying to get over the fact that he was taking me to his _house_, to swim in his _pool_. I could only imagine what his pool looked like, let alone his house. By the time we pulled up to the gate, my jaw had already been hanging somewhere on my lap. The gate opened at the single press of a button located in his car, and I felt like I was entering some sort of secret magical kingdom of gold. His house was _huge_, no, huge wasn't the word. I'd think of a more suitable one, but my mind had been too dazzled by the glory of it all.

"Follow me," Rin said. I almost didn't hear him over all the drooling. I put my tongue back in my mouth and obeyed, now all I needed was to bark. And not only was the outside beautiful; I felt too poor to even be standing on his carpet. His house was set up so cozy. He had unique furniture, and the tan color of the walls gave it a warm, mellow atmosphere. Though there were a couple pairs of shoes lying around, I was almost surprised at how neat he kept it. He must have a maid or something, considering his car.

"Wow...your place is beautiful," I felt the need to comment.

"Thanks. I'm quite thankful to live in it, really." He led me up the stairs as he continued. "I sometimes find myself thinking about how not many people can afford places like this. I wasn't always rich, you know. I thank God for my house everyday." I think I was more in awe over his words than I had ever been at the mere sight of his house. Everything about him was beautiful, and it turned me on even more knowing that not only was he kindhearted, but he didn't take things for granted. He was intimidating, stand-offish, short-spoken, a closed book. Yet, he was perfect, flawless. Addicting.

He led me to his bedroom, and I felt like I'd sinned just standing in it. His room looked the most like him; there were clothes piled in a corner and Tootsie Roll wrappers around the floor of his bed. It was King Sized; the Tootsie Roll bag I mean. His bed was a lot smaller than I'd imagined. I guess I just expected someone famous to have a large bed. It was about a Queen, maybe just a little smaller, the rest of the space in his room was occupied by desk-tops full of scrapbooks and journals. His walls were the color of Autumn while his rug was black. You'd think that someone with all this money would have a giant flat-screen TV in his bedroom, but not this celebrity. No, this celebrity insisted on having an old-fashioned jukebox instead. Of course, that was no bother on my behalf; I took immediate interest in it the moment it met my eyes. I was fascinated by old-fashioned items, and I ached to know what albums he had in there. I got so caught up in the atmosphere of his room that I hadn't noticed Rin rummaging through his drawers until a pair of swim trunks hit my face.

"Here, put those on," he said, while I silently fangirled over Rin's swim trunks having hit my face. But before I could ask him where a bathroom was, Rin started stripping down right in front of me. Can you imagine my face at that moment? You wouldn't be able to, but it was something of a pregnant woman giving birth and a teenage girl receiving her first car, if that makes sense. I quickly fixed my posture before Rin could see, but I was still having trouble breathing, or, living for that matter. I raped his abs with my eyes as my focus traveled down to his penis without my consent. _Bad eyes, _I thought. _Naughty eyes, _though I did nothing to stop them. He seemed very comfortable with exposing his body in front of me, and it didn't surprise me for a second. Had I owned a body like that, I'd never wear clothes. Seeing him in a speedo was almost as fun as seeing him naked. He played with the corners of it awkwardly and made a face.

"Ugh, I hate speedos so much, but my other trunks are in the wash." I had to say, I didn't mind speedos. On Rin, that was.

I must have blinked over eighty times before I realized that the pool beholding me was indeed real life and not a figment of my imagination. Not only was it colossal, but it was on his upstairs patio...and it was _underground_. How's that possible? Like, it floated. The pool was floating. It was attached to the house but it was floating. Like it was built into the patio floor on his third-story. I'd never heard of a third-story patio-pool until I was witnessing it with my own eyes. It almost looked dangerous; as if it would break off had too many people sat in it at the same time. But that didn't stop me from jumping in. Sure, it wasn't my property, nor my pool, but if you're going to dangle a foreign pool in front of my face, do not expect me not to jump at it. It'd been too long since I'd felt the water on my skin, so it seemed, but every time we met, it was like we had fallen in love all over again. I was effortless in the water, and I knew it. If there was one thing I could say I was proud of, it would be how connected I was to my passion. How I became a creature of the blue whenever I made contact with the wade. I almost got lost at sea before realizing exactly where I was. I was quick to poke my head back out of the water until my vision was clear enough to see the expression on Rin's face. He was still standing where I had left him, but he didn't look offended, or angry, or even confused. He looked amazed.

"I am so sorry…" I said slowly, embarrassed by my sudden loss of control.

"No...you were right; you _are_ a swimmer...a beautiful swimmer. You look so effortless in the water…" I think it had been the first time I'd ever taken Rin's breath away, which took my breath away knowing that I was able to impress Rin so grandly for the first time. I was shaking again, feeling all hot and nervous by the way Rin had been observing me. I liked it, but at the same time it pained me, because now I was getting those thoughts again; the ones where I want to touch him. The ones where I want him to pin me down by the arms and kiss me. Every inch of me.

"T-thank you…" I whispered, though I don't know why it came out so softly. I'd hoped he'd heard it.

"My turn," Rin mumbled, though I didn't have time to question what he'd said because soon after, my face had been attacked by water, and by the time I could see again, Rin was gone. I looked around until I saw a splash of red rising slightly over the top of the water. It approached me slowly, and I wondered what his oxygen limit was. "Rawr!" he exclaimed in my face, but I think what had caused me to jump was the fact that Rin was being, _playful_, rather than the sudden outburst. He chuckled softly, and it had to have been the cutest thing I'd ever witnessed. His laugh was both cute, raspy, and not to mention _so adorable_. I noticed that his teeth weren't as rounded as normal, but much more of a point at the tips, and it reminded me of a shark. It took me a moment to realize the position we were in, too; Rin had me standing at a straightened halt as he cornered me to the pool-wall. I wanted to reach out and touch him so badly. I wanted to just yank him into my arms right then and refuse to let go, but just as soon as those visions occurred in my thoughts, he had leaned over to the other wall, and I felt the consummate loss of his presence.

"So, why did you come to the club that night, Haru?" The back of Rin's arms straddled the edge of the pool while he kicked up his feet a bit, and I could feel the impact in the water as I watched his legs cross paths with my vision.

"I don't know, really...My mom called me and told me to have some fun for a change, so I went to a club."

"You're a little pervert, aren't you?" Rin smirked.

"What?! N-no! I didn't know it was a strip club, honest!" (Though I am kind of a pervert).

"Who's the guy you were there with?" He dropped the question on me so fast I had trouble picking it up. Why would he want to know who he was…?

"...He's my friend; Makoto. He's actually a pretty big fan of yours. I honestly never heard of you until that night. Not because I wasn't interested or anything! I don't know a lot about pop culture or whatnot…"

"I see." I couldn't read his expression no matter how hard I tried; he was an unreadable man. His face always seemed either concerned or confused, even a little unintentionally smug at times. And for some reason, there always seemed to be even a small sprinkle of pain in there somewhere, no matter what it was. His eyebrows sort of curved distinctively, but there was something very attractive about it. Something about it I loved.

"Uh.." I said after a brief pause. There'd been something that was bothering me since the first time I laid eyes on him. "M-Makoto, my friend, said that w-when you dance, you, focus on only the dance when you're on stage, a-and it's rare for you to look into the a-audience until after you're done…" I took in a gasp from the way he was looking at me now. He seemed to be glued my speech, which only made it harder to get it out properly. "b-but…" _Oh gah, stop staring at me like that!_ "b-bu…but you looked at me! You-you looked at me and mouthed the lyrics! I...a-and I was watching you the whole time...you hadn't look at anyone, but, but _me_… I just want to know, w-why…?" I could feel the entirety of my body tremor like crazy, followed by a wave of embarrassment. The look on Rin's face wasn't like his usual expression, though I still couldn't read it. Something about it looked softer, and it pained me, and it destroyed me, and it took my breath away, and it thrilled me, and it killed me, and it amused me all at the same time and I couldn't tell you why it did but it did. It just did.

"I'm sorry, I...I, just…" Everything that had been moving around me or inside of me had stopped. My heart stopped, my mind stopped, the water stopped, my lungs stopped, everything was put to an abrupt halt. Rin now hovered in my vulnerable-bubble with a hand against the pool wall. I'd lost all feeling in my body, forgotten how to breath, and with that, his eyes pierced into mine. They bored into mine. Bled into mine. They swam so deep, that all memory of where I was and what happened in the past few hours had escaped me. And with that, he moved closer. The world didn't matter, time didn't matter, oxygen; it didn't matter. And with that, his lips touched mine as his hands caressed my cheeks, reeling me in closer. He didn't have to try, he didn't have to struggle, because I had fallen. Fallen so desperately hard for that touch, for that kiss. My knees grew weaker as I clung to him for support, blanketing my arms around his neck, growing more and more needy for his lips, but he pulled away before I could get carried away by his taste.

"You caught my attention," he answered, leaning back over on his side of the wall. I breathed out from the loss. Words like those would normally leave me dizzy. Words like those would normally make me smile, but what were words when I had Rin lingering so strongly on my lips? He stayed there, watching me watch him, but no; I couldn't allowed it. I wasn't going to let him slip away so quickly. I never thought I'd be the one to make an approach, but I needed him more than anything right now. I _craved_ him, thirsted for him. I trotted my way through the pool until I was right in front of him again, reaching my arm desperately for his chest as he watched. My hands quivered once they felt that soft, wet skin, and I fell weak once more.

"I'm sorry...I-I just wanted to, f-feel you, one last time…" I breathed. I couldn't take it. I couldn't control it to the point that a tear came streaking down my cheek. Rin continued to watch me silently as my hands ran shyly up to his neck and grabbed onto his hair. I pressed my body onto his and let my eyes shut slowly, releasing an everlasting breath of air after holding it in for so long. I moaned for no reason but the utter bliss I'd been subjected to once Rin took control of me. His kisses were rougher than mine, but I wanted them _rougher_. My body had already come over itself at the mere aura of Rin's hands on my waist. The water around us added to the impact of the pleasure, and the amount of pleasure I felt was expressed through how hard I clung onto his hair and which moan I expressed while doing so.

Those hands were so gloriously talented, having me at my highest vulnerability. I moaned at even the simplest trace of my nipple. I moaned even as he rode his tongue up my neck, but not a single moan had compared to the ones I'd given him once his hands were down my trunks. I gasped, clinging tighter to him as our bare chests smeared roughly against each other due to my own reactions. I'd grind against everything his hand did in my pants, crying out louder as the pleasure increased. His other hand had fun teasing the sensitivity of my nipples as I cringed and shivered under his dominance. I was a moaning mess by the middle of it all, and I had already been breathing harshly into his ear. Rin's lips embraced my neck as he teased the tip in my trunks, and I clawed onto him in a whining sensation. I had never been this hard before. I had never been so aroused in my entire life. It was so amiable, such revelry, that I had lost all sense of self-moral.

"Rin...please...take ever last bit of my virginity away from me forever..._fuck me_…fuck me, Rin…" Every word was a gasp for air as I pleaded through horny eyes.

.

My wet legs wrapped around Rin's waist tightly as my arms clung to his neck. He carried me up the stairs as I rested my head by his ear, breathing unevenly and densely into it. I knew he could feel my boner pressed against his stomach, and I hoped he was enjoying it that way. I moaned when he threw me onto his bed, collapsing on top of me until I was merely putty in his hands. _Rin is on top of me…_ It finally hit me. _Rin is kissing me…Rin is touching me..._

"A-ahh, f-fuck…!" I moaned, my back arching as I grabbed onto the sheets. Rin's tongue started doing tricks with my penis as I tried to keep myself from cumming too early. It wasn't long before he took it at full into his mouth and left me to die in my excitement. I couldn't, oh _gahh_, I couldn't. I was already screaming as he bobbed, teasing my nipples with his index finger and thumb, faster. Harder. I nearly ripped holes in his sheets due to my claws. My legs spread wider for him as I let out a scream. It felt _so good._ I'd never been touched like this before, it was new, nothing like masturbating at all. It was much, _much_ better than masturbating. I exploded, crying out in uncontrollable gasps as my body fell limp to the mattress. Rin swallowed what had exited me, licking up the aftermath with a pleasurable groan as I closed my eyes and caught my breath.

I wasn't done yet, not until Rin had felt the same pleasure I did. I wish I'd knew how to do the things he did with his hands and mouth. I wish I could return the sensation as much as he gave it to me.

"Rin...please, cum inside me...please...I want to feel you inside me, _so_ badly right now…" My trembling hands reached for his chest as my breathing remained unstable. I couldn't read the look on his face now, but every look on Rin's face had my body crying _fuck me_, no matter what it was in this situation. However, this one had been slightly off.

"No…" It stung me. It left my body off ease as I lied there panting back my posture with widened eyes. Before I could really react, Rin had rolled off of me and sat on the edge of the bed. He ran his hands up his face and through his hair as his focus went to his feet, the way it had at the park earlier. I was quick to pull myself together again and retrieve my swim trunks (still not comfortable with being completely naked once my mind started to come back to reality), pulling them on me quickly and crawling over to Rin at the side of the bed.

"N-no…? But...why…what happened…?" _Oh no, I came on too strong, didn't I? I was asking for too much, wasn't I?_ I couldn't help it...Rin drove me absolutely insane. I placed a hand on his arm and stared, but just as soon as I did so, he had nudged it off. Now I was scared.

"R-Rin..? What did I do?!"

"You're just another fan, aren't you?" he suddenly hissed at me, and I retreated.

"Fan? What-n-no! I didn't even know who you were before that night…" There was no use in explaining, though, because he stormed out of the room before I got the chance to go on any further. I wanted to chase after him, but my body wouldn't move. It wasn't until I heard a large crash and a rumbling sound traveling down the staircase that I jumped out of Rin's bed.

"Rin!" I exclaimed, running towards the direction of the noise. By the time I reach the staircase, Rin had been lying on his side at the bottom of it. By the way he lied there unmoving and the picture frame that had shattered to the floor, I could come to the assumption that he had fallen. Someone as graceful as Rin, a fallen angel at the bottom of the staircase. His eyes were opened, and I called his name as I ran down to him, throwing myself in the space next to him and holding on for dear life. He didn't look at me, he didn't say anything. He didn't move, nor push my hands away. He just lied there while I held him, but I did see a tear fall at the corner of his eye and stream down to his lip. I placed a hand on his cheek and removed his hair gently from his face, taking the tear with me in the process.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, because a whisper was all I could get out when I watched Rin look close to crumbling. That blank stare in his eyes drove me insane; it hurt me severely, and I hadn't even known what exactly was upsetting him, but I tried my best at comforting. Surely, there was more to the story than just me. Surely, I wasn't the only reason for this. I stroked his hair gently once another silent tear escaped his eye, hands still slightly trembling on his skin.

"Rin...I-I...I.." _Dammit. _"I love you… Y-you caught my interest the moment I laid eyes on you, b-but I didn't fall in love with you until the day you first held me in your arms... I promise, there is no other celebrities, or anyone else, that has ever made me feel the way you make me feel, a-and, I don't even like celebrities! So you-" Thank God he shut me up. My hold on him grew tighter once I felt those sweet, caring, passionate lips back on mine, and there I was again, melting under his charm.

.

.

I didn't want to go back home. I wanted to stay at Rin's house, with Rin. Forever. I wanted to cry once I stepped out of his car and back into the park where I had left mine. _Tell me to stay with you, please? Tell me to spend the night holding you. Tell me you don't want me to leave. Just kidnap me, I beg you. Don't let me walk away like this… Kiss me one last time, just for tonight._ I walked slowly to my car.

"Haru," he called, but I had already turned around by the sound of the "H." He stepped out of his car and I felt my heart rate increase by a mile once more. I reminded myself to breathe as he approached me, wrapping his arms around me in the darkened park and leaving one last kiss on my lips. _Don't let me go,_ I thought. _Never let me go. Stay with me, just like this_. I felt a tear run down my cheek. I was so happy. I was more than happy. _I love you, Rin,_ I clung to him, _so much_. He let go too quickly, walking back to his car without turning around to look back at me. I watched until the car door closed behind him, and he pulled off soon after.

I cried when I got home. I just lied on my bed hugging my pillow, crying and laughing. Here it was, almost 5am, and I couldn't believe the day I had. Everything hit me at once. Rin...Rin…_Rin_… My word, I could say his name all day. I laughed, wiping away a tear at the same time. Why was I crying so much? Why was I having such a mix of emotions? I didn't know how to react; everything was just too much for me. All I knew was that I was happy beyond compare. All I knew was that I loved Rin, and I wanted to spend every waking moment wrapped in my arms.

* * *

**_Yay. Got a little caught up in the _**_kimochi_**_..*deep seme voice* Just wait till Makoto hears about this one, eh? I guess this chapter clears up anyone's confusions on whether this is mainly a RinHaru or MakoHaru fic, teehee. Thank you for your lovely feedback on the story, my darlings. It brings me great joy and encourages me to keep writing! I'm having fun with this.. *perverted grin*_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

_You're just another fan._

It's hard to focus on a book when you've got so many other things floating around your mind. Part of me smiled whenever I thought about Rin, that same part was over-joyed by the mere thought of him now that I had been somewhat intimate with him. Now that I had kissed him… The other half of me, however, feared what we had become. What was I to Rin now that we'd kissed? What were his feelings for me now that we've touched places on each others bodies we never would touch had we'd just been acquaintances? Was I still just his student? Had he done this to many of his students? I didn't want to think about Rin touching anyone else but me.

But, he'd said I caught his attention on stage that night. Surely, that meant something, right? _Another fan._ Well, if I was just _another fan,_ then who had been the first? And why would he be so upset if I was just another one? Surely, the first fan was special enough to him to make him that upset. Surely, he had feelings for said _fan_ if he was worried about being hurt by another one. So, that must have meant he had feelings for me too, right? It had to. It couldn't have just been a one-night-stand type thing, because he called me to come with him to the park originally. _He loves me, he loves me not...I think he may love me…_

I wished Rin would have went all the way with me, but I guess I understand why he felt he couldn't… I hadn't even noticed I was pouring my lemonade to the side of the glass until my cell phone rang.

"Shit!" I called out as I ran to get a towel to wipe the juicy puddle off my phone. It was sticky, but Rin was calling, so I couldn't worry about it too much. ._..Shit...Rin was calling… _It sort of just hit me after a moment.

"H-h-hello…" I think I was more nervous than ever to talk to him after last night's events.

"Haru, it's Rin." _Baby I know. You don't have to say that each time._ It's cute, though. "Come down to the Iwatobi Dance Studio today so we can practice your next lesson." Lesson…? Oh right, he'd been teaching me how to dance. I'd gotten so caught up in falling in love with him, I'd almost forgotten the whole reason I was even associated with him.

"O-okay, I'll be - wait, directions! I need directions this time."

"Two lefts, a right, and then another left." My Rin was good with directions.

"Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can…!"

"I'll wait for you as long as I can." Even after he hung up, I continued to hold the sticky phone up to my ear, letting out a longing sigh at his last words; I loved those words. _I'll wait for you as long as I can…_ It was like something out of a romance novel, though I'm sure Rin didn't mean it the way I'd taken it.

I smiled for most of the car ride, thinking about seeing Rin again of course, knowing that I'd be seeing him any minute now. Perhaps when he saw me, he'd take me in his arms again like the way he had done last night. Or maybe he'd pick me up, spin me around a couple times and kiss me… _Yeah, I've definitely been reading too many romance novels._ I had to laugh at myself for that one, unconsciously pulling out my phone at a rather long traffic light. I hadn't even noticed the text message icon on the side of the screen when I'd been on the phone with Rin; too occupied with talking and cleaning up the stain. It was from Makoto.

_"Hey Haru, I just wanted to say goodnight, and tell you that I really care about you and hope you're feeling okay...and how happy I am to have you as a friend. I'm sorry for coming on so strong. I hope I didn't make you think anything bad of me… You're probably sleeping, but I was just thinking about you. Well, sleep tight, my little dork."_

_Gosh Makoto, why do you have to make me feel even worse for lying to you?_ I placed the phone onto my lap once the light was green again, and now my thoughts were being haunted by Makoto's stupid little smile. I liked Makoto, I did. He was caring, kind, protective, and the first real friend I'd ever had. But if this was how I treated my friends, then it was no wonder I never had any. I kind of wanted to call him, let him know that I wasn't mad at him for what he tried to do with me the other night, but, had I'd done so, he might have asked me if I was busy… And I just couldn't get myself to tell him about Rin. Not now at least, not yet.

I parked my car at a meter since there didn't seem to be a parking lot around, so it was a good thing it was free parking today, because I was broke as a joke at the moment. I still hadn't found a job, nor even tried looking for one, because looking for jobs is tiresome and it makes you feel even worse about yourself when you're constantly getting rejected due to lack of experience, or for being too quiet, or for just being you. You'd think that looking for a job would make you feel better about yourself; more accomplished for that matter. Nope. It makes you feel even more like a deadbeat up until the second the manager officially shakes your hand and announces to you, _Congratulations, you got the job._ Plus, I still didn't know my way around the place that well. I'd say maybe a month or so before I start fitting into it properly.

The dance studio was large, but not as colossal as I'd expected. In all honesty, I don't really know what I expected. I guess since Rin's rich, I kind of expected the walls to be made out of gold or something, but that's just the fantasy fiction talking, really. The door was unlocked, so I assumed that Rin was already inside. I guess there wouldn't be anyone at the front desk considering the fact that this had been a seasonal dance studio Rin owned, and it had been an off-season that I'd walked in for lessons. But even so, as I approached the large doors labeled _main dance room_, I could have sworn I heard the laughter of someone other than Rin. A female to be exact. At first I thought I was hearing things, but my entire body froze when my hallucinations were deemed true once I heard it again. However, this time, not only did I hear a female, but a male laughing in synchronization as well. On the article I'd read the day after the night I went to the club, I remembered it mentioning something about Rin being bisexual, so to hear a female giggling like a flirt behind the doors where I'd imagine Rin was also, I could do nothing but panic. That was, until I realized that Rin's voice didn't match the one that had been laughing.

I guess sneaking and eavesdropping was another thing I was terrible at, because as soon as I leaned into the door a bit more to broaden my hearing range, the door decided it wanted to open for me, and with that, I became a heap of shame on the floor. There were three heads in the room, and each of them turned around abruptly once they witnessed the sound of my body hitting the floor.

"Haru," Rin called calmly, as if this was normally how I entered a room, which, could be argued I guess. I postured myself quickly, fixing my clothes on right once I was to my feet again and waving dumbly at the room.

"H-hi…" I had to blink at least eight times before I realized I wasn't hallucinating; I felt completely out of theme when I registered the three redheads in the room. I almost looked around for the initiation _Red Dye Ceremony_ posters for the studio. There was a girl sitting on top of a boy's lap on a beanbag chair, they waved back friendly, greeting me as _Haru,_ and I could only guess that Rin had been talking about me to them beforehand, which made me kind of happy. I was about to smile back, until, I took a good look at the boy installed below the girl.

"Haru, Haru, Haru. I'd like you to meet my teacher, Mikoshiba Seijuurou. He taught me everything I know. And that thing on top of him is my sister, Matsuoka Gou. They were just about to leave, so you came at the right time. Guys, Haru. I'll be teaching him erotic dancing." Rin pointed a thumb at me when he said my name.

"Hey, did you call me a thing?!" The redhead he claimed to be his sister shouted. She looked a lot like him, and it was almost scary. Rin didn't seem to acknowledge her question, however, because his eyes now watched mine carefully once I started staring at his teacher. _Oh gosh_, this was even more awkward in person than when Makoto had told me about it. I was standing in a room with both the guy I am in love with and the guy I use to have a pretty big crush on…

"Haru...are, you okay?" Rin asked once my staring had gone on for too long. Seijuurou hadn't even noticed until Rin said something. He looked back at me and started to stare for himself.

"Hey, wait...don't I know you from somewhere? You look kind of familiar…. Do you work at CVS?" _Ouch_, okay I admit, that stung a little.

"Uh, no…"

"Huh, I know this guy…" Everyone seemed to be waiting for him to remember, an awkward silence filing the room as he observed me carefully. It sort of hurt; knowing that I'd spent a lot of hours with this guy on my mind at one point in my life. Not that it mattered anymore, though. My feelings for him were pretty much non-existent by now anyway. Especially with Rin standing so close by, how could I even think about anyone else? However, Seijuurou did look a lot older... And he grew up to be a very handsome...no. Nope. _Stop it, Haruka._

"Wait! Don't tell me." No one had spoken, and it was most likely I was the only one who knew though he pointed to Gou when he said it. "...You didn't go to my school, did you?"

"I did."

"Get out! No way… Don't tell me. Middle school, right? Haruka! Yes, you're the one all the substitutes had mistaken for a girl. Nabane, right?"

"Nanase."

"Wow, so you guys know each other?" My eyes immediately shifted to Rin. I couldn't quite read his expression, but his tone of voice sounded a bit of a mixture between confusion and shock.

"Yeah, it made me pretty mad the way my friends use to treat him. He was just an innocent kid, you know? He didn't deserve to be picked on." My eyes immediately shifted back to Sei. "Plus, he had the cutest little crush on me." Sei smiled at me as if I would say, _Oh yeah, Sei was such a cutie back then, hahaha_. By then my face was probably twins with his hair. Why, why would he mention that? And in front of Rin… How the hell did he even know that?! Was it really that obvious…?

"I-I.." Rin's sister laughed before I could get in my two cents. _That's cute_, she had said, and I couldn't help but gaze over for Rin's reaction. By the way he nonchalantly fixed his watch made me feel as though I needed to defend myself quickly. "T-that was years ago!" I attempted to holler, but I hated being put on the spot like this, so all I managed was a quivering squeal. This, of course, only made the two lovebirds laugh even harder at my reddening composure.

"I know, I know. It's just cute is all," he wiped at an invisible tear. By now, Rin had walked away from the group and started fixing his iPod to his speaker, his back toward the commotion. "But anyway, we're going to get going. Nice seeing you again. You haven't change much, Haru. Good luck with practice, I'm sure Rin's a great teacher; he learned from the best! Isn't that right, Rin?" He laughed again, not waiting for Rin's response as he grabbed the waist of his girlfriend and headed for the door I'd fell through earlier. I don't know why, but having Seijuurou tell me that I hadn't changed much since the last time we've seen each other, well, it hurt...only a little, though. Mainly because I noticed a huge change as soon as I saw him; looks wise, muscular wise, girlfriend wise...and I couldn't help but think, _wow, my life must really suck._

It was far too quiet once the two jokers left the room, and I was starting to feel a bit awkward. Why wasn't Rin talking to me? Why wasn't he even looking at me? Had last night meant nothing at all to him…? Were we back to just being teacher and student? God, I hoped not… I opened my mouth about five times in an attempt to make conversation, but each time I'd coward back. I wanted Rin to talk to me first. I wanted him to acknowledge me. I already knew how I felt about Rin; it was his turn to show me how he felt in return.

"You like Seijuurou, huh?" I'd felt it coming long before it did, but I was hoping it wouldn't. I was hoping that thought had never even crossed his mind. It made me sick; having Rin ask me if I had feelings for someone other than him. I almost wanted to smack him across the face it was so offensive.

"No! NO! I don't," _I'm in love with you and only you, Rin. What don't you understand?_ "I was thirteen! I don't like him anymore, Rin…" There I was again, already at the brink of tears just thinking about my feelings for Rin. It had only been a simple question, but nothing was just a simple question when it interfered with the way I felt about him. Plus, I was fragile; too weak too be in love. I realized that being in love was a lot of work; it really messed with your schedule and your daily thoughts and emotions. Ever since I fell in love with him, all I could do was think about how much I wanted to spend my entire day wrapped in his arms, or something like that. You know, the way they do in novels.

He didn't answer. As a matter of fact, there was another silence that fell over the room, and it felt as though he was becoming more and more distant as the seconds went by. Like he was disappearing into a fog minute by minute. I didn't like the feeling of Rin becoming distant; it made me feel uncomfortable, desperate, longing. I wanted to make conversation, but it was always just so hard to find a topic. When were we just going to start practicing already? Why was it taking him so long to find a song? By the clicking sound that came through the speaker, I'd assume he was just scrolling back and forth on that thing.

"Have you practiced?" The clicking suddenly stopped. It was as if he'd read my thoughts, and I tensed up a bit at his sudden tone.

"A little…" I couldn't lie to Rin, I really hadn't been practicing as often as I should have been. But can you really blame me when my teacher is quite the distraction?

"Why haven't you been practicing?" I didn't know what to make of his tone. He'd never really seemed angered before, but something about the way he was speaking to me then made my heart race a bit more diligently, and not in the good way. He got up, throwing a towel he had picked off the bench over his shoulder and glaring at me for a second. Why was he acting like that all of a sudden? Why was he acting like he couldn't stand my presence, or that I was some sort of annoyance? I didn't like it at all. I wanted it to stop. _You kissed me the other night! You touched me...why are you being so distant from me?!_

"I'm sorry, I've actually been doing stuff lately...I'll practice mo-" I was convinced that Rin was a mind-reader now, because before I could finish my whiny sentence, his lips had crashed against mine as he entwined our fingers up against the mirrored wall. I closed my eyes under their touch, already falling for his spell once again and getting caught up in the movements of his tongue. But it ended too quickly. My lips quivered once they parted from Rin's, yearning for one more taste. But instead of a taste, I got a discomforting look from Rin's eyes to mine. He looked confused, offended. Almost heartbroken… It threw me off balance. Had I done the wrong thing with my tongue? I couldn't move my wrists due to Rin's grasp on them becoming firmer as he pinned me to the mirror. I was starting to feel a numbness in my blood circulation. Was he doing it unconsciously? Because he was kind of starting to scare me…

"R-Rin...Your..squeezing, hard…" I struggled.

"Why the fuck do you like me?" His voice was unmistakably cold this time, I could have sworn someone had opened up a freezer door in the room. My eyes widened in confusion; he had been kissing me a few seconds ago…Now he was, cursing at me…? I'd never seen this side of Rin, and it made me feel less for being the one to bring it out. "I said, why the _fuck_ do you like me?" I had taken too long to respond; so caught up in confusion and fear.

"I...Because, I-I do..I-"

"Is that it? Because you just _do_?" I'd never seen that look in his eyes. I'd never heard that voice. This wasn't Rin… Rin didn't yell at me like this… Rin didn't make me feel fear. No, Rin saved me from all of that. Then again, who really was Rin? I hadn't know much more than what I knew just by being around him, or from what I had read about him. I had fallen in love with the Rin he had shown me.

"Rin…"

"No, shut up! You don't like me…" Rin's grasp became cramping, but a lot more shaken once he dropped his gaze from mine. "You like my body. You like my money. Stop fooling yourself into thinking you like me more than for what I have when you don't."

"Rin, that's not true!" I was dreaming... This wasn't real, it couldn't have been real...

"I said shut up!" I had no choice but to listen once my neck was being firmly grasped up against the mirror. By the look in his eyes and the position of his hand, I could officially say that I felt scared of Rin in that moment. But, only in that moment. Only because I was shocked by his sudden action. What made me know I was still safe was the look in his eye. He appeared furious, enraged, but he also seemed to be broken, desperate, falling apart. He was beyond the brink of tears, though he tried so hard to hold it back. I gasped when I witnessed even a single tear stroke escape his eye, and I couldn't help but feel _his_ pain rather than my own. I didn't want to see Rin cry. Lord, I didn't want to see Rin ever cry.

"I don't know who you think you are, but you've been fucking with my brain ever since I met you. I'm already fucked up, and I don't need you toying with my feelings… You're just trying to get me to fall in love with you, huh? Right? You better stop it right fucking now, because it's working... What is it you want, huh? A shoutout? Want me to promote your band at one of my shows? Maybe have sex with me to become famous? What is it you want, Haru? You don't strike me as the dancer type, so I know this whole _I want to be a dancer_ thing is just a scam. Give it up already and tell me what the_ fuck_ you want."

My jaw had completely dropped. I didn't know what to feel...what to say… What made Rin think so strongly that I was trying to get close to him for fame? Didn't he know that I was the farthest thing from an extrovert imaginable?! His fame would be the last thing I wanted from him. I feared attention, especially judgement.

"I want you!" I couldn't think; my emotions were going everywhere after witnessing those cutting words in my heart. To even _think_ Rin would _think_ that was the reason I wanted to be around him…

"No you don't! You're just a fan, you're starstruck! Don't you get it? I'm not falling for it anymore!" At this point, his hands were on my shoulders and he was shaking me harshly, face already dampening from the few tears that escaped in the process. "You're trying to mold me until I become soft like putty in your hands, so you can make what you want with me, then leave me to harden and dry out once you're satisfied with your creation and manipulation!" Rin was obviously crying now, and I couldn't take it anymore. Everything. Everything was too much for me.

"Stop yelling at me!" I screamed. I screamed it louder than I'd wanted to. But I couldn't take it, I didn't know what else to say to make it all go away. Having Rin yell at me hurt, it destroyed me. I sunk to the floor with my hands grabbed firmly to my hair. I might have looked crazy, but I really didn't care. Once I reached the floor, I cried. I cried for a good while before I could get anything out properly.

"I'm not starstruck! I fucking hate everything that revolves around famous people! I don't give a _fuck_ who you are to everyone else. I don't give a _fuck_ who people know you as, and I sure as hell don't give a _single_ fuck about your damn money. I don't give a damn if you're really a hobo on the streets! I didn't even know who the hell you were, so how the fuck could I be your fan? I was never your damn fan, Rin! I was never your fan until you made me your number one fan by stealing my heart away… I fell in love with you, Rin. _You_. Not your money, not your fame. YOU. How many times do I have to tell you that before you believe me…? It fucking _kills_ me when you deny my love for you… Last night...last night was just, incredible, amazing. And it wouldn't have been amazing with just any celebrity with a nice body and money. It was amazing because I am in_ love_ with _you_. Your passion, your soul, your heart, your words, your voice, your smile. Everything. Alright?!"

This had been the first time I had snapped ever I think. I also believe that this had to have been the first time I hadn't stuttered or jumbled up my words in front of Rin. I was surprised I'd even had that in me. It sort of made me wish I'd brought something like that out back when I was in middle school. But I couldn't have Rin pushing me away like this over some false assumption he had over me. Somewhere in those assumptions, he'd said he was falling for me, and I was not willing to give into his argument over my own timidness, not when I was that much closer to reaching Rin. I wiped harshly at my tears once my heated speech was complete, and I could feel my wave of shyness crash back over me once I'd come back to down to my normal state of mind. I forced myself to look away from Rin's eyes. He was quiet for a while, and I left him that way, wanting him to be the one to break the silence once again, because it was his turn to talk.

When the silence went on for too long, however, I had to force myself to look back up at him, but right as I did so, his knees hit the floor in front of me. His eyes were redder than usual where it was suppose to be white, and now his expression was unmistakably broken, and I caught myself staring once they met mine.

"I don't want to be hurt again, Haru...please, don't hurt me…" _Ouch._ His voice, the devastation… I'd never heard Rin's voice sound so desperate, so pleading. So, _sad_. It stung me, made me shiver. Now I knew why Makoto had been crying for me that time. Now I knew what it meant to feel someone else's emotions so intensely, so sharply that it made you want to die for them. _Don't cry, my angel. Please, don't cry._ I took him into my arms as if a force has driven me to do so, and I didn't let him go, not for anything.

"I would never intentionally hurt you… I've never been in love before, but, I-I know it's love, because I can't stop thinking about you. Everything reminds me of you. I see you in everything I do." I ran my fingers gently through his hair and held him close, to where he then placed his own through mine and looked into my eyes, leaving me to fall in love with him all over again.

"I don't want to have feelings for you, Haru. I don't want to have feelings for anyone anymore. But you've been fucking with my mind a lot lately. Now whenever I dance, I can't help but think about that dorky little grin of yours...and it's killing me. Because I love that dorky grin of yours, Haru. And I love the way your name sounds when I say it. And I love how emotional you are. And I hate myself for falling for anyone again, but…"

I was in heaven. I was in heaven and no one could tell me otherwise. I believe this was the best his lips had ever tasted, now that I knew they had meaning. Now that I knew he felt for me half the way I felt for him. I say half because nothing could compare to my love for him, not even if he'd told me he loved me back. I'd still win. My hand trembled for his shirt, tugging at it to keep my posture upright. It was amazing how in sync his body was; even his tongue knew how to dance.

.

.

"Since I figure you don't have a pole in your home, you're welcomed to use the studio whenever you'd like. I'll give you a key before you leave. Feel special; I don't give keys for my studio to anyone." _I do, Rin. Believe me I do._ For this practice, Rin was going to honor me with a lesson on pole dancing….dear Lord. He had become my teacher again as he demanded me to click _play_ on his iPod once he set himself up on the pole. I wasn't sure I was mentally prepared for the show he had in store for me. Didn't know if my body was ready for what sexual acts were about to be thrown my way. I sat down on the bench with the remote to the speakers in my hand and did as he asked.

_Blew me away_ would be quite the understatement. Try, _if I had ovaries, I'd be dead_. I guess I should have known Rin knew how to work the pole, I mean, he knew how to work a cup, so… _Damn. Damn, damn...damn_. I almost bowed down when he finished. I wanted to grab his ass when he walked past me to grab his water bottle, but ha, me? Grabbing someone's ass? Maybe Makoto, not me, though. But _man_, was it tempting.

"Your turn." _Gee, I should have known._

"Oh no…" I got up tiredly, sighing dramatically before dragging my feet at snails pace to the pole. I guess I'd been going too slow, because I felt hands caressing my waist soon after, pushing me to go faster.

"You want to be a dancer? Then you must dance." He placed my hands on the pole and positioned me on it the way he had positioned himself before the demonstration. The way he grabbed onto my hips made me cringe. His hands always felt like a tease whenever they were placed anywhere on my body; it only made me want more of him. It only made me want him to touch me more, everywhere, any way he desired. I placed my hands on his, just because I wanted to, and he gave my hips a firm squeeze.

"You're stiff here." He massaged my hipbones gentle, and I had to bite my lip at the feeling. "Go stretch it out."

"Okay.." I said, secretly not wanting him to let go of me. I did as I was told, sitting on the floor and stretching out for a bit. I kept looking over at him, however. There was something that had been bothering him ever since our argument, ever since we broke-down together and confessed our feelings to one another. There was something missing in his usual slightly confused expression. It was there, but there was something empty about the way he held his eyes. I studied him as I stretched, but I guess I was staring a little too intensely, because he felt my eyes and turned to meet them. I tried to play it off, but before I knew it, he had sat himself right next to me, causing me to blush a deep pink.

"I don't know what it is. I thought my type would be the graceful, poetic, sexy type. But I ended up falling for the complete opposite." Rin smirked slightly.

"H-hey, I'm poetic…"

"I-I-I'm s-sure you are…" _Well then, I had never._ I crossed my arms at his mockery, but I couldn't stay mad at him, especially not after that cute little chuckle of his; I looked forward to hearing it again. "Just kidding. Actually, I think you're perfect."

My eyes widened when he kissed me, not because he kissed me, but because he'd just called me _perfect_. Now I was the one starting to believe that someone was paying him to like me. No one had ever called me _perfect_ before, because I wasn't worthy of being called perfect. I had to have been the farthest thing from perfect, but, I almost felt perfect when Rin said it..

I closed my eyes once his lips started dancing with more passion. My hands grazed his back as he laid me down, his body hovering slightly over mine. I felt Rin's hand so intensely as it rode down the length of my body, feeling its way onto the front of my pants. I felt myself tighten up as his fingers drew on top of my crotch, moaning once they found their way through my zipper. He started stroking me, hand riding underneath my underwear as I let out a fitting moan in response, volume intensifying as the sensation increased.

"_Gah_, Haru. Your moans are so sexy, especially when they become loud. You sound like a damsel in distress." Was he hinting that I sounded like a girl when I moaned…? Either way, as long as they were pleasing to Rin's ears, I was happy. As long as there was something about me he found sexy, I was on cloud nine. I blushed as he continued, tilting my head back as his hands worked harder to please me. _Yes_...I screamed internally. _Oh, gahh..yes._

Though the sensation was beyond me and the feeling was uncontainable, I couldn't help but noticed right away that emptiness whenever I looked into Rin's eyes. It made it hard to enjoy myself as much as I wanted to, knowing that something was plaguing Rin's mind. Suddenly, I was seeing his hand around my neck again. Suddenly, I was thinking about the way he had yelled at me. _You're just another fan_, he'd said. Now, he was near fucking me, already readying my boner for whatever it was he wanted to do with it. What happened then? What was it that had him so upset? _Another fan…_

"Rin…" I breathed the words under his hold. "Please, tell me what's wrong." He'd stopped quicker than I'd intended, looking up at me from the lower half of my body. I shivered a bit at how seductive his eyes appeared, looking up at me from down there, but it was only a matter of seconds after the fact that he pushed himself slowly off of me. I sat up in response, staring from left to right in those eyes. "It hurts me to know that something is bothering you… What happened? Who was the fan that hurt you so much?" I didn't rush him, because I knew just how hard it must have been for me to bring it up, let alone have him relive it by telling me. He spent a lot of time at my feet, playing unconsciously with my big toe, and I waited. Waited until I heard that significant sigh that broke into all the boundaries he had put up, until he finally felt he was willing to give in.

"There was this kid. He use to stalk me, claimed he was in love with me. He was_ so_ obnoxious, constantly following me around day after day once he found out where I lived. I was forever telling him to leave me alone, but by the one hundredth time, he finally broke down into tears right in front of me. I didn't like seeing him cry; tears were always something that got to me. He claimed once again that he was in love with me, clinging onto my leg like a child as I sighed at his plead. I was weak, so I let him come over. I thought, _maybe I'd make him feel better if I let him come over. Maybe he'd shut up and leave me alone if I hung out with him._ He asked too many questions. He was nosy, annoying, clingy, and just plain dorky. And I fell in love with him." Rin laughed painfully; quietly, shaking his head in the process. His eyes watered for just a second, but he got over it quickly. It stung to hear Rin say he had fell in love with someone else. It hurt a bit to know that I wasn't his first love, but I was willing to hear the rest of the story.

"He was graceful, passionate, and very kind. Pretty soon, I was the one calling him over. We had fun together, dated for quite some time. Until I found out he was just using me." He paused again, this time shaking his head out of anger. "He had a band called Ignite. They were just a local band. Only people in the area, who went to the coffee shop on Friday's at 7pm, knew who they were really. He talked about his band a lot, about how he wanted to become a global rockstar making billions off his music. He'd always make statements like, _I want to be as famous as you one day, Rin._ His band was good; heard them play at the coffee shop a couple times. Once our relationship went public, he had gotten the publicity he needed. There was never a picture of me walking down the street where he wasn't standing somewhere next to me, because whenever paparazzi came around, he clung to me like a suction cup. He loved paparazzi, because paparazzi meant more publicity, and more publicity meant more band rep. They interviewed us both, and somehow he'd always find a way to slip his band name in there somewhere." Rin was now drawing circles with his fingers on the tips of my toes, over and over again. It was a good thing I wasn't too ticklish there. I allowed it, since I knew he was doing it as an unconscious sort of stress reliever.

"He begged me to let them play one of his songs as my walk-in intro at one of my live shows one day, asking me to explain to the audience that the song they had just heard was _my boyfriend's band_. And I did it, because I loved him… By about a month, his band had already gone global…" Rin finally realized that he'd been stroking my toes, clenching his fist at the story he was telling as he continued on, and I sat quietly, taking in every word. Though the story was unfortunate, I loved to hear Rin talk more than two sentences to me.

"...But it wasn't enough for him. He wanted more; more fame. He wanted to be even more famous… So he made a sex-tape." He placed his face in his hands for a second to calm himself down, rolling the fingers that had just messed with my toes down his face, and I attempted to rub his leg in comfort. "...One night, he came home to me… I was in bed, but I was awake, just waiting for him to come home to me… He walks in with this seductive grin on his face and starts stripping down in front of me. I watched, already feeling aroused, because his body was beautiful. He had the perfect, thin figure, and it sort of reminded me of a woman by how defined his hips were. Which made it more pleasing, because he was a man with a figure like that... It was like he was putting on a show for me. I loved it. He wore women lingerie panties. He crawled on top of me, and gave me the greatest sex I had ever experienced. The next morning, I woke up, he was gone. I tried calling his cellphone; didn't answer. I worried. He was famous now, he was in a global band, so I thought to turn on the TV and see if there was anything new on one of those stations where they gossiped all day about celebrities. Watched it until I saw my boyfriend on the screen. The title read; _Matsuoka Rin and Aiichiro Nitori Release Sex-Tape._ At first I thought I read it wrong. First I thought it was just a rumor, because I hadn't made a sex-tape. But then I saw the interview. There Nitori was at the mic, my _fucking_ ex at the mic, claiming that _I_ was the one who released the sex-tape...that _I_ was the one who made it, and my heart just…-" A tear ran down his cheek, but this time, he had been so caught up in the story that I think he'd forgotten I was still listening. I attempted to reach over to wipe it when he startled me.

"I was furious! How dare he lie on me like that. Did he even consider the reputation I already had from some people for being a sex-symbol? Now he claims that I forced a sex-tape on him when he was the one filming us being intimate without my consent? Of course they believed him. Of course they'd believe that the _innocent band member_ was being filmed secretively while sexually active with his sex-obsessed boyfriend!" Rin looked for something to throw, but eventually sorrow had overcome anger and his shoulders untensed once more.

"I came home one day, and all his stuff was gone. He left the key with a note that read, _Thanks for helping the band and me. Sorry I had to do it this way._ I ripped it. I destroyed that piece of _shit_…. Tore it to pieces, along with some furniture. I cried, didn't leave my house. I destroyed myself in the process. I had already been having a hard time liking myself. I thought he would be the one to take my mind off of those thoughts. Little did I know, he'd be making the hole a lot bigger than it needed to be. Almost too big to be reconstructed."

"Rin.." I didn't like to hear him say things like that. I wanted to be the one to reconstruct the hole in his heart.

"I loved him. I thought he loved me too. He was just a fan. Just a fan with a dream to have sex with his idol, get him to fall in love with him, then use him for his own promotion." Rin broke the barriers between being_ on edge_ and _not okay_, finally letting all his bottled up emotions come pouring out on me. I held him with care, because even though it hadn't been me that was his first love, even though he was crying over the love he had for someone else, I couldn't help but take him in my arms, because _gah_, did it hurt to see him cry… It hit me; the pain of the ones you love in pain. I'd never really been through it before, but it was a terrible feeling.

"I'm so sorry…" I couldn't think of any better comforting words, I just rubbed his back softly and held him close. He took in a sniffle and pulled away after a minute.

"No, don't be sorry. I was stupid to even believe. I shouldn't even be crying over that right now. He doesn't deserve my tears… Well, now you know a little more about me. It's hard for me to put my full trust in anybody, or even have feelings at all… But, then you came along. I thought I wasn't capable of loving anymore. I thought that would be the last time I ever tried with anyone. But I guess I am capable of loving again, because I think this feeling I have for you, the one that's been keeping me up at night, is love…" Though I was sitting, I still felt my knees go weak under those words. I felt my heart skip a billion beats under that confession, and I near fainted in my own contentment. I grabbed him closer and eyed him deeply, and I don't think my face had ever looked more serious.

"I swear, Rin. I'd never do anything to hurt you on purpose.. I say _on purpose_ because I know I fuck things up a lot, but if I did it would be on accident, so please don't think I'd hurt you. I'll try not to fuck things up, promise, I love you, a-and I want you to be happy...with me. And all the time, and…" I stopped, because the way he had been looking at me had taken away every last bit of air in my lungs. He didn't have to ask me to shut up; all he had to do was gaze at me with those haunting, ruby eyes, and I was already hypnotized.

* * *

**_I know, I know, I'm sorry! I don't ship Rin x Nitori either, but I had to! It just made the story more fanfic-ish, I guess? Since this is a Free! fanfic.. I mean, I'm not even a super-huge-mega MakoHaru shipper either, but you know, story. Amarite? RINHARU 6EVER. Thank you so dearly for reading and complementing the story, when I say it means a lot, it really does. Your words are my happiness. ;u;_**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

I'd been hiding my relationship with Rin from Makoto for about two months now, and it was really starting to eat at my conscience. The more I snuck around hanging out with Rin, the more awkward I felt for keeping such a crucial secret from my best friend. But, it never felt like the right time to tell him. No matter how many times I'd opened my mouth to just let it out at those quiet moments where neither you nor the other person had a topic to talk about, but I just couldn't get myself to form the words. Not yet.

Besides, it wasn't like Rin and I had made it official yet anyway. He hadn't actually asked me to be his boyfriend or anything. However, by the way we make-out every time we're with in touching distance of each other, and the way we fuck like there's no tomorrow, I'd definitely say we were officially lovers at least. Of course, I still felt like there was a lot I didn't know about Rin, and with him being such a closed book on certain subjects, I was sort of afraid when it came to asking him personal questions.

Aside from all that, Rin had taught me a lot in the past two months of practice. By then, I could actually say that I did feel a whole lot sexier since our first one. I could also say that Rin was an excellent teacher. I guess the only complaint I would have toward his teaching skills was that he was _too_ good at being a teacher. Sometimes I just wanted him to be my lover during practices and just pull me away from _position_ for a moment and kiss me until I gasped to breathe again. Despite his appearance, though he was a sex-master in bed, he was very focused and serious when it came to dance. He wanted me to learn, he pushed me to learn. Sometimes he'd wake me up at 4am while I'm lying naked in his bed and ask me to perform the _third number_ we had practiced the day before. Yeah, he was a serious dancer; a passionate dancer. And I loved that about him, really.

.

.

"Ha! That's another strike on my board. Gosh, you suck at this, Haru." Makoto placed a bowling ball in my hand and I near collapsed to the floor. Sure, it was way heavier than the one I had been playing with, but it was the fact that I had been sort of zoned out until just then, thinking about Rin again, that was. I blinked myself back to the bowling alley once I saw Makoto's beaming expression awaiting my focus. "Quit daydreaming and get your ass out there." Hadn't I mentioned something about Makoto probably being the one to slap someone's ass? Yep.

"You can do it this time, Haru. Last shot, make it count!" Nagisa cheered me on from Rei's lap as I shuffled my way slowly up to where the bowling lane-thing begun. At this point, there was really no need to cheer me on when it had been blatantly obvious that I wouldn't be hitting any sort of pin on the other side of that lane. I absolutely sucked, but I guess it was nice to know at least Nagisa pretended he believed in me. I let out a sigh as I readied the ball. Clearly, you're doing something wrong when everyone around you seems to be doing some sort of crossing of their legs and running up to the lane thing, while there you are standing directly in front of the lane using two hands to hold the ball like a child. But what sense did I have, right? I thought, _maybe it'll go in this time._ Go in where exactly, Haru? The gutter? Because if that's what you're talking about then yes, it did go in the gutter, along with all the other balls you near broke and the rest of your bowling career. Not that I had a bowling career, I just felt like being dramatic.

Rei did the honors of getting up and congratulating me on my effort; "You absolutely suck," he patted my back.

"Hey..." I said, but I really didn't have anything to say after that; he spoke only the truth.

"He did alright for his first time." Makoto stole me away from Rei, grabbing me to his chest and ruffling my hair with that dorky little giggle of his. "Welp, that was fun. Looks like Nagisa won again." Nagisa beamed brightly at Makoto as Rei hugged his boyfriend from behind in reward.

"I'm just so awesome!" Nagisa giggled, raising a fist of achievement in the air.

"Yeah. I mean, when don't you win? It's almost as if the game is always being rigged or something." Makoto's eyes shifted into Rei's, quickly shifting away once he gazed upon that warning glare he received in return.

Since Makoto and I had met Rei and Nagisa at the bowling alley, we said our goodbye's to them there. However, once Makoto had me in his car again, he hadn't been willing to let me go just yet; I noticed this once we passed my apartment complex. He ended up taking me over to his house, which I didn't really mind; his house was a lot nicer than my apartment. Plus he had a lot of food which was cool. I liked food.

.

"I work later tonight," he said while tossing me a can of Pepsi. "But I'm not complaining; we got another live performance going on tonight, so I'm pretty pumped. You remember that guy, right? Matsuoka Rin; the one that danced the night we met at the club?" I would have believed that my clumsy behavior had finally started to fade away even in the slightly, that was, until Makoto had uttered that _name_ and caused me to release the hold I had on my soda can onto the kitchen floor. It was a good thing I hadn't opened it yet at least. But, it was just so..._weird_ hearing Makoto talk to me like I had forgotten about the man I'd been seeing for the past two months. It was also just so _weird_ when I realized just what a huge part of my life I'd hiding from my best friend. _Not yet_. I muddled out of my seat to retrieve my soda can, closing my eyes for just a second while my face was out of his view as to try and control my nerves before sitting back down again.

"Yeah…I remember," I said softly.

"Well he's performing again tonight! You liked him last time, right? Come with me!" Makoto reach across the table to grab for my sweatshirt sleeves, causing a turbulence in the soda can I had been lifting to my mouth and knocking a bit of Pepsi onto the space between my arms. I couldn't worry about that right now, though, because my body had already frozen up from his statement alone. This was bad. This was real bad. Makoto and Rin in the same place when I was keeping my relationship with Rin a secret from Makoto? This was_ real_ bad. Not only that, but Rin had told me that he'd be taking me to his show tonight. He was so exited to be able to have me backstage with him for a while and to show me how to sneak in without getting caught by paparazzi, since I had been so worried about that part. I couldn't just tell Rin that I'd be going with Makoto instead… But, I couldn't just tell Makoto that I'd be going with Rin instead either… _Oh gosh_, if there was ever an appropriate time to curse, it would be now. _Fuck!_

"Uh...I...I-I have something to do first!" _More words. Say more words, Haru._ "S-so I… I don't know if I'll make it… But, I'll try to come later if I can." I have to say, I was quite proud of myself for that one. That way, I could go with Rin, spend time with him for a bit, then surprise Makoto by saying, _hey, I was able to make it!_ or something. It all worked out so perfectly, I hoped. I would have patted myself on the back, but that would have made me look suspicious, said the boy with the cherry-red face.

"You're lying." _Why, Makoto. Why._ I tried to remain stable, because that was literally the best excuse I could have possibly came up with. I almost opened my mouth to defend myself until a splash of relieve fell over me once I heard that loud snort of his, followed by that loud fist-plant onto the table. "God, you are so cute. I can't." I really couldn't stand Makoto sometimes; he always insisted on putting me on edge when I desperately needed _not_ to be on edge. But I guess that's what I liked about him since I kept him around. I laughed painfully, only to keep the mood going as it was now, sipping nonchalantly on my soda as Makoto let out a loud burp in my face after his episode.

"Anyway, you better come later, heard me? I'll be looking for you. I know you want to see Rin's sexy ass twirling on that stage." Makoto did that weird eyebrow thing he had done last time he mentioned something about Rin, and I couldn't help but feel a slight knot well up in my stomach.

"Rotating," I said.

"What?"

"N-nothing. You said_ twirling_. Nothing." I sipped faster on my soda, sloping it a bit higher until I couldn't see Makoto's face past the can. There was a very awkward silence as Makoto tried to register just what I should had never even been on about.

"Okay…? _Rotating_, then. The hell's it matter? Whatever he's doing, I'd love to be doing it right in front of him, if you know what I mean." Again with the eyebrows. And why was I getting this sort of _angry_ feeling towards Makoto right now? Maybe it had to do with that fact that I did not like the way he was talking about Rin, not at all… It sort of made me, _jealous_? Though I don't know why; I was sure plenty of Rin's fans thought the same thing Makoto did. But, thinking about that didn't make me feel any better about the situation..

"I've always wondered what he'd look like completely naked, and on top of me." Makoto laughed-out, taking in another shot of his Pepsi. Okay, I was _definitely_ feeling jealous now. I _indeed_ did not like the sound of Makoto talking about Rin in that way. It made me...It made me want to punch him in his face! It made me want to cry for some reason as well. Kind of made me want to scream, _Oh yeah? Well I've already seen him completely naked and on top of me; every time he was fucking me in the ass and begging me to cum on him!_ I didn't say that stuff, though. Instead, I sort of just stared at the nearly empty can in front of me, rotating it around with my fingers as I tried to hold back any emotions I'd been feeling just then. I couldn't make it too obvious that what he'd said had upset me, but I guess due to the topic, Makoto had seen some sort of shift in my mood and started assuming things immediately.

"Oh no… Don't tell me you don't like Matsuoka Rin anymore. Is that why you-"

"I love him!" It slipped out in the moment, but for some reason, I didn't really regret it, though I had to make an effort to cover it up somehow. "I-I mean… he's an amazing dancer, what's not to love, right?" Makoto gave me an unreadable stare as I tried not to blush too noticeably at his befuddlement, though there's only so much you can control.

"You love him, huh?" he laughed. "I'm jealous." _You have no freaking idea._

.

The conversation transferred over to the couch later. After failing to teach me how to use an Xbox controller to play his video game, I settled in just watching him kill zombies on the screen, though I think I was more interested in the amount of clicks the controller made and just how fast his thumbs were moving on it.

"So I've never heard of a dude who's never picked up a controller," Makoto insisted on teasing me again.

"I was never really interested I guess…"

"Wow, you are as gay as they come." _Shut up, Makoto._ I shoved him, trying to be all manly about it, but it barely even made him budge. Plus he didn't even react to it, so I was guessing he hadn't even noticed. I kind of just sat there awkwardly afterwards. I guess growing up around just my mother hadn't really played a big role on my masculine side.

"Makoto, have you ever heard of the band Ignite?" I asked suddenly, to where Makoto's reaction was a twisted expression across his face; clearly of pure disgust.

"Ugh, I _hate_ them. They're just a bunch of brainwashed, egotistic bastards." Makoto's thumbs fiddled more violently on his controller as he sat up straight, eyes never neglecting the screen. "Can you believe that they're Nagisa's favorite band? I mean, I love Nagisa and all, but he has horrible taste. I mean, have you seen his boyfriend?" Makoto smiled at that one. "I'm so sick of hearing Nitori's fucking prissy-ass voice every time I ride in a car with him. I think Rei hates them too; Nagisa's always fangirling over the lead singer, the Nitori dude I mentioned. He won't shut up about him; _Oh my gosh he's so cute blehbleh!_ Did you know the lead singer is actually Rin's ex? That's why I hate him even more, to be honest. Rin totally fucking made a sex-tape for his ass. The kid's a greedy little son of a bitch."

"That's not even how it happened! Rin did not make that sex-tape, Nitori did!" I honestly didn't care how I sounded in the moment out-bursting like that, because I wasn't ready to let _anyone_ spread that rumor about Rin any further; the one that hurt him so much; the one that destroyed him so badly…

"I mean, I heard that rumor too. But I mean, come on, it's_ Rin…_"

"Yeah, so what if it's Rin? What does that mean? You think he's some sort of sex-addicted freak? Nitori forced that tape on him." I could feel my fists clenching up and my eyes becoming just a smidge-bit damper.

"Okay, okay… Geez, easy, Bertha; I'm on his side, so I can believe that. It's whatever. Why do you care so much? And I see you've done a lot of researched since you've first seen Rin. Glad to see you're a hardcore fan now." I opened my mouth to respond to it, but by that time, I had already told myself to just drop it before I ended up saying something I couldn't take back.

The rest of my time at Makoto's was quite bumbling. He decided that we'd watch a bit of TV to make it a fair deal since I wasn't doing anything but watching him have fun for the most part. I was pretty comfortable spread-out on his couch. Half the time I was just staring mindlessly at the program in front of me, until I gazed over at the clock and knocked off the popcorn pieces I'd been to lazy to remove from off my stomach with an up-straight jolt.

"I have to go," I said, my voice alerting Makoto from almost dozing-off.

"Hmm-shit, what time is it?" he stretched, causing what was left in the popcorn bowl on his lap to spill on the floor.

"Look for yourself, Mako, don't you have work?"

"Shit, you're right." I rolled my eyes, throwing a pillow at his _not-giving-a-fuck_ attitude. I fixed myself together as Makoto continued to lie around, faking like he was about to get up whenever I glared his way. I couldn't be bothered babying him at the moment, though, because I had only about ten minutes to get to my house and make myself look a bit more decent to see Rin. "Haru-chan," Makoto sang tiredly, gripping onto my arm once I trotted past him. It was only a matter of seconds afterwards that I had been forced into his lap and caressed tightly around the waist.

"Makoto, I don't have time right now, neither do you." I tried to pull myself back up, but he refused to let me go, whining at my struggle.

"I'm sorry if I said anything that offended you… I didn't mean to make you upset." That was the thing about Makoto; he'd pull down my pants in public while laughing his ass off, then take me into his arms and beg my forgiveness, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that to be honest.

"Yeah, yeah. I forgive you," I said, pulling myself up once his grip freed me at the slightest, receiving a genuinely relieved smile from the green-eyed boy.

.

.

It was a good thing Rin was a minute late to arrive at my house, because I indeed needed that minute. In about thirty seconds, I managed to throw on a clean shirt, and in another thirty seconds, I was able to run to the bathroom and force a brush through my hair at hyper speed a couple times. It was the second I had placed the brush onto the sink that I heard a knock at the door. I hadn't had any time to sit down and catch my breath as I now ran toward the source of the knocking.

"Yo," Rin said once I answered it, taking me in his arms before I could respond. I leaned up to reach his lips as they met with his, smiling over the fact that he was smiling afterwards. "Let's go, I'm running late for my wardrobe meeting. Apparently, coffee-stained sweatpants aren't considered presentable while performing on stage." My eyes ran down to the stain he had mentioned, and I couldn't help but let out a soft giggle. He was so cute. I don't know how a coffee stain made him cute, but when Rin did it, it was just cute. "But I was thinking, since I'm already late…"

Rin shut the door behind him, and I hadn't even had the time to register his lips being replaced onto mine as his hands clasped at my waist.

"I'm okay with being just a little later." _Oh_, the voice he put on in that moment. That sexy, raspy, _hot_ voice… He knew my weakness, and he loved to use it against me. I shivered underneath his warm breath at my ear, arms wrapping around his neck as he hitched me onto his waist.

Our lips hadn't dared disconnect the entire walk to my bedroom. Passionate smacks could be heard at our mouths whenever Rin's head tilted. He laid me down with care, hovering over me as I felt his chest rise and fall above mine. My legs still hugged around him in the way he had dropped me as my tongue explored his. I had to force it away once I felt myself being stripped of the shirt I had just put on not long ago, now crumpled in a ball somewhere on the floor. Rin parted with his own as I watched with needy eyes, scanning down his perfect, muscular chest. Though I'd seen it about a million times by now, I could never fight the compulsion to bite my lip at the mere sight of Rin even half naked. Any bare part of his body that had any sort of tone was an instant turn-on for me, and just looking at his six-pack made me hot.

By the time I was completely naked, I had the pleasure of un-doing Rin's pants myself. I blushed when he lied himself on top of me to kick them off, feeling up the creases of his back while I had the chance. With that, we were both in our birthday suits, Rin now sitting legs-spread on top of me as I received the sexiest view of my life.

"Haru, stroke me. Please," he begged. His voice always gave me that sudden chill, and I never failed to fall quick under his commands whenever we had sex. My hand fought desperately to reach for his dick, feeling my way up and down, to the tip, and back down to the balls in a repetitive motion. I went faster, I went slower, I went rougher, I went whatever Rin's face had told me to. Whenever it scrunched up in that sexy way that it did, it let me know that he'd liked what I was doing just then, so I'd do it more, until I could tell he was feeling pure ecstasy, the way I felt from just watching how irresistible he was. Rin bucked into my hand as he slid his fingers up my chest, stopping once they reached my lips and waiting for me to let them inside. I did what he wanted, allowing his fingers access into my mouth at once, sucking them deliberately while pleading up into his eyes.

"_Fuck…_ I swear, you've fucking mastered the method of seduction." Rin bit his own lips as he watched me whore myself all over his fingers. I kind of wanted to smile, but I didn't want to ruin the mood with my stupid happiness. It's just that, I felt so happy that Rin, _Rin_ had just told me I mastered something he'd taught me. This was good. This was very good.

I let out a breathy sigh once I lost his fingers, but it wasn't long before he'd given them back to me; Rin's fingers found a new entrance to enjoy as he stuck two of them inside my asshole. I moaned out at the feeling, back arching as his other hand worked on my dick. I shivered, legs spreading more for him as my breaths became uneven. The sensation caused my own grip on Rin's length to tighten as my lips parted for air. He let out a breathy moan, sliding in another finger as he did so and causing me to scream out to the point where my hand moved from his dick completely and instead ripped roughly at the bed sheets underneath me. The second I let go, Rin was on the move; snaking himself down the bed until his lips hovered teasingly at my dick. He licked the tip as his fingers continued to play inside me, and I became a moaning mess. He smiled at my reaction, wanting to see me fidget a bit more by taking it into his mouth at full. He got what he wanted, because I was already gasping at the feeling of his teeth grazing ever-so-slightly around its perimeter.

"Are you ready, Haru?" he spoke seductively once his mouth was off my length, stroking it to the words of his question. I had to catch my breath when I nodded, letting out a faint _yes_ as I slid my own hand onto my nipple. He smiled at my horny demeanor, sliding his crotch closer to my entrance and fixing the tip to where it grazed teasingly over its pulse. I moaned at the simple feeling of it being that close, and of course by the way he was making me squirm. He slid it in slowly at first, watching my face as my back arched further in response, tearing at my sheets. The motions of his thrusts started off steadily, as if he were considering my own feelings on the subject. Something about that made me happy; the fact that Rin cared enough for me to always start me off gently, since he knew I'd only ever done it with him. But in all honesty, I had a pretty good idea of what he felt like inside of me by now, so I don't really think I'd mind him just shoving it in and fucking me hard from the very beginning.

I moaned much more harshly once his thrust-speed increased, blanketing my arms around his neck desperately and pulling him closer. He grunted as I screamed out for more.

"Ahh, ah! R-Rin, _uhhhuuhh_, RIN! _Mmm.._ Uh, uh, _unf!_" That was pretty much my spiel the entire time whenever Rin was fucking me hard. He hovered closely over me, arms on each side of my body as his hands made fists. I could feel his uneven breaths on my chest as his hair grazed my cheek. He rested his forehead on the side of the pillow behind the back of my own, thrusting until I let out my last wail. Thrusting until that white substance ejaculated in a splatter across both of our chests.

It wasn't as easy to get Rin to cum as it was for me to turn him on. It had to have been at least another two minutes of riding me before he released himself inside of me, falling onto my chest as they rose and fell in synchronization.

.

.

.

I highly doubted the possibility of enjoying myself that night. Having both Rin and Makoto in the same place while Rin and I were practically _secret-dating_ would keep my nerve-count up the entire night, I knew it would. I couldn't help but start to wonder why Rin and I hadn't made it official yet… Was it because he didn't want Nitori to find out? Was it because I was embarrassing and not famous? Or maybe it had to do with the fact that I didn't necessarily _want_ to be famous. I wasn't much for attention, and Rin knew that. Maybe he was just thinking about me. Yeah, let's go with that one because I like the way it sounds. Either way, though, if being with Rin meant being famous, then I was willing to do it. I just wanted to be with Rin. I didn't want to sneak around and be his secret lover; I wanted to be _his_ lover. All his, officially, so that no one could stand in the way of us.

Rin seemed as eager as he'd been just telling me about it to actually _take_ me through the secret door that led to the backstage dressing room. _Wow_, it felt like just yesterday I had walked in there for the first time in hopes to meet the _Legendary Matsuoka Rin_ and ask him to teach me to dance. Now I was walking in with him… It was like a dream, really. Sort of felt like deja vu in a way, only with a twist, I guess.

It threw me off balance a bit once we were met by the horrified face of no other than Rin's dance teacher, aka my ex-crush, Seijuurou. He sort of popped out of nowhere once he heard us come in and flew toward Rin looking as if he'd just seen a ghost or something.

"Where the hell have you been? You better get in there," Seijuurou motioned his thumb in the direction of a closed-curtain changing station farther left from where we stood. "Wardrobe Lady's getting antsy."

"Sorry. I had a pretty little canvas I was dying to paint on," Rin said.

"I _really_ don't want to know about what canvases you've painted on. Get your butt in the changing station; you're on in fifteen." Sei grabbed Rin's shoulder and pushed him towards the direction of the changing station, leaving me to stand awkwardly in face of Sei once Rin disappeared behind the curtain. I could hear a woman with a thick Russian accent smack him on the head with something that sounded hard as she scolded him, but Sei didn't seem the least bit concerned by it. I really didn't want to make conversation with Sei, so I decided I'd head out to the club so that I wouldn't be in their way. However, I barely even made it to the door handle before my name was being called.

"Haru, about what I said about you not changing since I'd last seen you…" I turned around to witness Sei eyeing me down rather thoroughly, and it immediately made me feel uncomfortable. "I take it back." The smile he put on afterwards only made it worse. However, I couldn't help but feel a bit, relieved maybe? I mean, hadn't Sei telling me that I hadn't changed been what I was complaining about at one point?

"Oh, t-thanks.." I blushed, though I don't know why. I guess it was just the fact that I did really like him at one point. I guess. With that, however, I continued my walk out the door, closing it only to a crack as I bent down behind it to tie the shoelace I had near tripped on. I guess Rin had thought I was completely gone, because it was within a matter of seconds that I heard his voice belting behind the door. My body froze at his tone. _Had he not wanted me to leave? Was that hey for me?_ I almost walked back in before I stopped myself from making any other sudden movements. Although I was aware of just how horrible I was at eavesdropping, I took my chance at in anyway, peering a wide eye into the crack of the door where I witnessed Rin now ganging up on his dance teacher. Sei's eyes followed him with caution as he approached him, mine probably matched his at the moment. Rin waved a stern finger waving furiously in Sei's face. I couldn't see Rin's expression, but by the way the muscles in his back had tensed up, I could only imagine what it looked like.

"You may be my teacher and my sister's boyfriend, but I swear if you ever look at _my_ boyfriend like that again, I will rip your head off." _Boyfriend?_ I guess I should have been more concerned with the fact that Rin had to have been spying on us from behind the curtain in order to see that look Sei'd given me, or the fact that he had threatened to rip someone's head off, but I had forgotten all of that for a second. _Boyfriend?_ Did he mean that? Had it just slipped out in the moment because he didn't know what to refer to me as? But, he could have easily said _lover_. He'd never referred to me as his _boyfriend_. Had he always referred to me as his boyfriend when he thought I wasn't around? Either way, I could barely hold back the smile that stretched to both of my ears as I skipped off merrily through the halls, leaving the eavesdropping as is before I did something stupid like fall through the door again.

.

"Well, look who made it! I'm so happy you came." Makoto pulled me in for an over-the-counter hug as if he hadn't seen me in years, and I actually hugged him back because, well, that was just the type of mood I was in. Makoto filled me up a glass of Pepsi, and I'd just remembered that I'd yet to have my first _real_ drink. _Drink a beer, kiss a ten_, my mother had said. Well, I at least got half the job done. "I'm on break once Rin comes on. I'll be here all night, though. You're welcomed to stay with me here and keep me company till the end of my shift if you want? Wish I could drive you home, but you brought your car, so.."

"I-I actually can't. I have to go home." I mean, technically I could just tell Rin I'd stay and keep my friend company, but Rin was the protective, jealous type when it came to me. I didn't really want him going up to Makoto and questioning his relationship with me…

"Why?" Makoto sighed, shoulders sinking at the question.

"I… Stuff." It was apparent in the way Makoto's eyebrows creased that hadn't been the answer he was looking for.

"You've been acting really strange lately. Is there something you're not telling me? Because it's really starting to piss me off." I froze; Makoto had never raised his voice to me like that before, and I didn't like it when he did. Makoto was suppose to be the one person that I could say anything to and he wouldn't get mad at me for it. We stared at each other for about fifteen seconds as he awaited a response from me, shaking his head once his request was denied. I didn't know how to respond to Makoto raising his voice at me; I'd never experienced it before. Tease me all you want, call me all the names in the book, but please, don't yell at me…

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, alright? You don't need to keep things from me. And it's actually not starting to piss me off..it just worries me, you know? Despite my attitude, I care about you a lot, Haru. Please don't take my sarcastic personality seriously when it's aimed at you; I don't do it to hurt you, that's just how I am. Guess it's just my way of saying that I, well, really like you, Haru.. Just thought I'd add that in case you were thinking it…" He reached his arms across the counter again and pulled me in for another hug, this one being a lot longer than the other, and I sort of peered over my shoulder to make sure Rin hadn't been watching.

"I know." _I know, Makoto. But this is different. I just really can't tell you this one. Not yet. Not without breaking your heart…_

.

.

"Ladies and gentleman, don't bother blowing your noses, because you're going to need a lot of those tissues once you're done watching this." They actually hired this guy? Not going to lie, I thought he'd be fired by my next visit to the club. I didn't really mind it as much this time, however, because I was just anticipating Rin's performance. I thought it would be cool; standing in the same spot I had when I first laid eyes on Rin now that I knew him personally. I wanted to experience it the way I had the first time. I wanted to relive the experience through a whole new light. Now I was one of those banshees I had mentioned earlier cheering on Matsuoka Rin, though my soft voice still hadn't compared to even Makoto's screaming.

"Rin, I love you!" he screamed, causing my head to jolt in his direction. I hated the fact that I felt any sort of hatred for Makoto at all, but to hear him say that he loved Rin… It was stupid, I know. I mean, many fans state that they love the person they've come to see perform, right? If I was going to be _seeing_ Rin, that was something I just had to deal with. But, it was different when Makoto said it for some reason. Then again, I'd never known who Matsuoka Rin was had Makoto never dragged me to the stage that night… Plus, there just wasn't anything he could do that could make me hate him, really. Unless of course, he were to _touch_...oh _gosh!_ Don't even _think_ that way, Haru.

I recognized the song that blasted through the speaker this time; it had been the one Rin was teaching me the moves to during some of our practices. Pretty sure it was called _I'm A Slave For You_ by someone named Britney, don't remember her last name, though; maybe it was because whenever he danced to it, I was instantly hypnotized by his succulent flawlessness. I know it had only been about an hour or so since we'd last had sex, but watching his body near plead to be touched on stage had driven my insanity all over again. The way his body rolled slowly whenever the music said the word _slave_ had me sweating, and the way his back turned to me as he bent down and felt himself back up with that sexy-ass back-roll, oi.

He kept sneaking glances at me at the more erotic parts of the song, and usually I would be totally okay with that. But, it was the fact that Makoto was standing right next to me that sort of made me wish he'd not. Surely, if he kept it up, sooner or later, Makoto would realize. But, how could I just ignore it when it felt like he was dancing for me? I _wanted_ Rin to look at me and only me when he danced; it turned me on so much. At one point, he and I had a stare-off with each other as he stood at the edge of the stage and felt himself up. He stared hauntingly into my eyes as I stared wantingly in his, and I almost reached out and touched him.

I knew Makoto had been watching that time, but I was too lost in Rin's enchantment to care then, so when I actually did get to looking in his reaction, I was quick to avert my eyes. Makoto had stopped cheering, and was now just staring at me with the most confused expression I'd ever seen him make plastered across his face. _Oh gosh, oh gosh, he saw that. He definitely saw that…_ What did I say? How the hell did I get myself out of that one? I pretended not to notice his concerning expression as I focused on anything that wasn't either Rin or Makoto, but there was only so much you could ignore when your chin was being shifted upward to meet with the eyes of the dancer on stage.

The amount of flashes of light surrounding my vision near blinded me, and I must have looked like a deer in headlights in every last photo. I'd kissed Rin plenty of times, but this one was one kiss I hadn't imagined occurring even in my head. I always pictured that the day our relationship went public would be because some random guy with a camera phone caught us walking to his doorstep or something.

"Turn off the music," Rin ordered, but it wasn't the music that was the problem; it was all the screamers and murmurers in the audience. I stood there awkwardly with Rin's taste still lingering on my lips as he signaled for the guy with the bad intros to hand him that sparkly mic of his. I had nary a single clue on just what was going on, but I think Rin had just made it official. I couldn't really think much to breath straight. Or..

Rin went back to the spot he had kissed me, bending down to where his crotch was in my face. Once he held the mic up to his mouth, I became a stone. Not only me, but the audience as well. I could feel their stares hot on both my back and the sides of my face, causing it to go a deep red as I tried only to focus on Rin.

"Nanase Haruka," he started, already giving me a chill by using my full name. "Will you please be my boyfriend?"

_This is a dream. Don't let it be a dream. I'm dreaming…_ The entire crowd gasped, and I wanted to scream and cry and laugh and die and fly and, _oh gosh_, I just wanted to jump into his arms and have him spin me around and kiss me like they did in those novels I'd mentioned earlier. But I couldn't get myself to even speak, let alone jump in his arms. And with all these people around, it didn't do me any better on the whole _breathing_ problem I had going for me in that moment. I was scared to look at anyone else's eyes, but, I had to look at Makoto's. I turned my head to where I'd last remembered him standing, and it hurt me to see the look on his face. I couldn't quite tell exactly what he was feeling, but by the way he held his eyes, I got the hint that it was a mixture of both extreme confusion and excruciating pain. Suddenly everyone was looking over in his direction, including Rin, though his was more of a concerned glare if anything. He was quick to tilt the mic toward me afterwards as if some sort of fear had consumed his body when I hadn't answered right away, to where I was quick to focus back onto Rin.

"U-uh, y-y-yes…" The frequency in the mic kept everyone silent for a while as I blushed at the widening grin on Rin's face.

"He said yes." Rin held the mic back to his lips, and I had to jump at the sudden sound of a thousand cheers flooding into my ears. I was happy, I was. I wanted to be happy, but, when I looked over at Makoto for a second time, I almost wanted to cry; his expression was unmistakably pained now. He looked so sad, so hurt… I wanted to go over there; explain everything I should have just explained to him a long time ago, but before I could even take a single step in his direction, I was being swarmed and sucked up into the sea of Rin's curious fans, watching Makoto disappear slowly from the scene.

* * *

**So like, feels. I know, this chapter is very bipolar on the feels. Lemme know your feels pls.. *grabby hands* And as always, thank you for reading, my loves.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

"Who is he." Rin's eyes always had this specific sparkle whenever he was upset about something; I learned that from having studied them every time I was with him. Though he was a master at hiding his emotions when he had to, I knew what to look for in order to tell exactly what he was feeling, though this technique only worked when he was upset; I still couldn't tell whether he was enjoying something or furious about something, or all those other emotions people had.. But what could I say? Rin was a master of disguise I guess.

"I told you, he's just a friend, Rin, I swear! He reacted that way because he really liked me...and I reacted that way because I broke his heart. I never told him about us because I was scared of his reaction, but I guess I should have just told him from the beginning, so he didn't have to find out like this…" The sigh I let out afterwards was slightly uneven due to the pain I had welling up in my chest, tugging a bit at the restraint of the seat belt in hopes to access better air-passage. I didn't want to be questioned by Rin, especially after we just became official. I wanted to be happy, I wanted this moment to be perfect, but instead I end up feeling nauseous and given the cold-shoulder. Not to mention hurting my best friend.

"Do you like him back?" The pain in my chest was quick to subside once he'd finished, because I was too busy focusing on the question that had unfortunately spewed from his lips, causing a reflex of my hands to his wrists.

"N-no, I love you, Rin... Nothing could compare to my love for you!" My face flushed a deep red once we were staring into each others eyes. He didn't seem upset anymore after pleading with them for a bit, and because of that fact, I couldn't read what he was thinking. He didn't smile, but he didn't frown either; he just stared at me as I stared back, and it went on for a couple seconds longer than it probably should have. I'm not complaining, though.

The car ride was much too silent for my liking; Rin would murmur something quick about how beautiful the trees looked on someone's yard and I'd mumble a, _yeah, it's nice_. He turned on the radio at one point. Some station I'd never think to stop on (had I been flipping through stations) came blasting through the speakers. Whatever it was, it sounded sort of depressing, and very mellow, not like something I'd picture someone _blasting_; more like something you'd maybe meditate to I guess. He turned it down quickly and murmured a soft _sorry_, I told him it was okay. And, that was pretty much it. And, that was the reason I was feeling even more nauseous than when we'd first sat down. Was it really going to be this awkward between us now that we were dating? Was it the fact that I hadn't answered right away when Rin asked me out because I was too busy worrying about Makoto? _Lord, I hope not._

Rin pulled up to my apartment shortly after, turning off his car and facing the building for a while before attempting at any conversation. I looked down onto my lap, hoping maybe he'd pull me into his arms and kiss me, or something, anything, I didn't care if he pulled me in and bit me; I was desperate right now.

"I'm sorry for what I did on stage." He didn't bite at least. Instead, I noticed a faint sprinkle of blush flush over his face even in the darkness, pulling me in his arms quickly after and giving me something even better than what I'd hoped for; his embrace.

"W-why are you sorry…? I've honestly been waiting for us to be official one day." I wrapped my arms around him in our awkward hugging angle that still felt so right, just because Rin was the other pair of arms.

"No, I mean for putting you in the spotlight like that. I just would have rather made it known myself than have paparazzi catch us sneaking around one day." Rin rubbed my back softly, and I couldn't help but smile. Was that why he was being so distant? He thought I was mad at him? He thought I didn't like the way he asked me out? _Oh_, how cute he was. Seriously, so freaking cute.

"I thought it was adorable the way you did it." I was _really_ smiling now, just from relieve really, and from being with Rin of course; that always played a big part in it. There was always the fact that he was smiling too. Gosh, I've never smiled so much in two months, it was weird. But I guess I found my reason to smile. He kissed me, and I returned the favor, sliding my arms around his neck once he slid his own around my waist. I had freed myself from the seat belt's hold by that time, having moved the arm rest out of the way so that I could travel myself onto his lap. He slid his hands up my shirt once our mouths continued eating at one anothers. I ran my fingers through his hair a bit as he planted kisses onto my neck, leaving a lovebite just under my ear to show his ownership to me. That's what I learned, at least. At first I screamed, asking him why he was biting me so hard. He'd never done it to me before, so he told me he wouldn't do it if I didn't want him to. Of course, then I just felt guilty; like I'd be a disappointment if I didn't, so I let him do as he pleased.

"I'll call you," he said as our lips parted by the front door to my apartment. I was reluctant to let go of his hand once he started walking away, having him pull me for a bit until I was able to make him chuckle, even in the slightest. "We'll see each other again, I promise."

"Okay.." He reeled me in for one last kiss before turning away to walk back to his car once I finally decided to let go of his hand. I watched him until he was pulling out of the parking lot. He rolled down his window to shout me a _goodnight_ before disappearing down the road, and that had to have been one of our longest goodbye's. Even after he was gone, I stared at the spot we had last exchanged words; I hadn't had anything else to… _Shit._

The second my mind drifted back down to reality, I was quick to fix my keys into the apartment door. I checked my phone once I was inside, panicking at its extremely low-battery life as I ran to retrieve the charger. My phone charger's pretty short, so I basically have to bend down and face the wall if I want to make a call while it's charging. I only had around six contacts, one being my voicemail box… so it was easy to find Makoto's number in my phone.

"Please, please pick up, pick up," I chanted as it rang. _At least it's ringing_, I thought.

"Hey!"

"Makoto, where are-!"

"-Haha, having fun talking to an automated voice?" _Oh, so he was one of those assholes_. "That's too bad, because I'm not available right now. But I'll take a message!" By the time I heard the beep I had already been both thrown off-guard by his voicemail greeting and by the fact that he hadn't answered his phone.

"...Ma-Makoto… It's, it's Haru, please, call me back as soon as you get this!" My hands shook as I ended the call, taking in a deep breath as I tried to think of what he could have possibly been doing right now. I tried texting him, but after almost ten minutes of no response, I figured he wasn't near his phone at all because he always answered me back within at least two minutes at longest. I had no choice but to try his house. Maybe he'd be there since he did leave work much earlier than he'd been scheduled to. My phone had charged enough to last the time being as I near yanked it from its charger and double-checked that I had my keys.

.

I was trembling like a leave once my fist made contact with his front door, closing my eyes for just a second to focus on breathing before I heard it unlock before me.

"Hi Haru." Makoto's little sister rubbed at her eyes. I didn't have time to wonder why she was answering doors at this hour.

"Hey, is Makoto here?" I asked much too quickly. She was obviously still half-asleep, so it took her a minute to register exactly what I'd asked.

"He should be at work, right? I thought you were meeting him there to see that dancey boy he likes." _I don't think he likes that dancey boy anymore.._ By the sound of it, I'd assume he'd never even gone home since he left the club… _Shit_, this wasn't good.

"Right, yeah, thank you." I gave her a quick pat on the head and didn't bother to stay any longer to see the confused face she was most likely giving me by the time I'd ran off.

"Shit," I said once my car door shut beside me. _Where the hell would I look now?_ _Where the hell would he have went?_ I placed my head against the steering wheel once the tears started forcing their exit from the corners of my eyes again, dripping off the tip of my nose as I stared at my pale legs through the darkness. It only took about a second of that before I'd thought up another option, driving faster than I should have been back down Makoto's driveway and into the road. My vision was bit blurry now, but I wasn't going to let that slow me down nor stop me from reaching my destination. I took in a quick sniffle and cleared my head of anything else. _Rei's been friends with Makoto longer than me_, I thought, _maybe he'd know better than I would._

.

"Fucking answer, please!" I banged at the door in pure desperation once I'd received no answer from the previous attempts. "Rei, please!" I saw a light on in his house, he wasn't fooling anyone. I could only assume that he was just being an asshole. That was, until I tried the handle for myself. I mean, it wasn't like I just expected his door to be unlocked, so… And why exactly was it unlocked..? Should I have maybe been worrying about Rei now, too…? Either way, I let myself in quietly, closing the door behind me with caution just in case there _was_ something to worry about lurking around the house somewhere. My weapon of choice was an umbrella that had been conveniently placed at the door inside one of those umbrella-bucket things. I fished it out slowly, trying not to let the sides bang up against the bucket to avoid the commotion.

As we all know, I'm shit at being a ninja, and I was no master at being brave either, so I took my sweet time searching the house. I felt like I was in some sort of horror novel the way I had readied the umbrella for attack and by the way my expression had matched the atmosphere. However, this was reality, so I wasn't going to spew out my greetings and endure in a game of Marco-Polo with a potential threat. The first thing to trigger my bafflement was a painful scream that came from somewhere upstairs. I threw my back against the wall in reaction, knocking over some sort of frame that once hung from it. Luckily as it crashed to the floor, another scream came just in time to mask the shatter.

"Please!" the voice cried in a very familiar voice.

"Nagisa…" I whispered, eyes widening. "Nagisa!" I didn't care about sneaking anymore as I clutched the umbrella and dashed clumsily up the stairs. Once at the top, I waited; listening once more to detect which room the screaming had came from, sprinting for the door handle at the slightest sound. The speed in which I swung the door open was incredible, but I think what was more incredible was the look on my face afterwards. I stood there in the door frame, calling out Nagisa's name once before my whole body sort of just shut-down on me. Here I'd thought he was in some kind of danger, but no, he's over here having a damn good time. Both Rei and Nagisa peered over at me quickly, jumping out of their doggy-style routine at once. I believe my eye twitched a bit once I realized what I'd witnessed, though I desperately tried to pretend I hadn't seen a single thing.

"Haru, don't you knock?!" Rei was quick to cover Nagisa's junk even before his own. My eye twitched again.

"I...I knocked. I definitely knocked. Now...why the hell do you leave your door unlocked at 2am?"

"Wow, is it really 2am already? I think the better question is, why are you walking into my house at 2am looking for Nagisa?" Rei reached over to his nightstand to turn on the light and replace his glasses. I lost track of my eye-twitch count by then. It's hard to register anything when you're thinking about Rei and Nagisa having doggy-style sex before your eyes, and Makoto missing, and Rin kissing you, and having doggy-style sex with Rin kissing you, _everywhere.._ well, _me_ everywhere. I let out an elongated sigh and closed my eyes for a moment to clear my head.

"Makoto's missing. He left the club all sad about.. _something,_ and I've been trying to reach him and I've been looking all over for him, but I can't find him anywhere. So I came here." Rei and Nagisa both exchanged the same reacting, both reaching for their phones at the same time.

"I'll try calling him on my phone," Rei said before Nagisa could dial. Once that didn't work, Nagisa gave it a try. I almost broke my knuckles from pleading so much in the suspense during the ringing process.

"Still nothing," he sighed. "We're going to have to go down to the police station or something."

"That's where I was headed next if you guys didn't know anything about it," I said, already working on turning to leave.

"Wait, I'll go with you! It's dangerous driving around here alone at night," said the boy who cried _sex_ in an unlocked house.

"Nagisa!" Rei restricted him from any further movement toward his clothes with a firm lock of arms around Nagisa's waist. "You're not going anywhere." I studied closely the expression he then put on as he gazed up into Rei's eyes. Nagisa's eyes seemed to become bigger as the bottom of his lip poked out in a _pleading_ sort of way, and the look on Rei's face from his reaction was one I'd never seen on him before; he was blushing, but he looked like he was trying to force himself to stop doing so. It was an amusing scene, really. "...Dammit, Nagisa. Just be safe, okay?"

"I will!" Nagisa snuck him a kiss before hoping out of bed freely, exposing himself in the process and quickly throwing on his clothes. "Love you, be right back!" he said once he was following me out the door.

.

.

I don't think I'd ever had Nagisa in my car before. It was almost weird, seeing the golden-haired boy so amused by the air freshener I had pinned to the vent.

"I've never had one like this before.. My mom use to get the ones that dangle down from the mirror. You know, the ones that have like a pineapple or something on it." He talked as if I had never heard of those type of air fresheners before. I nodded my head, too focused on getting to the police station to care for small-talk. I guess my expression showed just how worried I was, because I could feel Nagisa staring at me for a whole minute afterwards.

"Is this about the Rin thing?" he asked. My eyes widened a bit whenever his name came out of anyone's mouth that wasn't mine for some reason, and I made an effort to shift my eyes over at him.

"How do you know that…?"

"I saw you on TV." He smiled as if it were a good thing. Had it really made it on the TV that quickly? It had only happened a few hours ago… Was that really how TV worked?

"Oh…" I said, focusing back on the road again. Nagisa nodded, leaving my air freshener alone and leaning back in his seat to let out a subtle sigh.

"Yeah, congratulations, by the way. I can't believe you hit it big with a celebrity! It's weird how it's Matsuoka Rin, though. Makoto was like, in love with the guy. But don't worry, I'm sure he's gotten over that by now, because the real person he loves is you, Haru." I wasn't sure whether I should feel guilty or jealous at Nagisa's statements, so I kept quiet and let him continue. "Makoto doesn't shut up about you, seriously. He can blab on for hours and hours about how handsome he thinks you are; your eyes, your nose, this, that. He talks about his feelings for you and how he can't get you out of his mind, to where I respond, _clearly,_ in a loud voice. It's cute, though; watching Makoto go all _fangirl_ over you. Every time _I_ wanna fangirl with him he refuses me. At least _I_ listen." Nagisa shook his head and looked at me.

"He talks about how in love with you he is, and how much you make him smile. He'd kill me right now if he knew I was telling you this stuff, by the way. Makoto's very violent, you thought I was joking? He's scary when he's angry, so if you two did end up getting together, don't piss him off... Just kidding, he's a big teddy bear, really. Am I confusing you? Sorry. Anyway, Makoto is just a big heap up emotions in all honesty. One second he'll chuck a knife at you, then he'll hug you and give you a band-aid to heal the wound. Kind of like those Sour Patch commercials." I could agree on that part; Makoto had a strange way of expressing his feelings, which is why I was sometimes confused on whether he liked me at all at some points in our relationship. But, with Nagisa telling me all these extra details I'd never known, now I was convinced. Now I felt even more guilty than I had saying yes to Rin in front of him.

"But anyway, he said something about how he thought you were the _one_. So I sort of feel bad for him.. But he's just going to have to suck it up, because you're with Rin now. In all honesty, Makoto's infatuation over you is a bit obsessive if you ask me. I'd pull down my curtains at night if I were you. I've known Makoto for a year now; Rei introduced me to him once we started dating. They talk so much shit about each other it's laughable to even call them friends, but at the end of the day, they're always there for each other. He'd never tell you, but I know for a fact that Rei is crying right now. I guarantee you. Rei and Makoto are a lot a like, really." _My gosh,_ Nagisa could talk. But I couldn't really complain, because at least it was a topic of interest. It was always fun to learn something new about the people you associated with, even when parts of it only make you feel even more like a terrible person.

"Nagisa… Do you _really_ like Nitori?" My face sort of scrunched up at my own question. Having been talking about Makoto and Rin and dating, that little conversation Makoto and I had earlier slipped into my mind. I could tell by the way his face lit up that Nagisa was indeed interested in initiating conversation involving Nitori.

"_Oh my gosh_, yes!" It was just like Makoto had said. Pretty soon I was having the bottom of my glove-box kicked in by exited feet. "He's _sooo_ cute! Oh my gosh, his eyes...his face...his voice! Kahh, I'd marry him!" I could have sworn I saw hearts in his eyes once he placed his hands on his cheeks and rocked back and forth.

"Why? You know what he did to Rin, right?" His giggling was put to an abrupt pause once his eyes shot nervously into mine.

"Oh...y-yeah… Makoto told me he used him. I mean, it's horrible…" I wasn't convinced by his tone.

"You don't seem to care." My focus remained to the front as I pulled into the parking space at the police station, brows creasing slightly at the length between Nagisa's question and response time.

"I do care! I just… I love Nitori…" He mumbled that last bit and I rolled my eyes. I mean, someone had to be his fan, right? Otherwise he wouldn't be as big as he was. Besides, I'm sure Nagisa had been in love with Nitori way before I'd even known Rin. I wasn't going to tell him who to love just because I hated the guy.

.

.

.

I couldn't even think to sleep at all that night; too busy worrying about just where Makoto had ran off to. I kept thinking, _maybe I should go look for him some more_, but when I'd asked the police at the station if I could join the search party, they advised me to go home, get some rest, and let them do all the work. Claimed they'd be searching all night until they found him and they'd call me in the morning for an update. Maybe I should have stayed at Rei's house so I wouldn't be alone. I didn't really want to be alone tonight… I'd tell Rin to come over, but I didn't want him to see how worried I was about Makoto. I did call him, though. I needed someone to talk to, and who better than my _boyfriend_, right? _Su__ch a nice ring to it.._. He'd called earlier, but I guess I was too busy looking for Makoto at the time. I lied down, placing the phone on speaker next to me on my pillow as I closed my eyes and listened to Rin's raspy bed-voice. _Gah_, I loved that voice. I told him I missed him, he told me he loved me. I told him never to leave me, he told me he never planned on it.

Talking with Rin on the phone like this always killed me. It made me want him more than ever, especially when he whispered sweet things through the speaker that took my breath away completely. I told him to stop sounding so sexy, but then he chuckled, and I near fainted in my bed. The way he breathed my name never failed to send a shiver down my spine with each time, and before I knew it, I'd gotten so turned on that I was begging him to tell me all the things he'd do to me if I was there. Touching myself to his voice had been something Rin and I had been doing whenever he couldn't sleep with me due to something involving his career. But sometimes, all I needed was his voice to feel happy. Any kind of interaction with Rin was something I treasured dearly. I whined his name until he was listening to the sound of my breathing until the battery on my phone died while I was off in dreamland.

The next morning, I had a missed call from an unfamiliar number. It left a voicemail, and I clicked to listen to it as soon as I'd seen it, assuming it was from an officer calling to update me on Makoto's status.

_"Hello Mr. Nanase, this is Officer Gale down at the Iwatobi Police Station. I was just calling to update you on the person you'd sent a search party out for, Tachibana Makoto. I'm calling to let you know that we found him in the lake over at the Samezuka Park. However, do not worry because he is alive. When we fished him out, he was unconscious, but the doctors we had with us at the time made an effort to relieve him from it. Luckily, he seemed to be functioning okay for a while, though I am concerned for his mental health. Once he realized his surroundings, he put up a fight; questioning us with raised tone, 'why didn't you just let me die' multiple times. When we asked him if this had been an act of violence inflicted toward him or an attempt at suicide, he responded saying that there was no reason to live anymore, which led us to assume it to be a suicide attempt. Anyway, he was checked into the Iwatobi Hospital at around 6:15am, immediately after we found him. He should be in for a couple days until the doctors are certain he's well enough to be released."_

I exited the voicemail before I could hear the man's outro, and I swear, my knees stopped functioning completely once my finger hit that button. And not even within a seconds delay, I had collapsed to the floor.

.

.

All the heads in the room wasted nary a single second to focus all their attention on the three horrified boys that had busted through the hospital entrance doors. Those three horrified boys being Nagisa, Rei and I. I was first to charge my way through, at least a minute or two ahead of the others as I dashed my way over to the front desk. The way I had made the lady at the computer jump satisfied me; I wanted her to wake up and pay attention to exactly what was being asked of her.

"Tachibana Makoto. I need his room now. He checked in at around 6:15am." My breathing was uneven as I hovered uncomfortably over her desk to catch both my breath and the answer as soon as she gave it to me. I didn't stay long enough to thank her properly afterwards, so just as I'd startled her coming, I must have startled her even more leaving. I'd never been able to run fast before, but for some reason my legs seemed to have a mind of their own. Perhaps it had to do with that fact that I was motivated by fear, by anxiety. By Makoto's well-being.

I ripped through the handle of the door, bypassing the loud crashing noise it made once its back hit the wall. My eyes widened at the sight of Makoto lying on a hospital bed. I'd never really pictured it before; Makoto hates hospitals, said they give him the creeps. I could already feel the tears escaping the corners of my eyes just by watching him from the doorway.

"Makoto…" I said, but it was barely even a whisper. I suddenly felt the urge to run; to take flight into his arms and let him know that I still cared about him. My face buried itself into his chest once I felt my breathing pattern becoming uneven and my vision becoming too fogged by wetness. I clung to the front of his hospital gown, pleading with him softly as I felt my knees giving in once more. "I'm s-sorry, Makoto…" I sniffed. "I'm so sorry…" Rei and Nagisa had finally caught up, I heard their footsteps charge into the doorway and stop before coming completely inside.

"Ma-!" I could hear the worry in Rei's voice from behind, but Nagisa had stopped him from coming closer. It was as if he wanted me to be alone with Makoto for a while. As if I was the one who'd known him the longest.. I guess Makoto and I had become pretty close since we met. Besides, he did love me after all. I guess Nagisa thought that Makoto would want to wake up to the sight of me? But, what if he didn't want to see me ever again? What if I'd ruined our friendship by dating Rin? What if he didn't want anything to do with me anymore because I was no longer an option for him? All these thoughts only drove me to heavier tears. I didn't want to lose Makoto as a friend… He was the only best friend I had. Every time I thought I had something good, it always ended up getting taken away from me… I didn't want Makoto to be taken away from me.

I sort of felt bad for hogging up Makoto from his other friends waiting somewhere in the hallway, but I couldn't get myself to leave until I apologized to him properly. I kept my face in his chest as I felt his faint heartbeat soft upon my ear, but once I felt a stiffen in his stomach, I looked up to see his eyes blinking open at the light.

"Makoto…" I breathed, more thankful than I'd ever been to see his eyes again.

"Wha...where am I?" he asked. His voice sounded different; it was much softer than usual and less intimidating.

"You're...you're in the hospital...you…-"

"Haru..? Oh, yeah...true." I could see his expression slowly starting to drift back to normal and I almost felt relieved, but I couldn't quite shake the fact that I had been the reason he was even lying in that hospital bed. I felt the tears coming back as he looked painfully into my eyes.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Makoto… I'm so, _so_ sorry...really, I care about you, I do.. I should have told you. I shouldn't have been so stupid and scared and I should have just told you. I obviously care about you, otherwise this wouldn't hurt me as much as it does.." My last word was barely audible as I was burying my face back into his chest.

"Haru," he said gently, lifting up my chin in the process. My eyes met with his just in time to see a tear of his own trickle down the side of his cheek. He stared deeply, agonizingly into my eyes. "I just want you to love me. Love me, Haru...please. That's all I want." I didn't let my eyes leave his, mainly because I was too afraid, too scared of what was happening now. He was moving in closer to me, the way Rin did whenever he wanted to kiss me. I didn't know what to do when it was Makoto. But, I let him. I let him kiss me, because I felt I owed it to him. Because I felt like, had I resisted, he'd be angry with me, he wouldn't want to talk to me. He wouldn't want to be my friend. But, as it went on longer, and his tongue started doing tricks I had only felt Rin's tongue do with mine, I started to feel uncomfortable. He had enough by now, right? I think I payed him back a fair deal of my lips. He shouldn't be mad at me if I pulled away now. But, I couldn't; he was stronger than me. Even after our lips parted for air and I breathed out his name in hopes that he'd stop, his name on my lips only seemed to make him want to kiss me more. Even after our lips parted for air and I breathed out the word _stop_, the way his lips pressed back onto mine told me _no._

"Makoto, please, s-stop!" I grabbed roughly at his wrist once it moved down inside my pants to tease at my tip. I wasn't strong enough to pull it away, but he removed it once he got a good moan out of me, and I had to look around to make sure there were no doctors. His eyes met deeply with mine again as I tried to recover mentally from the experience he'd given me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Makoto's voice was officially back to its sort of _intimidating_ yet _enthusiastic_ self. He was still holding onto me, keeping me close to him. And I let him.

"Wh-because look at you! I expected heartbreak, but this is ten billion times worse. Plus, well, you said you wouldn't believe Rin even_ looked_ at me if I had proof, so… A-and you wanted me to tell you, but look where we are now, Makoto. This is insane… I can't even believe you would go this far over someone like me… I'm not even half-worth it. It makes me feel like shit knowing I did this to you. Do you even understand how this whole situation makes _me_ feel? I'd never forgive myself if you died."

"Don't you fucking _dare_ talk about yourself like that to me." The sudden depth of his voice caused the crease in my brow to turn upward as we exchanged crucial eye contact. "If you weren't worth it, no, if you weren't fucking _perfect_ in my eyes, do you honestly think I'd try killing myself over you? Worth it ain't even half of what you are to me. Besides, right now, I think I'm more upset about the fact that you felt you had to keep such a huge thing from me for _months_. Especially after I told you that you could tell me anything." Makoto's hand left my arm to run down his face once he'd let out a soft sigh. And I sat there frozen in my own shame.

"...I know, I'm sorry…"

"No, I'm sorry." Once again, I found myself being blanketed in his arms. He breathed in my sent, which I'm sure by now was some mixture of both armpit sweat and anxiety. He didn't seem to mind, though. "I'm sorry to make you worry like that. Sorry I took my depression to the extreme.. I just, didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I never felt this way before, so I didn't know how to react to something so crucial. I'm in love with you, you know, Haru." Something about the way Makoto was talking now reminded me of myself, and the way I felt with Rin. I know that should have been the last thing on my mind at a time like this, but I could sort of relate to that desperate feeling. It's how I felt when I just wanted Rin to be all mine. That same feeling that killed me for the longest, only instead of me being all crazy about Rin, Makoto (for some reason) was being all crazy about me.

"I knew there was something, but I didn't know how much until Nagisa told me…" I didn't mean to rat on him, but sometimes I just speak what's on my mind.

"Nagisa, huh? I'll keep that in mind. Anyway, I thought my feelings for you were pretty obvious."

"They're here, by the way; Nagisa and Rei... And I'm sorry…"

"Stop saying sorry. I'm sorry that I let my feelings get the best of me. I'm just going to have to get over the fact that I'm not the one you're in love with... I guess it's none of my business who you love…" There was a chilling silence here. "Just know that if you ever change your mind, I'm here." It sounded like he was saying _goodbye_, and it hurt a little. I didn't mean to place my hand on his wrist, but I did, just in case he'd disappear before I got the chance to ask him to stay, or something. Not like he could detach himself from some of the wires that ran to his body anyway..but that was just how my mind worked.

"S-so are we still, still friends?" I looked down at the blanket just in case, because I didn't want him to see me worry for the answer. It was only when I heard that significant laugh of his (much more painful sounding than usual, however), I knew that it was safe to look up again.

"Of course we're still friends, dork."

* * *

_**I know, that Makoto part. Sorry. It's all part of the story development ha..? By the way, I totally haven't mentioned this, but to avoid any type of suing or copyright issues; I do NOT own the Tootsie Roll label, the Sour Patch label, or whatever brand I may have used in this story. Amen. Also, sorry if the story's getting a little high on the quote-usage. I just love writing the dialogue.. Let me know if I should tone down the dialogue a bit or if it's okay as is. It's just that, what they say to each other's crucial, yah know? Also, tell me your chapter feels if you can, please! It brings me great joy to know what my readers feel when they read. Thank you like crazy for your support, my beautiful darlings.**_

_**(By the way, it's my birthday! Wooo! The big 19. Party over here, woot, woot. That's why I updated this at an earlier time than usual lol).**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

So it sort of ended up just hitting me about now; I was dating a celebrity. I was semi-famous right now. The day I packed my bags for Iwatobi, I'd never even imagined anything like this would happen. However, being the romantic that I was, I did sort of find myself pondering on love from time to time. Those evenings when I'd sit in my pool and think about the future, I'd think realize just how unrealistic some of the romantic novels I've read were. Not once had I ever imagined myself being carried away by a prince on a horse somewhere into the sunset. I'd always pictured my future boyfriend to be some shy nerdy guy I met at the library one day and so happened to find attractive. I always pictured us sitting at either of our houses talking about the books and mangas we've read all day and then falling asleep together. Maybe picking out the same book, reading a chapter of it, then coming to each other to discuss it the next day or something. If anyone at all, that was.

But no, instead I got celebrities greatest sex-symbol to walk the fucking planet. Instead, the heavens opened up and sent down their most perfect angel. Instead, I got God's gift to women, or men in this case. And the funny part of it all was, I didn't want to be famous. I didn't want to be on TV and I hated the attention. But that's not the funniest part; the funniest part was that I wouldn't trade him for the world. Hilarious, I know; a person like me dating a person like him. Even I had to laugh when I thought about it. But if anything, I couldn't have been more grateful.

I finally got myself to pick up a remote control. Being a virgin to the whole _internet box_ or _cable box_ or whatever it was called, Rin had to do it for me. He pressed like three buttons until the TV showed picture, then explained to me how to use a remote. _What, did he think I was stupid? I know how to flip through channels, thank you very much._ He left me to be entertained by the TV so that he could go back upstairs to make an important phone call before showering. I don't know what it was that he'd left the channel on, but it indeed caught my interest the moment I started watching it. As a matter of fact, I watched it rather intensely. Something about the plot reminded me of a couple of books I've read; it was about this girl who went to school with a family of vampires, but there was this one in particular that she fell in love with. I couldn't find it in myself to look away as the plot thickened; there was just something I liked about vampires and romance and love without limits. I remember reading one with my mother long ago. She and I ended up sobbing together by the final chapter.

"...You're actually watching what I think you're watching." By the time Rin had come back down the stairs running a towel all over his wet hair, I was addicted. I hadn't even remembered leaning over to read for the tissues by the time I was wiping at my eyes.

"_And so the lion fell in love with the lamb_… That's like us, Rin… I'm like your lamb…" I turned to face his half-naked body with a tissue patting at my eyes as he rolled his own.

"Oh geez," he tried to be serious, but he couldn't help but crack a smile at just how sensitive I was to this type of stuff. "If that's how you see it." He made an effort to squeeze my cheeks from behind before entering the kitchen, and I had a pretty nice view of his ass in those undies. I didn't get too upset when the commercials came on; I had to admit, they were kind of funny. I don't know why my mom always got up whenever they came on. There was this one advertisement on toilet paper that reminded me that I needed to go out and buy some for the bathroom back at my apartment. Then another about laundry detergent advertised by a man with a rather boring expression. He said something about just how _filthy_ our clothes probably were, and I didn't really like that one because I felt sort of insulted by the man's blunt attitude. However, I think the toothpaste commercial caught my attention the most; a rather feminine looking boy appeared on the screen. He had a million-dollar smile and an upright posture, but the mere sight of him already had my fists clenching. The way he winked at me through the camera near triggered my gag-reflexes, and suddenly I was feeling a bit more self-conscious. I recognized that face from the time I totally didn't stalk his website the night Rin had mentioned the name of his ex.

Nitori pranced his way around the screen in a way that people might find to be cute. I, however, felt the need to stab myself at just how pathetic he was. As a matter of fact, I couldn't even force myself to look at the TV anymore, because whenever I thought about Rin ever being in love with Nitori, I felt stupid. Though I tried to act like he was disgusting, I felt like I could never compare to someone as famous as him, even though he used Rin to even become that famous. Maybe it was the fact that when Rin was explaining that story to me, he'd said something about Nitori being graceful, something I never was outside of the water. Also the fact that he could both sing and dance, just like Rin could. He was a better match for him, and whenever I compared myself to Nitori, I asked myself why Rin ever liked me to begin with. What would make someone so sexy and rich want to be with someone so plain and dorky?

"Shut it off." I heard Rin's voice from the kitchen. He didn't yell anymore than he had to for me to hear him, but it was apparent in his voice that the commercial pissed him off just as much. Something about that made me smile a little. But trust me, if I knew how to shut it off, I would have done so by now, because just as much as he didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to see it either. Luckily it was over by the time I had picked up the remote in attempt to find the _off_ button, the show I had been watching resuming its play and making me forget all about Nitori and his stupid face. My mind had possessed itself back so intensely into the action that I almost didn't feel the wet towel land on the back of my head.

"I hate to interrupt your movie, but aren't you suppose to be getting ready for practice?" Rin was now right behind me, leaning his elbows onto the back of the couch as he studied my ardent expression.

"Oh yeah, practice, right," I said without making the slightest effort to remove the damp towel from my head nor my eyes from the screen. It wasn't until I felt warm arms replacing the towels wetness from my neck that I angled my face in his direction, to where he then proceeded to kiss my cheek gently.

"Or, I could take you some place a bit more special today?" He did that sexy smile thing he always did whenever he knew I'd agree on whatever he was suggesting, causing me to do the thing where I'd always blush in response.

"I like special…"

.

.

I didn't really know what to expect; Rin hadn't given me any sort of clue as to where he was taking me, but either way, the car ride with him was rather enjoyable. I loved it whenever Rin sang along to whatever song was playing on the radio because his voice never failed to make me swoon. Had I been blessed with the ability to sing, I might have just joined in with him, if I knew the songs that was. Regardless of my glass-shattering vocals, singing was something I considered to be pretty fun. I used to sing along to the radio with my mother whenever she'd take us on those long, for-the-hell-of-it road trips. It was funny; the way we'd put on low-budget-Broadway performances to songs like, _Don't Stop Believing_ by Journey and _Stayin' Alive_ by the Bee Gee's, and still manage to have a damn good time. The stuff Rin listened to, however, was a little less my style. I guess over time when you're forced to listen to a certain genre in someone else's car, you start to get use to it to the point where you might actually be able to say you _like_ the songs they listen to. Rin had this whole _Indie_ vibe about him, and just like my mother and I had felt our songs when we sang along to them, he felt his own. Only whenever he felt a song, you felt it too.

I looked out my window for a while as Rin sang quietly the lyrics to a song called, _Black & Blue_ by Chris Garneau, because had I been watching him sing it, I might have just died right there in his passengers seat. The way he let the words flow out so effortlessly and the passion he expressed throughout ever single note could have easily been the death of me. It was obvious in the way he stared into the road that he could feel the song, and because of that fact, _I_ felt him feeling the song and all I wanted to do was listen; just sit quietly and listen until it was over, so I did. And by the time his flawless performance had completed, I had noticed a great change in scenery from when I'd first started looking out the window. The atmosphere of the town we traveled in now paled in comparison to Iwatobi; it was much more run-down and far more deserted. The buildings appeared to be both old and dilapidated and there were no other cars on the roads. I sat up a bit as my eyes wandered around the area, brows creasing curiously as we pulled up specifically to an apartment building that appeared so ancient that, if I were to take a guess, I'd assume it was abandoned. _Was, uh, this the special place Rin wanted to take me…?_ He turned off the car the second he parked, undoing his seat belt and opening the door.

"Come with me," he said, reaching for a bag in his backseat before exiting. At first I was hesitant, not sure if I should question him or just go along with it, so I decided to just follow his lead, exiting the car just as quickly has he had. His pacing was quite swift once we were making our way around to the back of the building, looking left and right before ducking underneath a gaping hole in the barbwire fence. _What the hell is this all about?_ I couldn't help but think before following him under. I felt like some sort of secret agent's assistant, or a burglar by the way I felt the need to be quiet while following in Rin's stealthy footsteps. We didn't stop until we were right in front of a fairly battered door. The amount of vines and cracks that trailed over its surface was incredible, and it wasn't until Rin made a significant knock onto it that I realized someone must have actually _lived_ behind that door.

"I just have to make a quick stop," he finally made an attempt to explain _something_ to me. However, It didn't help my confusion.

"Where are we..?" I ventured to ask, but before Rin could respond, the door was opening in front of us. I was surprised to see a short, rather thin woman with matted hair and tired eyes peek an eye out from behind it, as I'm sure she was just as surprised to see a confused-faced weirdo standing at her door. She retreated a bit, hiding herself back a little further behind the door before her eyes shifted over to meet Rin. The second their eyes met, she didn't seem to appear afraid anymore. Matter of fact, her mouth gradually quivered into a rather thoughtful smile as she revealed herself from behind the door and placed a hand upon her heart.

"_Oh_, Rin…" Her voice was weak, but the tone of it was unmistakably consumed with delight.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Aida. May we come in?" My eyes shifted to Rin. _Who is this woman, and why are we here?_ I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to appear rude. For all I knew this could have been his mother.

"But of course you can, sweetheart," she said with that shaky, genuine smile of hers. She moved to hold open the door for us, but Rin insisted on taking that job from her, telling her_ he had it,_ to where she then thanked him much too wholeheartedly for such a simple act of kindness. I stood there like an idiot once Rin had finished holding the door open for the lady, not sure on what my role here was, so Rin had to place a hand on my back to guide me inside, because I wouldn't have done so if he hadn't given me permission.

The inside of the house was just as the outside; decrepit, and it sort of made me feel guilty knowing that both the woman and I lived in apartment buildings, only I was fortunate enough to have electricity, and a fridge to place my food, while she had nothing. However, she did have a couple battery-powered lamps and a rather expensive looking couch that sort of threw-off the whole dilapidated atmosphere.. I couldn't help but glance over at Rin once I realized.

"Cris, Ayaka.. Rin is here!" the woman announced once we were fully inside. "Please have a seat, boys."

"We can stand. Why don't you and the kids have a seat. We won't be here that long." Rin lead the woman over to the couch to seat her when two giggling little children came running into the room. They called out Rin's name with great enthusiasm as each of them claimed a leg of his to cling onto. He smiled, bending down to their level to collect them into his arms for a tight squeeze, ruffling their hair a bit afterwards. "Go keep mommy company on the couch," he said, and they obeyed immediately, running over to who I now assumed was their mother, taking her into their own arms the way Rin had done for them. I watched everything quietly from where I stood, feeling a strange bit of emotions welling up inside me even though I was still highly confused on what was going on. But, seeing those children and their mother so happy to see Rin.. and the way he took them into his arms.. It almost made me want to cry for some reason.

"This is my boyfriend, Haru, by the way. Haru, this is Ms. Aida, her daughter and son, Ayaka and Cris," Rin introduced us suddenly, and because I had been a bit lost in my own thoughts at the time, I shied up immediately. I didn't know what to say, maybe a simple _hi _would have worked, but instead I insisted on smiling and waving rather awkwardly at the family on the couch before moving my hand to the back of my neck.

"He's very handsome," she smiled at me. "You're a very handsome couple." I blushed and let out a soft _thank you_ before forcing my hand from off my neck once I realized it didn't need to be there.

"I came here to give you this bag. I was just taking him out for a surprise, but I wanted to stop by and make sure you all were alright." Rin handed the woman the bag he had fished from the back of his seat earlier. "I just hope it's enough. And I promise I'll come back some day to fix that hole in the ceiling myself." The woman opened the bag with trembling hands, unzipping it until her face was a glowing beam of awe at the sight of its content. The way her eyes began to water as she held her quivering hand over her mouth brought_ me_ to the brink of tears. Rin had given her _five-thousand dollars_ and a bus pass that was valid for a _full year_, and the woman couldn't have been any more grateful. Even the look on the kids faces once they saw the contents of the bag broke my heart. I still didn't know who these people were and why Rin was giving them so much money, but at that point it didn't even matter.

"Oh..._oh, thank you_...thank you, so much…" She could barely even speak through all the emotions welling up in her throat as her children held onto her for comfort. Now Rin was walking over to her to take her in for an embrace, adding in the kids as well before kneeling down in front of her to pat gently at her hand.

"Please, don't thank me. Just take it." He stood back to his feet once the woman had calmed down a bit, running a hand through his hair and clearing his throat as if trying hard not to get emotional. "I have to go. It was a pleasure seeing you again, Ms. Aida, Cris, Ayaka. Take care, okay?"

"The pleasure is always ours, sweetheart. You are our angel, Rin. Truly an angel." Rin looked into the woman's eyes only for a second before turning away and shaking his head.

"No. I'm really not... but I appreciate your kindness. Stay safe, I'll come back again to visit soon." He placed a hand on my back to guide me with him towards the door before I had prepared myself to leave, so I just sort of waved quickly at the family behind me as they all returned the favor with genuine smiles, and before I knew it, we were on the other side of the door again.

.

Rin kept silent once we were back inside the car on our way to whatever surprise he had in store for me. And because he didn't seem to necessarily be _upset_ I couldn't read his expression, so I didn't know what it was he was feeling. I figured I shouldn't bother him whenever he had an expression like the one he had on his face now, but I couldn't hold the question much longer; my curiosity overpowered my conscience.

"Who, uh, were those people?" I asked in the most sympathetic way I could, playing with my thumbs as I awaited a response. I was patient with him, letting him focus on the road for a bit until he felt comfortable enough to answer. I, myself, needed to prepare my body for the answer because in all honesty, what would he say? I just didn't know, nor did I have any idea.

"...I don't know." I was quick to focus a gaze onto his profile, more confused than I had been just standing in the apartment with them. "I saw her one day, about eight months back. It was night time. I was driving, and I see these two little children cuddling up to who I assumed was their mother in an ally full of filthy dumpsters and garbage. They looked so cold, so hungry. So, sad. I didn't have the heart to just pass them once I saw them like that. It...it broke my heart. Maybe I'm just weird, stopping for homeless strangers on a cold and rainy night, but I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just left them that way. The moment I saw them, I had no intention of leaving them to sleep there that night. So I stopped. They were terrified, seeing some strange man walking toward them, and there really wasn't much I could do, so I just bent down in front of them and handed the mother six hundred bucks; it was all I had on me at the time. I wish I could have given them more, but the looks on their faces were enough to make me feel a bit better about it. I offered to drive them over to a hotel, where they gave me a week's stay for free just because the owner was a good fan of mine. I placed the stay under my name and gave it to the family, returning the next day to drop off some clothes for them to change into." I could tell now that Rin's mind was elsewhere as he told the story, because he paused for an exceedingly great length of time to focus on the road before letting his eyes close in brief and sighing quietly to himself.

"I never told you this, but, my mother was poor when I was born. She struggled to support the two of us. Sometimes we had to find different places to stay because our electricity would turn off during one of those brutal winter nights. It was too cold for me. I was always sick when I was a child and my mother didn't want to risk anything since she couldn't afford to take me to the hospital if something were to happen to me. It was only after my mother was offered a well-paying job by a man she later married that we moved into a much nicer house. The man became like a father to me, since I'd never actually had one. He was kind, an inspiration. He was rich, and he took my mother and I from nothing and gave us shelter. He fell in love with my mother even though she was at her lowest point. Even though he could have had any high-society woman with money in the world, he chose a poor woman who lived her life sweeping up breadcrumbs to feed to her sick son. He was our hero, my hero. He supported me the entire journey up to my first dance show…" Rin paused again, and I could see his hands sort of trembling on the steering wheel once his voice started sounding a bit more hoarse.

"He sounds so amazing," I assured Rin.

"He was more than amazing. He was the one person I truly trusted in the world." I could see the shift in Rin's expression now, and I dared myself to ask the following question.

"H-how is he…?" I almost closed my eyes for the answer because I felt like I already knew what was coming once I realized that Rin had answered my last question in past-tense. Although, _past-tense_ could mean anything, really. Maybe he moved far away, or married a different woman..?

"He gave his life away to save my mother's." _Fuck.. _"She was ill in the hospital and needed more than three surgery procedures in order to become fully healthy again or else she wouldn't make it. These surgeries included a couple organs that needed to be replaced, but to our misfortune, no one seemed to have the right match for the last one...except him. So, he did what he wanted to do. He gave her the organ she needed even though he had already given the other to his sister a few years back... He died with a smile on his face."Rin tried so hard to mask the obvious pain he'd been feeling just by talking on the subject, but once I was that single teardrop escape slickly from his eyes, I was the one expressing all his bottled-up emotions, and all I wanted to do was hug him; just hug him and never let go. I wanted to yank him into my arms and kiss his pain away, because _gah, _did it kill me when I knew Rin was hurting. I placed a trembling hand on his thigh and rubbed slowly, my eyes already soaked with the tears I'd collected just from feeling Rin's pain so intensely within myself.

"I-I'm so sorry… He, he didn't die in vain, Rin.. He died a hero, like you said...he...he lived an honorable life…" _Why am I crying so much?_ Rin was the one that should have been crying like this, but, I couldn't stand to even hear a story of Rin's misfortunes. I guess my crying stunned him a bit, because he finally turned his head to look at me with a rather surprised, yet sympathetic expression. It was like deja vu the way he pulled the car over to the side of the road once I became an emotional mess. I didn't question what he was doing due to my sobs, but I knew exactly why he'd done it once his hands were on my face wiping at my tears even as they continued to fall. _Ugh_, _I have to stop being so emotional over everything... I'm like a damn female._

"You're an amazing person, Rin, just like him… I wish I was as perfect as you… You really are an angel," I said once I forced away my sobs.

"Don't say that. I'm not an angel and I'm no place near perfect. Never compare me to a man as great as my father." He tried to look away but I pulled him closer.

"You are an angel to me, to that family, to your mother and father.." I stared into his eyes, letting the last tear fall from the corner of my eye once his were back on mine. I don't remember how long we stayed like that, but I wouldn't have cared if it lasted the rest of our lives. His finger worked gently to wipe at that single tear, and I loved the way it felt whenever his fingers traced my skin.

"I love you." Rin now grazed a gentle hand over my cheek, removing a piece of hair from off my eye as his own studied thoroughly on my face.

"I love you, too, Rin.."

.

.

.

I had to fix my jaw upright on my mouth once I came within eye contact of the enormous body of water ahead of me. Someone ought to have held me down because I was _this_ close to diving in head-first right then and there. Not only was an ocean a thousand times better than a pool, but we had the entire place to ourselves.

"You took us to the beach?! I fucking love you." My body was already levitating itself toward the water the second I had stepped out of the car.

Though I wouldn't say it was the _perfect_ day for the beach due to the lack of sun and muggy atmosphere, I'd say I still had the perfect time just being there with Rin. He lied on a blanket as I blanketed myself on top of him, sitting right above his crotch and leaning down into his lips to leave him a few sweet kisses while he rubbed gently the length of my back. Yes, I _had_ lost control of myself the minute I'd stepped out of the car, and yes, I _was_ dripping ocean water all over Rin's body, but he didn't seem to mind; and I could tell by what he said next.

"You're so wet, Haru." He moved his hands around to my front to trace down my damp chest, and by the way he had put on his sexy-voice, I knew exactly where this situation was headed.

"If you say stuff like that, I'm going to be a little more than wet," I said, sticking my tongue inside his mouth as he sucked slowly. I could tell he liked the sound of that by the way his fingers dug themselves into my skin.

"Yeah? Like what?" _Gah_, that _voice_. If it wasn't his teasing touches, it was always that _voice_ and the way his eyes just pierced so...so hauntingly into mine. I shuddered under their enchantment, already stiffening up under his challenge.

"U-uh, like, horny.." I wasn't very good when it came to dirty-talk, not out loud at least. In my head, however, I was a perverted sailor. Rin chuckled that seductive chuckle he did whenever he was turned on by something I said and _Lord_, was I blushing now. Especially after that sneaky little hand of his started running itself down the length of my body to my enjoyment.

"I like that," he whispered, taking my bottom lip into his teeth for a slow and gentle tug, sending yet another shiver up my spine.

"I like you.." I tried to play along as Rin's fingers landed on my nipple, but it's so hard to contain yourself when Rin is playing with those sensitive parts of your body both physically and mentally like this.

"I love you." _I love you more, you fucking sexy beast. Just bang me already._

"I love you too." I combed my finger through his hair once he started feeding on my mouth, gasping out at the slightest part between our lips due to the sensation I was receiving from his talented fingers. The waves made love to the shore in the background as Rin and I made love on the sand. Rin's hands explored thoroughly the full length of my back, causing my body to sort of worm itself closer to him as they stopped inside my trunks to land firmly on my rear, giving it a sturdy grasp before massaging it gently.

"Mmm, Haru, you have such an amazing ass." He squeezed it a couple of times, clearly enjoying the feel of it in his hands, and I couldn't help but smile when I thought about our first practice together. I went from having _a nice ass_ to having _such an amazing ass._ I'd say it's a win.

"You have such an amazing body," I said, and it came out way more seductively then I thought it would. But with Rin's hands on my ass, that was just the kind of mood I was in.

"It's even more amazing when it's connected to yours." Rin was now pulling his hands from under my trunks so that he could use those hands to then pull them down to where my ass was exposed to the ocean. It felt weird at first, being outside like this, but because no one was around anyway, I helped him get me completely naked until I was sat back on top of him with my dick already in the air. He got an eye-full before reaching for my tip to get me going even more. I could feel his own dick inside his trunks underneath me started to get hard as I moaned softly, closing my eyes for a bit once my back started arching. I could only imagine the view Rin was getting now that my hands were clenched at the blanket underneath his as he laid back and watched my reactions to his hand.

"You look so fucking hot up there. Makes me want to fuck your tight ass so _fucking_ hard." He nearly breathed his words, stroking me faster as my moans increased, and I wasn't sure whether I was more turned on by his words or his hand. He pulled me down close to him afterwards, sliding his other hand over to meet with my ass again as a single finger grazed over my entrance. I shuddered and pulsed at his touch, body grinding against him as his finger made tiny circles around it.

"Please...tell me more…" I begged under my breath, clawing at his chest as his dick thickened underneath me. He moaned softly at my plead, sticking two fingers at once into my entrance, to where I cried out in pleasure.

"I want you to scream my name in pure ecstasy while you're cumming all over my chest. You're a dancer now, Haru, fucking dance on my dick."

.

.

.

It was dark by the time we pulled into the parking lot of my apartment. Rin held onto me the whole way up to the front door, burying his face into my neck as I giggled softly. It was seldom that Rin ever stayed the night at my place because it was safer for me to drive over to his during the times when we were sneaking around with one another. Plus, I'm one of those people who are very self-conscious about having someone in their home. I was always afraid that Rin would walk up to me one day with some embarrassing item in his hand asking me where exactly I'd gotten it from. Or maybe he'd find some sort of note I may have written and end up reading it and then questioning me to where I'd have to think up a million excuses as to why I had written it. Or, maybe I just overreacted. Either way, he was here now and I planned to have him enjoy his stay. I wasn't quite sure what we'd do at my boring apartment; compared to his place, mine was just a juice box on a liquor table. Then again, Rin and I could be sitting on a bench in the middle of nowhere and still enjoy each other's company.

The second the door shut behind us, Rin already had me on his lips and pushed up against the wall. I slid my arms around his neck and smoothed my fingers through his hair while my eyes closed under his touch, body-control once again slowly being robbed by his succulent taste on my tongue.

"Oh _gosh_, stop!" My entire body spazzed as I flicked on the lights, Rin's reacting more confused if anything. Our eyes were quick to meet with the source of the holler, widening in pure panic and utter bafflement at just what creature had moused itself into my apartment.

"M-Makoto...? You're...out of the hospital...and, h-how the hell did you get into my apartment...?!" _...Shit._

* * *

**_DunDunDun. Just thought I'd drop a little backstory on yah, then end you with a BANG? (That can be taken two ways). (Also, I do apologize for the length of this chapter and for any mistakes I didn't catch during the revise, edit, and reread process; I was on my migraine meds for the past three days lolol, but I had to get the chapter up!) Ah, I love writing AU's, because I can make the characters I love dearly be as fucked up as I want MUHAH. Thank you for reading, my precious darlings._**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

I've de-crusted my mother's big toe before. I've even witnessed my next-door neighbor back at my mom's bend over naked in the window I so happened to have in my vision. But I must say, having Makoto sitting so comfortably on my kitchen stool to an apartment I'd never given him the key to won the gold metal in _Creepiest Events in Haru's Lifetime_.

"Makoto…?" I asked a second time since he obviously hadn't heard me the first, but his eyes hadn't even lingered for a second in mine once his focus had shifted to the pair next to me. My eyes followed his daze once I realized just what had captured his attention so quickly, when I remembered Makoto's feelings for Rin.

This had to have been the first time Rin had ever held such an obvious expression. His eyes narrowed smugly into Makoto's more enchanted ones, and my own went back and forth in a debate on who to watch.

"Matsuoka…" Makoto breathed. "Oh my God…" He got up from the chair as if the seat had caught in flames at the single mutter of half of my boyfriend's name. "_Oh my God_…"

"Makoto, hello?! Listen to me. Why are you in my house and how did you get in here?" I unintentionally grabbed onto Rin's hand as if claiming some sort of unconscious ownership to him by the way Makoto near moaned his name. It was the first time he'd ever ignored me for someone else, and I couldn't quite tell which one bothered me more; the fact that he was getting turned on by my boyfriend's presence, or the fact that he wasn't paying attention to me..

"I have to admit, I was really starting to hate you once I found out about you dating Haru. I love him too, you know. But...now that I'm standing in front of you…" Makoto referred to me as if I weren't in the room, taking a step closer to us as his eyes met almost seductively with Rin's.

"Why are you here?" Rin's voice was a lot more stern, sort of like the way it had been the very first time I'd ever spoken with him, and it frustrated me to know that I had just asked that question.

"I came here to sleep over my favorite person's house. He made me feel _so_ much better at the hospital." _Oh gosh, Makoto...don't you fucking dare. I swear. Don't you fucking dare._ His expression changed completely once he'd mentioned the hospital, lips quivering upward a bit as if keeping hold on a devious smirk. Rin's face remained the way he'd left it last time I peered over, and that wasn't a good sign. Not at all. I think what made it even worse was the fact that not even his eyebrow had twitched even in the slightest. That's when you knew, Rin was being very patient with you. Very, very patient.

"Oh," he said, simply. Simply to him, that was. As for me, _oh_ was probably one of the worse things he could have responded with. _Oh_ meant that he was thinking. _Oh_ meant that he was remaining mutual in expressing the words he'd truly meant. _Oh_ meant that you better start thinking up some good ideas to write down in your will. Pretty sure this whole _tension-triangle_ had a bigger effect on me than it had anyone else in the room, however.

"Yeah. You're the luckiest man alive. I bet Haru's an _amazing_ kisser." Makoto finally looked at me and smiled. But it wasn't one of his _I'm so innocent and adorable_ smiles, it was one of those smiles you made when you knew you had power. One of the ones you made after your mother told you to stay home from school and get some rest after holding your stomach until she left the room, and suddenly I could feel one of those bowling balls we'd played with earlier clogging up my throat. His intentional hinting, staring so teasingly into my eye as I stared almost desperately back at his in hopes that he'd spare me; it pissed me off. I shouldn't have to beg even with my eyes for my best friend to keep our secrets between us. He was purposely poking around the hospital subject in hopes of causing some sort of reaction out of Rin.

"Indeed," Rin said, and I almost smiled at the face Makoto put on afterwards. The way it sort of twisted unintentionally was enough to tell us both that he didn't like the fact that Rin and I were most likely always kissing, especially the fact that I allowed it as long as it lasted, unlike with him. The way his mouth turned unevenly as if wanting to think of some sort of challenging statement to spit back made me nervous. But what made me more nervous was that very much out-of-place laugh he took part in. It was an awkward-laugh, one of those tension-breaker ones in order to get the subject moving.

"So, you are very sexy…" Makoto was just talking out of his ass now. I couldn't tell whether he was pleased or pissed to see Rin. He went from worshiping his feet, to trolling with his thoughts, back to sucking on his toes. "You know, I don't know if Haru's told you this, but I've been one of your biggest fans since you first started.. I'd love to get to know you a little better. You know, I'm practically the one who introduced you two to each other." Get to know each other? I wasn't so sure about that one. As a matter of fact, that was an absolute horrible idea. I'm just being honest here, but I had no intention on ever having my boyfriend become _friends_ with Makoto, even if I had told him about us earlier. There was just something about the three of us together that made me feel at my highest level of discomfort. Perhaps it was the fact that they were both in love with me. Maybe it was the fact that Makoto was in love with Rin. I didn't want Rin to possibly fall in love with Makoto.. Or, maybe it was the fact that...Well, maybe it was the fact that I did feel just a little possessive over Makoto. I mean, he was my best friend. Maybe I didn't want Rin to find common ground with him and have them start getting closer. Maybe I wanted Makoto all to myself. Maybe I wanted Rin all to myself. Maybe I'm just a little selfish when it comes to people who actually want to be around me; it didn't happen often.

"Yeah, let's do that. I'd love to get to know the other guy Haru's always talking about." Was I really always talking about Makoto that much? I mean, a lot of the things I did reminded me of him, yes, because when I wasn't thinking about Rin, I, most likely, was thinking about Makoto. But, no...this was bad. This was exactly what I'd just mentioned I _didn't_ want to happen. Makoto seemed pleased by it, however. I'd never seen him look so vulnerable, exited, and shy at the same time, and it almost made me jealous that Rin was able to do that to him.

"Uh, c-cool…" he nodded his head. At this point, I honestly think they'd forgotten whose place they were in. Where the hell was my say in all this? Was I allowed to say whether I wanted all this company over? Well, sure I was. Did I question it? Of course I didn't, because I was me, and me never questioned a decision that me was out-voted on, because me didn't like to disappoint others.

.

Pretty sure I had the AC on, but even so, the room temperature had to have been at least at a hundred and ten. I sat between both of them at the end of the table, and man, was it awkward as hell. I guess this was what it literally felt like to be the middle-man in the situation. It was funny how _now_ all of a sudden they were depending on me to keep them entertained. _Now_ all of a sudden it was _my_ house and as guests, _I_ should provide the entertainment, of course.

"I'm going to go uh, change my shirt." Change my shirt, change my pants, anything really just to get out of the middle for even a minute. Makoto lifted a teasing eyebrow at me once I pushed in my chair, shifting his glance to my ass once it was in his view.

"That's hot. Need some help?" _Fuck you, Makoto. Fuck you…_

"No…" I begged him with my eyes to stop doing this while he was around Rin, stop acting like he normally would if Rin wasn't there and be a completely different person just for tonight. Rin didn't know a single thing about Makoto. He didn't know about his sexual sarcasm and how he used it on a daily basis. So to Rin, it probably sounded like he was flirting with me. And maybe he was, but even so, couldn't he put it away just for today? Just this once for me..?

I walked away quickly to get my ass out of Makoto's vision fast enough, cracking my bedroom door behind me and literally changing into a new shirt because if I'd walked out with the same one, they'd question it. I also took that time to catch up on my breathing. I hadn't realized just how little air I'd actually been releasing until I was in an area where I was able to function a bit more properly. Once I felt content with the little bit of space I'd gotten to myself, I almost barged back out my room door before putting my entire body to a pause at the slightest sound of conversation going on from behind the door. _Shit, they're talking to each other without me…_ Of course, _now _they decide to finish their conversation. I managed to crack the door to where I could see only Rin sitting in the stool across the table from Makoto; whose profile had been hidden behind the wall that blocked him from my vision. I could tell by Rin's expression that he didn't find sitting across from Makoto to be very amusing.

"So, how'd you fall in love with Haru?" _Oh no_, _Makoto's questioning him.._ I almost walked out right then and there to put a stop to it, but, now I was curious. How _did_ Rin fall in love with me in all honesty? It was never something we really discussed. I mean, there was that whole argument we had as to how I fell in love with him, but all he'd ever said to me was that I was perfect, which I still don't get.

"Don't know. Just did." _Oh…_ "Guess shit just happens."

"Is that your explanation? Shit just _happens_? So Haru's just shit that happened, you're saying."

"Are you always this asshole? Maybe I should ask how you and Haru even became friends. It's obvious why you fell in love with him. However, _you_ don't seem like his type."

"I don't seem like his type? Have you looked in the mirror lately? Even if I wasn't his type, does that make you more of his type? You are a sex-queen. I'd say I'm closer to being like him than you are."

"Listen to yourself. I was saying he didn't seem like your type because you are an obvious asshole. You're saying he doesn't seem like my type because he isn't sexy enough to be my type? Sounds to me like you're making fun of him, and I won't allow it." It was interesting to hear the way Makoto's voice always went up a few octaves to present enthusiasm whenever he was trying to get his point across, and how Rin's remained blunt and serious. In a way they were complete opposites, but at the same time, they were sort of similar to me.

"You won't allow it? What are you, his mom? I make fun of him _all the time_ because that's just the _relationship_ we have." Makoto had obviously been tensely leaning forward the entire time, because Rin seemed to have given him the time to check himself during a break in conversation, to where I heard Makoto make some sort of throat noise and shift back a bit on his stool. However, the time Rin had given him to call down seemed to run a little over schedule and it made me shift a bit as well. I noticed that Rin had been staring at him rather intensely, as if reading into his expression, and I could hear Makoto tapping restlessly on the table as if wanting him to just say something back already to feed the argument; as if Makoto _wanted_ to argue on with Rin, and once he'd stop giving him anything to feed off of, he'd felt at some sort of loss. "W-well…?" he tried, but Rin insisted on staring him down in the most edgy way possible; eyebrows slightly creased as his eyes burned lazily into his. He stared because he knew it was making Makoto uncomfortable, and I kind of wish I could have seen his face at that time.

"_Fuck_...why are you staring at me like that…? Shit, s-stop…" Rin was being weird. I didn't know what he was up to, but he was being weird. My eyebrows matched his as I watched through the crack of the door, listening to Makoto begin to get flustered.

"Does it turn you on to be an asshole to the ones you care about? Does hurting others pleasure you? Are you one of those guys who's into that freaky chains and whips shit?" I saw a faint smirk sneak at the corner of Rin's lips at that last one as he kept his gaze with Makoto. But, what had me in a state of pure bafflement wasn't his words, but the action he'd finished his statement with. My mouth dropped to a perfect oval once I'd witnessed him send up a giant, black Timberland boot underneath the table and jolted it toward the area which I'm positive Makoto's balls were located due to the way his voice had gone up at least three octaves at contact. I cringed myself, I never expected Rin to be the one to kick in someone's balls without a particularly good reason. When I caught vision of the tip of Makoto's fingers resting on the table just in front of Rin, I could come to the conclusion that his head was down.

"Want me to do it again?" Rin asked with that same smirk, but Makoto seemed to still be trying to catch his breath. It was weird the way he was breathing; it didn't seem like the kind of breaths you would be making after someone'd just kicked you in the balls.

"F-fuck…" he breathed. "_Yes…_"

Wait, _yes..?_ What.

"You like that, don't you? Being punished. You're a sadistic little bastard, aren't you? You enjoy being in pain and inflicting pain on others. I can always tell who the sadists are by the way they smile and make arguments out of nonsense." Rin shook his head but kept that devious smirk as I listened to Makoto's uncontrolled breathing.

"Fuck…" Makoto moaned again once Rin's shoe dug roughly into his crotch area, and I could tell by the shift in the stool that Makoto had spread his legs a little. Damn, the things those boys used to do to Makoto must have really fucked him up if he thought getting kicked in the balls felt good.. It wasn't long before Makoto had jumped into my vision. He shifted himself over to the seat I'd once sat in so that he'd be that much closer to Rin, and I debated on bursting out the door then and there as well, but again I waited. I wanted to make sure I wasn't reading anything wrong before I did so.

But _ugh_, I couldn't take it… I couldn't stand to see Makoto that close to Rin now, but I had to watch everything. I had to be sure what I was seeing was indeed correct, and not some sort of horrible illusion.

"Rin...how hard do you fuck? I want you so fucking badly right now." He gasped breathlessly and lowered his voice. "We could do it really quickly, I just want to touch you for a while..." _Shut up, Makoto! Shut up, shut the hell up!_ Gosh, it didn't take much to turn him on. By now I felt a tear run down my face. Whether this was one-sided or two-sided, I couldn't bare to see it. Makoto was now tugging at the front of Rin's shirt, shifting his body closer and bringing in his lips as Rin continued to stare intensely into his eyes.

You want to find out?" he mumbled in the most seductive way, causing my throat to tighten even more than it had already been as my body began to shake, and not in a good way this time.

"Fuck yes…" Makoto cried softly, feeling desperately for the abs underneath Rin's shirt. Rin grabbed his wrist as his other hand brought the back of his head over his shoulder just enough so that Rin's lips grazed over Makoto's ear.

"Back the fuck off of Haru," he whispered in that ear, just loud enough for me to hear him. "Haru, you can stop _changing your shirt_ now and come talk to me and your _best friend_ over here." Rin wasn't smirking anymore, as a matter of fact he looked rather pissed and disgusted. I, however, tensed up at my name, especially once his eyes met directly with mine through the crack of my bedroom door. He knew I'd been spying on them the entire time..? I rammed the door open with what must have been the most terrorizing expression I'd ever plastered across my face. Makoto was quick to turn around once he'd heard the door, instantly removing his hands from anywhere near Rin as he tried to control his horny demeanor.

"H-hey...you set me up… Th-this isn't fair.. How, how was I suppose to act? Haru, you know I've been in love with Rin before you ever even knew who he was! You're lucky you met me, otherwise you wouldn't even know who he was. I, I didn't do anything! Of course I'm going to say yes if he's opening himself up for me like that… Haru, it's not even fair for you to look at me like that, I saw him first! What if it was us together and Rin was me, huh? How do you think Rin would feel?" His words, his voice; it all pissed me off, so much. The way he got all defensive when he knew he was wrong; I didn't want to hear it anymore.

"Rin is mine," I said, and it had to have been the coldest my voice had ever gotten. I approached him slowly, tears already present on my cheeks even though my voice remained hard.

"Where-what about me?! I have no one here, Haru! No one loves me.." His voice seemed to get louder with each word and it was apparent that he was panicking.

"It's not all about you. Let me have something for once. I thought you said you'd let me have Rin, not try and steal him for yourself. I thought you loved me more, so why are you trying to take my boyfriend away? If this is some sort of sick way to get back at me for not dating you, then...then fuck you! I thought we were best friends and you said you'd grow the fuck up and get over the fact that I'm dating Rin. _Rin_, not you! So stop fucking-"

He punched me. He punched much harder than I would have imagined he'd been able to punch, and twice. I took a blow right to my jaw and another to my cheek. It nearly knocked me out, but once he swung a third time, I saw a few stars on the way down to the kitchen floor. He wasn't done with me; he bent down over me and lifted his fist to swing, and I did nothing to stop him, already quivering on the ground from where my face had already stung, when I saw him being lifted from the ground by the hair. Rin got a good handful of it, raising him to where they met at eye-level, and giving him a nice hard wallop to the cheekbone, followed by another, dropping him on the floor by the third punch just as Makoto had done to me. Makoto covered his face by the fifth punch, and I was able to collect myself back into a sitting position.

It was too much by now. Rin kept giving him blows as Makoto lied there with only his hands as protection. I couldn't, no matter what he'd done, I just couldn't watch Makoto get beat-up. Rin was probably a lot stronger, so I could only imagine just how hard he hit, let alone punched.

"Rin, please stop!" I cried, bringing a hand up for his attention. He had a fist ready for Makoto's face, but as soon as he'd heard my call it stopped in midair, staying there as he breathed heavily due to the amount of adrenaline that must have been rushing through his body. It took him a second, but he managed to let go of Makoto's hair, letting his head fall back against the tile floor. He lied there, hands still over his face without a single movement or sound as Rin hovered menacingly over his weakened body.

"Fucking touch him again, I dare you," Rin whispered by his ear again before raising himself from the ground and fixing at his shirt. I'd seen Rin's violent side a couple of times, like that time when he held me against the wall by my neck at the dance studio, or that time he threatened to rip his dance teacher's head off, so I guess seeing him punch my best friend shouldn't have really been such a shocking deal, but it was in a way. Rin was like this perfect person, but he had this side to him that was so protective, so defensive that it became violent. In a way, I liked it. But, in a way it left me at a loss. I felt like I knew a lot about Rin now, but I still felt that there was this big chunk still missing from the puzzle.

I hadn't even tried to mask the tears that fell from my eyes once everything came to me at once, now that I realized what Makoto did and what I'd said to him and how he'd punched me and how Rin punched him…

"Why do I always ruin everything…?" I turned away from Rin to look down at a tile on the kitchen floor, but even so, I could feel the confusion from his eyes hot on my profile. "I always get in the way of everything and cause everyone stress and pain and hurt… If I'd never even moved here, I bet you guys would meet one day and be happy… And you wouldn't have to worry about me breaking anyone's heart. I'm the one who doesn't deserve to be here, because if it wasn't for me, this would have never happened. You wouldn't have punched Makoto like that.. I'm sorry I made you feel the need to defend me.. It's my fault for being too weak…"

"Haru, stop. I hate it when you talk like that."

"But you don't understand, Rin… I know how Makoto feels. I mean, all this time we'd been friends I'd been keeping you a secret from him. He developed feelings for me that he thought he had a chance with because I didn't tell him the truth. It's got to kill him both ways to know that both the guy he's in love with and the celebrity he's in love with are dating each other...and right in front of him. I drove him to trying to commit suicide, Rin... I'd punch me too, twice. Three times. I fucked up his life, dammit. I'm not a friend at all. I'm just a fucking parasite… I destroy everything…"

"That's not true." Makoto's eyes were red and his face was wet, and I'd assume he'd been silently crying this entire time, but he managed to sit himself up with whatever strength he had, revealing the bruised area of his cheek as he looked weakly into my eyes. "I'm the one that can't control my feelings or accept the fact that you just don't love me like that… I… I'm, bipolar. And I'm possessive, because I've never had anyone who only loved me before. -

"When we met, I was ready to give up any sort of feelings I had for anyone else for you. I stopped having sex with my neighbor's son because I wanted to save myself for you. I'd never been so crazy in love with someone the way I am with you, Haru, so when I found out you were in love with Rin and not me, it was just another big slap in the face. It was just another person in my life who didn't feel the way I felt about them. Only, not just another person really, because you are the most special person in the world to me… You don't ruin my life, not at all. If anything, you've made my life so much better. Sure, you ruin my life in the sense of it kills me that I can't be your lover, and I admit there are time when I wish I'd never brought you to that stage to see Rin. Maybe you'd be mine by now. But having you as a friend and being able to hang out with you and see you almost all the time has given life back to my life. I love you, Haru. Just remember that. And I'm sorry for punching you…and touching your boyfriend."

It was awkward, having Makoto confess such things to me in front of my boyfriend. But, it was so hard for me not to react the way I wanted to. I stared into his eyes with slightly parted lips as he stared into mine. I was still sort of mad at him, but, I just… I couldn't stay mad at Makoto, not for anything. By now, I felt attached to him. He was that one person who pissed you off so much, but you loved them anyway, and you couldn't see your life without them. I didn't want to turn my eyes to look at Rin while Makoto was staring so deeply into them, but I had to. I had to see what his reaction to all this was. By then, he was sitting down on a stool staring quite profoundly at the floor between his feet, and I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. I didn't know if that meant he was mad, or angry, or maybe he didn't care. I didn't know until he cleared his throat to speak.

"I'm not sorry for punching you, Makoto. But, I am sorry for hurting a supportive fan. However, fan or not, I won't allow you to lay your hands on Haru like that. I'm sorry if I've driven you to hating me, but I must say that I truly don't care if it means protecting my boyfriend from getting hurt. I won't lie, your personality pisses me off and this was a horrible first impression on both our parts. However, since you feel so strongly about Haru, I won't be the asshole that tells him not to hang around you anymore. But if I find out you've touched him in any way…"

"Understood." Makoto almost smiled at Rin's ironic approval of our friendship, though I knew deep inside Rin hadn't wanted to approve of me being around Makoto and was worried for my well-being.

.

.

.

"Come on, please!" Nagisa begged, but I really was in no mood to hear it anymore. It really hadn't mattered how many times I'd told him no; Nagisa was as stubborn as a child. "But Makoto won't go with me and you're all I've got… I can't bring Rei, and I don't want to go by myself!" Now he was playing the guilt card on me, and you know how terrible I was at winning whenever someone played the guilt card on me.

Pretty soon, he was in my car and I was driving him to the place he hadn't shut up about the entire ride there. It'd been about a month since he'd last sat in my car, and I finally remembered why. Gosh, I was going to hate myself so badly for this one. By the time we pulled up to the hotel, there had to have been a sea full of people ranging from around age fifteen to at least twenty-one. The crowd was incredible. I know I use that word a lot, but it was. It was just as large as the crowds at the strip club Makoto worked at whenever Rin preformed there. And the funny part was, this guy wasn't even fucking performing.. He was just staying here!

I had to park my car at a meter since there appeared to be no parking spaces available in the hotel lot (or any free road left on the streets). This was already pissing me off so much.

"Nagisa…" I tried.

"Nope! We are already here and I'm not going back." Nagisa hopped out of the car quickly before I could say anything else against the subject, and before I knew it, I was following Nagisa's pink booty-shorts through a pool of both fangirls and boys.

The amount of stares I got were...alright I won't say it, but they were pretty damn high. Whenever someone had come in eye-contact with me, they either gave me a sort of stink-eye or began whispering something to the person next to them as I felt myself becoming more and more self-conscious.

"Nagisa, all these people hate me. Let's leave."

"Don't be silly, not all Nitori fans hate Rin, so they don't all hate you either. I don't hate you or Rin." I was clearly going too slow for Nagisa's liking so he took my hand to chug me along.

"Wait!" I said, snatching it away from his, to where he turned around only for a second to look at me rather offensively, though not once stopping his feet. "I can't be seen holding your hand in public.. not with all these anti-Rin fans here."

"I told you, they're not all anti-Rin! But fine, just hurry up." I noticed that Nagisa had painted his nails pink to match his outfit today as his butt swung from side to side in those shorts. Damn, it was a good thing Rei wasn't here.

Somehow, Nagisa had managed to get us inside the building, even though it would be a long walk back to the car considering how far I'd parked for something not even worth it. I was dragging my feet by the time Nagisa got us into the lobby. There were security guards at about every corner, and I saw Nagisa bite his lip at the fact. I didn't bother questioning anything, because I knew I wouldn't win. I just followed his quick little body from place to place and took the time to stare at his ass while I had the chance. He led us down the hall as soon as a security guard was distracted by a woman with boobs and a map in her hands as Nagisa clicked rapidly on the _up_ button on the elevator. We acted natural once a man with a briefcase and two women revealed themselves from behind the door. The man took notice of Nagisa rather quickly, eyes wandering slickly to check him out, most likely either not considering the fact that he was a boy, or simply enjoying the view of a nineteen year old male in skimpy female clothing.

Nagisa's legs were just as nice as his ass, not to mention his figure as a whole. He looked like a cute girl with that youthful face and big eyes of his, and from the back, could have easily been mistaken; one with a typically male hairstyle, at least. The only thing he didn't wear was makeup and heels. He had a shiny diamond dangling from his belly button that could be seen due to the length of his crop top, and he played with it during the ride up the elevator.

"I'm _so_ nervous, but I'm _so_ excited!" He did a little happy-dance with his hips. "Oh my gosh, I hope he likes me. What if he thinks I'm cute? Oh my gosh I'd freaking die. I hope I smell good. I think I smell pretty good right now. I hope he doesn't think it's creepy that I know where his room is.. As long as he thinks I'm hot it should be okay, right? I hope he thinks I'm hot. I think I look pretty hot right now. Do I look hot, Haru? Do you think he'll like me?" Frankly, I didn't give a single fuck. I just kept thinking about how bad this was. I didn't want to see Nitori, hell no. What would I even say to him? What would he even say to me? Why did I even say yes to this?

"Yeah. You look hot."

.

Nagisa could hardly control his fidgeting as we awaited Nitori's answer. Well, as_ he_ awaited Nitori's answer. I, for one, wished I could run the opposite direction. I was surprised not even one security guard was by his room door; I guess it was because there was a whole ocean of them downstairs making sure the fanwhales didn't bombard the place. By the time the door handle began to move, Nagisa had already lost his damn mind, fanning himself quickly before it opened in front of us to reveal the face I'd highly been despising from a distance right before me. He peeked out, looking from left to right at our faces in clear confusion before stopping solely on mine.

"Nanase Haruka?" he questioned quite softly. _The fuck?_ How the hell did he know my full name? I can see maybe knowing the _Haru_ part, but… At first I hesitated to confirm it, but I figured maybe if I said _yes _he'd close the door on our faces and we could leave.

"Yeah." I glared at him, though on the inside I was a nervous wreck. Nothing good could possibly come out of visiting my boyfriend's ex's hotel room. Nothing. His eyes went back over to Nagisa, giving him a thorough body-check before asking him his name, in which Nagisa near orgasmed at the sound of his voice.

"Come in," he smiled, moving back behind the door as Nagisa got a head-start inside, mouthing something back to me about this being _so cool_, or whatever.

Nitori had already trashed his hotel room, another thing that sort of pissed me off about him - another thing Rin did when he stayed in a hotel room for more than two days. His room smelt strong of cigarettes which made me slightly more relieved, knowing that Rin was against smoking. But it was all just too, _weird_. I didn't feel at all like I belonged here, especially since Nitori took the liberty of letting us inside while he was a little less than half-dressed. He sat on the bed in his underwear, picking up a cigarette that had already been lit and replacing it in his mouth as he stared at us, near giving Nagisa a heart attack. It was strange; he was nothing like I'd pictured him in my head to be. I pictured him to be this prissy little shota who was all sweet and bubbly the way the TV made him out to be, but with first impressions, he seemed to be a rather grungy-pretty-boy, (if that makes sense) the complete opposite. Not to mention he looked a lot older without his stage makeup.

"So," he said underneath the smoke, "you're Rin's new boy-toy, eh?" _Yep, I hate him._

"Actually, I'm Rin's boyfriend, and I'm not that new anymore" I corrected him. He laughed once, taking in another hit from his cig before blowing it toward my face.

"How is he? His sex still good? Losing his touch yet?" Nitori smiled, tapping at the end of his cig before shifting his glance over at Nagisa. "This one's bangable. You guys fuck on the weekends?" he laughed again, coughing once afterwards, and I was surprised Nagisa was still able to stand due to just how swooned he was over this douche. "Anyway, why are you here? Rin send you to spy on me? Take some notes on what color underwear I'm wearing today? Tell him _lavender_ for me."

"Don't flatter yourself, this one wanted to see you. I was dragged here against my will." Was this guy always such a dick? There's no way… Rin had said he was annoying at one point, but he never said anything about him being a dick while they were dating. This was really the guy he fell in love with? Then again, Rin mentioned something about him being nice... I guess the fame got to Nitori's head or something. Makoto had also mentioned something about him and his band being egotistic bastards, or something of that matter. I mean, sure, Notori was bishie-galore, but with his ugly attitude, I couldn't stand the sight of it.

"This one, eh? Come here, sexy. Why don't you keep Daddy's lap company?" Once he patted seductively on his thighs it was as if he'd pulled out a dog treat and Nagisa was a Chihuahua the way he near pounced on top of him. He sat with his back facing me, legs spread wide apart as he clung to Nitori's neck, already panting at the fact that he was in his arms.

"_Oh my gosh...oh my gosh_...I'm dreaming…" Nagisa swooned as he ran his fingers up and down Nitori's hair so thoroughly that it must have felt like a legit head massage. Nitori grabbed onto Nagisa's ass (which now peeked out a bit from under his shorts due to how spread his legs were), running his hands up his back slowly and repeating the process. Nagisa clung to him, back already moving with the motion as Nitori traced his tongue up his neck.

"N-Nagisa! What the hell…" I called, but he had already been taken away by the sensation he felt being in Nitori's arms - he laughed.

"Awh, let the boy do what he wants. I certainly don't mind." Well _I_ certainly did, especially after Nagisa had obeyed his command to _take off his top so that he could suck at his nipples for a bit_. Nagisa spread his legs more and scooted in closer to him, throwing his head back slightly as he moaned out in great pleasure at Nitori's lips at his already erect nipples. And here I was, just standing here watching all this.

"Haru, this is the best day of my life..please just sit tight, I'll be done when…" Nitori traveled up to stick his tongue in Nagisa's mouth, to where Nagisa happily sucked on it. Why was I even watching this? Though I sat on a chair in the corner and waited, it was slightly hard to look away.. Okay, in all honesty, I was sort of studying Nitori's moves. I mean, if this was the boy that Rin used to fuck and love, and claimed he gave the best sex he'd ever had, I wanted to learn a little bit of his ways, for Rin's sake. I wanted Rin to tell me that I'd given him the greatest sex of his life one day. Amazing goals I had, I know.

Was it bad that I was getting turned on by watching Nagisa get fucked by Nitori? Was it bad that Nitori was turning me on at all? _Oh gosh, what am I even saying?!_ I couldn't lie that I definitely had a crush on Nagisa's ass, but I tried to look away for just a minute, clear my head of the fact that it was _Nitori_ and how much I despised him. Nagisa had asked me to hold his phone just in case Rei called, and in all honestly, Rei hadn't even crossed my mind until that moment. Now I felt bad. Now I was feeling sort of sorry for Rei. Here Nagisa was, cheating on him with a celebrity. And here I was, taking him to a hotel so that he could cheat on his boyfriend with a celebrity. Damn, I didn't think this through… I mean, it's not like I'm cheating on Rin by just riding with Nagisa up so that he could cheat on his boyfriend with Rin's ex.. But here I was on the subject of cheating. I never thought of Rin to cheat on me, it had never crossed my mind; I always trusted Rin. But, now that I was here witnessing Nitori having sex with one of his random fans he so happened to find attractive to the point where he felt like banging him, I thought about it… Had Rin banged any of his attractive fans? A lump formed in my throat at the thought of Rin having sex with any random person who was hot and wanted the D. But I trusted Rin. Rin wouldn't do that to me. No, Rin loved me, he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

I shifted Nagisa's phone from one hand to the other as I waited impatiently for the moaning to end. While doing so, I had to jump a little at the sudden feeling of rapid vibrations in my grasp, catching it before it fell. A rather handsome picture of Rei with his name in capitals surrounded by hearts lit up on the screen causing an instant reaction from me. I looked over at Nagisa and Nitori as the phone continued to vibrate, feeling too awkward to intrude, but feeling bad if I let it go unanswered.

"Uh, Nagisa… Phone call…"

"Who is it?!" He immediately threw his head up to look at me, even though just a few seconds ago he'd been moaning quite breathlessly.

"Rei…"

"Shit!" Nitori pulled himself out of Nagisa, causing him to twitch a bit and moan out one last time before Nitori threw a towel for him to wrap around his waist as he grabbed the phone from me. He took it in the hall, closing the door behind him, and his voice could be heard muffled through the walls. Nitori put his underwear back on at least, but that didn't quite help the fact that I felt like killing myself being alone with Nitori in his hotel room while he was replacing his underwear. It just didn't feel right. It was a terrible scene for anyone with a camera to possibly stumble upon. I looked down at my legs as Nitori reached for another cigarette, lighting it up and taking in a big hit before closing his eyes and blowing out.

"Damn, that boy's got an ass. Did you want a turn too?" The rate in which my eyes shot into his was somewhere beyond the speed of light. I waited for at least a second just to see if he'd defend himself or say he was kidding or something. But when nothing followed, the face I responded with must have looked more horrified than disgusted.

"What? N-no! I didn't want to come here at all, remember?!"

"But you're here now, right? I didn't get to finish and I'm still horny as fuck. What's one smash? Who's going to find out, _Rin_?"

"_Yes.._" I said it in the same sarcastic tone he had mentioned my boyfriend's name in. "Besides, I don't like you." Nitori attempted at another hit, only to choke on it once I'd replied to his question. He glared over at me with a rather odd smile on his face.

"You don't like me?" he asked.

"N-not really.."

"Yeah? And why is that?" Was Rin's horrible ex really asking me why I didn't like him? I narrowed my eyes.

"You know what you did to Rin."

"No, actually, I don't. Riddle me, would you? Humor me on all the bad things he's told you about me. This ought to be quite interesting." I tried to see past his bluff, but, I couldn't… The tone of his voice made it seem like he was annoyed, made it seem like he thought Rin to be quite the liar, and I wasn't sure what to make of this situation.

"U-uh, well, you used him for fame." The second my sentence had finished, another one of those _inhale-choke-laugh_ things Nitori did last time happened, and it confused me gravely.

"Is that what he said? I _used him for fame_? So, he actually believed that? Ha! Oh honey, I might as well put this cigarette down for this one before I end up killing myself." I watched as he put out his near-newly-lit ciggarette and cross his legs as if ready for me to go on, a rather sarcastic look plastered across his face. "I'm listening."

"...Are you hinting that you _didn't_ use him to promote yourself? Are you trying to tell me that he's lying?" I raised an eyebrow at him as he cleared his throat and signaled for me to roll a little closer to him in my chair. I was hesitant at first, but he wasn't going to tell me anything if I didn't, so I did, waiting impatiently for him to elaborate. He combed his hand through his hair slowly before starting, strictly to tease at my dangling question.

"Let me tell you a little bit about Rin. You've seen him naked before, I'm sure." It wasn't a question, so I wasn't sure if he wanted me to respond until the pause went on for too long, causing a rather forceful nod out of me. "Great, then you've seen his scars."

"...What about them?" I didn't like talking about Rin's scars, I'd never even asked him about them. I sort of just ignored them completely, at least I tried to. Rin used to cut himself due to a period of depression; I'd learned from the article I read that day. But, that was about it. I never brought them up during intercourse. They just lingered there on the top-inside of his thigh where we left them. I guess I sort of just assumed that it had something to do with his father after he told me that one story about his life. Or maybe the time when he'd been terrified of negative opinions when he first started dancing, so I didn't ask because I didn't want to open old wounds.

"Have you seen any sort of difference in them from the first time you'd seen them to the last time you guys smashed?" Nitori studied my eyes as I envisioned the scars. I'd memorized them; a couple lines crossing each other to form X's on his inner right thigh, stopping at about four-inches down. They were small, not very noticeable, but they were there. They were always there.

"Not really, why?" Nitori made a face that showed some sort of deep-thought was going on in his mind.

"Interesting. Well, he probably hasn't told you about them then. Allow me to explain." He fixed himself to were he felt comfortable, taking his sweet time with a stretch in order to tug at my nerves before beginning.

"When I was with Rin, he was very protective. I was a big fan of his at the time, so I liked to be close to him. I liked for my friends to see me on TV with him or in photos because I just thought it was _so cool_ to be dating him. I thought he was this cool guy and I loved watching him dance. Of course I was in love with him, he's fucking Matsuoka Rin. When I finally got to meet him for the first time, he kept pushing me away, so I kept chasing him and chasing him until I made him fall in love with me as well. I was a lot different then, though. I was a lot more naive. I had a band, well, I _have_ a band, but at the time I had the same band I have now. We played at a coffee shop a lot, and you know how it is for a local band; they don't want to be a local band, they want to be global fucking rockstars. This is where the part Rin accused me of using him comes in; Rin's famous, right? Correct me if I'm wrong here. In all honesty, I don't see anything wrong with having your _famous boyfriend_ help you boost your fame a bit, right? I mean, you might as well. Why waste so many years trying to get noticed or hoping some sort of agent will _just so happen_ to come to that coffee shop one day and hear you when - hey, you have a famous boyfriend. -

"So yeah, he helped me a little. Sure, I asked him to play a couple of my songs at his shows and promoted my band when paparazzi was around. But I don't see how that was a problem. Technically, I was famous too. I could use paparazzi to promote my band if I fucking feel like it. And you know what? Our band went global in a friggen month, man. And I'm the wrong one here? That shit fucking worked. It had nothing to do with me _using_ Rin, I was _using_ the cameras he was around to promote myself. So go ahead and let him cry you a fucking river over how in love with me he was and how much I broke his heart. That's what he did, isn't it? It's his own damn fault I dumped his ass." When Nitori spoke, he spoke in a way that was so..legit? that it made you almost believe him. The tone in which he formed his words made you feel stupid for even asking, and I wasn't sure what to believe. I mean, the way he worded it almost made it sound like Rin was just looking at it all wrong, but I couldn't jump to conclusions just yet, because I was highly confused.

"So, what about the sex-tape then?" Nitori took a quick-pause at that, laughing as if he'd totally forgotten anything about a sex-tape once brought back to memory.

"Oh, that thing? Well, that's where the scars came in to play. Rin was obsessed with me. Like, _obsessed_. Bet he'd never admit that to you, huh? He can deny it all he wants but he knows it's true. He may hate me now. Hell, he may even despise me, but he's lying to himself if he says he's completely over me. Those scars on his thigh, they're from all the times I came home late. He cut himself every time I promised him I'd come home on time and didn't to the point where he needed rehab, because he's fucking nuts. I got over him as soon as I realized just how crazy he was, he can't get over me no matter how hard he tries. He was so obsessed with me that he stopped smiling once I broke up with him. But yeah don't go hating me for "using" Rin, hate me for the truth; the fact that I came home late to him every night because I was out having sex with a bangable fan. Hate me for that reason at least. Yeah, I cheated on him; he wouldn't let me leave. I cheated on the fucker every single night. And he expected it, which was why he got all depressed. I mean, he was the one who always said something about sex being a beautiful thing, so there was no reason for him to go all emo on me whenever I came home late and smelled like cigs and sex. He's really never told you this, has he? He only forgave me all the time because he didn't want me to leave him. -

"Now about the sex-tape; I only made that as an excuse to dump his ass. Surely, if I made a sex-tape and blamed it on him publicly, he'd want nothing to do with me. Worked like a charm. Anything that interfered with his career was a no-no. Boohoo I ruined his rep; he's a fucking erotic dancer. He has sex with himself onstage. No one cared if he made a sex-tape. They could just watch one of his performances some girl with a shitty flip-phone camera put on YouTube; free Rin porn for all. It wasn't even a big deal. It was only a big deal because I claimed he forced it on me. So what? It's not like I said he raped me. It's obvious in the tape that I was the one riding his ass anyway. I don't see where his rep was hurt at all. That's just one of those stories when people ask, _why'd they break-up_, you say, _Rin forced a sex-tape on Nitori_. And then that's it. End of discussion. And you know what? Not a single fuck was given after that conversation, I guarantee you. And the note, I see your lips moving, I know you want to ask about the note I left him. Basically, just something to piss him off enough so that he'd know that I didn't want him back. I _wanted_ him to think I used him as well so that he wouldn't come running back."

* * *

_**OH MY GOSH, long-ass chapter… Raise your hand if this took you two days to read, lol. Sorry I cut it all suddenly like that, but it was just getting WAY too long, and that shit was going to be a nightmare to edit, haha. **((It wasn't))**. (So Nitori and Rin like totally switched anime roles here lmao, or did they...? Hm. The powers of AU.) "NitoriNagisa?! What the hell are you doing, Author-chan!" Hey, it was for a good cause (...my secret feels. Shh.) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this long chapter. And as always - Thank you for reading! Stay beautiful, my loves.**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

* * *

"I want to show you a video." I hunched over my legs, placing a hand on each knee to stabilize myself so that catching my breath would be a slightly simpler task. Rin patted my back as he passed me, later throwing a small towel over his shoulder and grabbing his water bottle from off the bench to replace it with his butt. I collapsed in the chair we'd been using for the technique since he insisted on doing a quick run-through of tonight's performance before answering any of my questions. He patted the spot next to him on the bench as to signal for me to come, letting out a pleasing, yet slightly annoyed sigh after removing the bottle from his lips.

I took in one last breath before forcing myself out of the chair and into the spot next to Rin, collapsing there instead.

"That last dance has been removed from the list, by the way. You're only going to be doing the first one for tonight." Rin reached in his bag for his phone as my head slowly turned in his direction, still slightly gasping for air.

"Then," I breathed, "why did you make me do it…?" I kept an even tone while Rin kept his eyes on his phone, scrolling down a couple images he had saved in it.

"Because it turns me on to watch you do it. You've really blossomed." _Blossomed.._ he said it with a straight face too. How does one say the word _blossomed_ with a straight face? Rin clicked on a video and turned the screen horizontally to make it larger. I couldn't really be pissed about the fact that I'd done an extra dance for no reason after Rin had just told me it turned him on. I almost smiled, that was, until I took a good look at the video-still on his phone screen. My throat clenched up a bit, making it all the more difficult to breath as my discomfort took a turn for the worse once I recognized the face of my boyfriend's ex I had admitted to talking to the other day on the screen.

"I won't have you acting like this around me, though; looking like you're going to cry any second. Lean in." I didn't think he noticed. Once I'd spoken to Nitori the other night, I couldn't shake the thought of Rin possibly still being in love with him… Rin cutting himself over him...Rin not giving me the full story… I told him everything, because I needed to. I needed to know the truth. I had to tell him that I'd been in Nitori's hotel room, because I felt dirty and sneaky keeping it a secret. I had to tell him everything he said about him, or else I'd feel like I was gossiping about my boyfriend things that may or may not have been true. It was obvious by the way he'd gone all _teacher_ on me that he was mad, or upset, or maybe even scared, but I wasn't sure which part of the story he was reacting to. Maybe it was the fact that I'd been in his ex's hotel room. Maybe it was because I talked to him at all. Or, maybe it was the whole thing… He hadn't said anything after, just told me we were running numbers one and two now and to get ready as he went to turn on the music. This made it a bit awkward. I knew I had upset him, so I tried my best to give him a performance he'd be proud of so that we could talk about this afterwards - So that I didn't give him yet another thing to stress over.

Rin pressed play on the video, and with Nitori being the first thing to appear on the screen, I didn't know what to expect. The video showed a rather clear, yet slightly shaky picture of Nitori waving to a couple of fans and cameras as he was chauffeured in by none other than my boyfriend. It made my stomach hurt to see that bastard's arm around Rin's, and I wondered why he was showing this to me at all. The boy holding the camera to the video (who I assumed by his voice was around the age of ten or so) called out to Nitori and waved - the woman next to him (who I assumed was his mother) waving also. Nitori acknowledged them when the boy called his name, flashing the family a sincere smile and waving back as the screams morphed the audio.

The video clicked to a new scene, this time outside somewhere under a tree. By the scenery and the outfit Nitori had been wearing, I could assume this part had been taken on the same day, possibly a few hours after the first clip, and by the same boy, of course.

_"Nitori,"_ the boy called, without his mother this time. Nitori was quick to hide his cigarette once he looked toward the camera.

_"Look kid, stop fucking following me, turn the fucking camera off, and delete the video."_

_"Where's Rin?"_ the kid asked.

_"I don't give a fuck right now. Go the hell away."_

_"Don't you love him?"_ the kid moved in closer, clearly working Nitori's nerves as he got up from his sitting position.

_"Hell yeah I love him - that faggot is making me millions, boy. Easiest shit since Preschool. You got all that, huh? You fucking gettin' all this shit? Good, because if I see it somewhere on the internet or TV, I'm coming for your scrawny ass, got that?"_ Nitori put his hand violently over the lens and the video ended.

Rin wasted no time to go back to his homescreen and lock the phone to where it went black, staring somewhere between his knees and the floor before any further conversation between us took place. The look on his face, though I was sure he'd watched the video plenty of times before, appeared quite unusual for him. It wasn't a normal Rin-face; it looked slightly more hurt. I wanted to say something, but the lump in my throat had gotten a lot worse once the video was over. I mean, I was relieved to know that Rin hadn't lied to me, but I felt awful about this video; for Rin's sake. I know he had once came to really love Nitori, and to know he'd come to love someone so shallow, so heartless, it pissed me off. It made me angry, it hurt me. Rin didn't deserve that, and he especially didn't deserve the way Nitori secretly felt about him.

"I...I'm sorry…" because sorry was all I could feel. I was sorry I'd ever doubted Rin, sorry Rin's first love was nothing but a scam, sorry that I probably wasn't good enough to mend the hole in his heart completely. I didn't know, I was just sorry. Rin remained silent for a while, placing his phone back a bit more roughly into his bag and resuming position soon after.

"I try not to watch that video," he said softly, clearing his throat and continuing to avoid my eyes.

"H-how does he still have fans…?"

"The kid didn't show anyone because he was afraid. But before he deleted it, he sent me a private fanmail through my website with the video file attached to it, saying that he wanted me to see all the mean things Nitori said about me. This was after the breakup when he finally decided to send it to me. Had he sent it before, I probably would have been the one to leave Nitori. I did assume he was using me at one point, but I thought he loved me, and I loved him so to me it just felt like I was helping my boyfriend be happy, and that was all I wanted, so I didn't think anything wrong of it. I was sad about the breakup, I was. I thought, _how could he do this to me? How could he blame a sex-tape on me, and then leave a note saying thank you for the fame?_ It wasn't like him, I thought. It made me hate him, but not yet; it was hard to hate someone you'd loved so much. Until I saw this video. This video made it official - he was using me, the entire time.. And I hated him for it. I'd been so in love with a person who only loved me for my money and fame. I didn't mention the video to you before because… I don't know. I didn't want to bring it up. I hate the video."

"I understand, I'm sorry…" I was scared to touch him, but he just really looked like he needed a hug or something, so I placed my hand on top of his and rubbed gently at his knuckles, hoping it was okay to do so.

"The kid wanted me to post the video for him because he was scared Nitori would hurt him like he'd promised to. He wanted me to use it against him because Nitori'd been mean to him, but I never did. I figured two wrongs don't make a right, and if I posted the video he'd know where I got it from, and I didn't want to have Nitori come after the kid, because he would. Trust me." _Trust me; _something I should have done from the very beginning.

"I'm sor-"

"-No. Be sorry you even talked to him, period. Be sorry for yourself for even having the displeasure of being in his presence. Why…? Why would you talk to him about me? I thought you to be smarter than that, Haru. Of course he's going to make me sound like a complete psychotic freak - He's out to get me, he's wanted to ruin my career ever since he worked hard to try and pass me on the top celebrity listing, and even after he did. I don't know why, and I don't think I'll ever understand. All I can think is that he wishes to be the ultimate celebrity or something. One that's richer than most and far more popular, and that, once he's passed you in level of fame, you're not worth his time anymore and he wishes to destroy you. I'm not saying this is true, but what other logical explanation is there to all this? I loved him, it was clear, so I just don't get it otherwise unless he's just naturally a heartless person. Feeding you lies was probably part of his plan to get us against each other - just another thing to break me until I lose my motivation to dance anymore. You've watched the sex-tape interview; Nitori can convince you that butter is toothpaste and make you feel stupid for thinking otherwise, but that kid caught him for his true self." Rin looked at his watch off to the side, giving me the chance to hang my head in shame. I'd disappointed Rin by talking to Nitori, and I hated myself for that… I should have been smarter, he was right. I should have been smarter than to ask Nitori about Rin after he'd told me how terrible he was. I was stupid to believe even for a second...

"Rin…" Though I'd been listening rather intently to everything he had said, I couldn't quite shake that one thought that kept screaming at me from the back of my mind. "P-please, tell me why you cut yourself…" Rin finally looked at me; rather intense eye contact coming from either end of our exchange. He looked almost shamed, playing a bit in the inside of his cheeks with his tongue before closing his eyes for a sigh.

"Yes, a couple cuts did go to Nitori. No, it wasn't everyday or because he came home late or even because he cheated on me - I didn't even know that until you told me. That just..._huh_...makes me hate him even more. I cut because I was too fragile. I couldn't handle my emotions. I cut whenever I was depressed about anything. I only cut twice for him, though: one of the times he didn't come home when he promised he would, I had been washing clothes that night and I found the underwear he'd worn the night before with this white stain. Sorry if this is awkward for you, but we hadn't had sex the night before because he didn't come home, so I knew it wasn't mine. But what made me cut was the fact that I still loved him even after finding that. I was pathetic, trying to think of a thousand excuses for that stain and ending up just cutting away the emotional pain it gave me and pretending I'd never even seen it when he came home. I believed that it wasn't because he cheated on me because it hadn't even crossed my mind that Nitori'd cheat on me; he always told me he took care of his grandfather at night. I guess I should have figured when he refused to let me help him... The other time was after the break-up. But, that was it. Any other scar was simply because I was weak, and I felt there was no other solution for me."

One thing I particularly loved about Rin was when he talked. Whether it was something funny, something sweet, or something terribly tragic, when Rin talked, I could do nothing but listen. I laughed with him, cried with him; whatever he was feeling, I felt it with him. My arms found their way around his waist, pulling myself closer to rest my head on his shoulder. This was one of those times where I could feel his pain immensely, not so much the Nitori part this time, but the fact that Rin was secretly weak, like me. He put up this wall, this defense, as to hide his true side from the world, and when he was tired of hiding the emotional pain, he bled it all out. He expressed his passion, his emotions through dance, and the closer our relationship became, the more I felt he was expressing his true passion through me. I held him, leaving tiny kisses on his shoulder as to show him that I still loved him, and that I wanted him to be happy. I didn't like, no, I _hated_ the fact that Nitori had caused him any sort of physical pain, and I wished I could delete the scars he'd left him from his body.

Rin's arms scooted around me quickly once I'd began sharing with him my own affection, allowing him to return the favor. He grabbed onto the back of my head with one hand and pulled me in closer, letting the other one tug firmly at the back of my shirt as his face buried into my shoulder. He held me like that for a while, silently, only the sounds of his occasional sniffling echoed through the studio as my grip became tighter with each one.

"Did he touch you…?" His voice was muffled; mouth still in my shoulder as I rubbed his back softly.

"N-no, I would never let N...no, gross…"

"Good." Rin brought his head up to look into my eyes, hands now placed gently on the sides of my cheeks as his face drifted closer to mine, lying sweet lips with my slightly more dry ones as he breathed in my sent. When his eyes closed, so did mine, and I let my hands fall weak onto his thighs once he turned to straddle the bench. He tilted my head up as he moved in closer, hovering his body slightly over mine as I ran my fingers to tug lightly at the hem of his shirt. "I love you," he said once our lips parted for a moment.

"I love you too, and I'm sorry.."

"Don't be. Ever since I met you, I never even felt the urge to cut. You make me happy, Haru. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

.

.

.

_Breathe, Haru. Breathe._ Oh gosh, I was sitting in the passengers seat of Rin's car on my way to a gay bar about an hour away from Iwatobi to put on my very first live performance. Rin and I had been working hard these past few months to get me to the position to where I even felt comfortable without a shirt on in public, let alone for an audience. But, I had to admit, I was somewhat proud to even be in the state of agreeing to doing this performance at all. This meant that I was gaining even the slightest bit of confidence in my image. This meant that I was becoming a bit more like Rin, and I liked that fact. Though, it wasn't necessarily the shirt part I was worried about; it was remembering all the moves and performing them flawlessly on stage. I had to make Rin look good out there, there was no way I could allow myself to embarrass him.

"Haru, ease up a bit, you're shaking the car. Take this from me - as long as you keep your mind on the dance and not the audience, you're going to do good. If you need a place of focus, focus on me. Pretend I am the only one in the room. Act like we're alone at the studio and do it the way you did it for me there. You did it good for me there." I thought I was feeling okay about this, but it was clear that I was getting more and more nervous the closer we got to arriving. I guess just hearing Rin say I did good was enough to calm me down for just a bit.

"Okay…" I said, closing my eyes and taking in a deep breath as we pulled up to the building. We parked in a back lot behind a gate as security held open the door, later allowing us access into the backstage entrance. I received a text from Makoto on the way in. _"I love you, Haru. Good luck tonight,"_ it read, and I was sort of grateful for that text because every word of encouragement counted right now. I told Makoto I'd be preforming with Rin tonight, not asking if he'd wanted to go because I knew for a fact that he wouldn't, considering what Rin and I had in store for that stage. He was bitter about it at first, but regardless, he took the time to cheer me on from afar, which I gravely appreciated.

"Haru, I'd like you to meet my Wardrobe Lady's sister, Helga. She'll be assisting you in putting on your outfit for tonight." The woman held my outfit, giving me a rather serious glare and suddenly I didn't think I needed help slipping into a pair of black leather panties.

"Whoa, Rin! You said I'd be wearing the butler thing…"

"Yeah, but Helga thought it was ugly and not roomy enough for you to maneuver on stage in, and that the pinstripes didn't look good on you, so she and I both came to the agreement that the story would be just a little more erotic and you'd look a lot sexier as a kitty-maid," Rin smiled.

.

"Are you sure about this…?" I revealed myself slowly from behind the curtain, already feeling an uncomfortable breeze in places I was normally clothed. I could tell by the way Rin's eyes became slightly heavier as they scanned my body that I was indeed under-dressed. I never thought I'd be the one to wear leather anything, and I didn't like the way it felt riding up my ass in these skimpy _"shorts."_ Not to mention, stockings are itchy. They matched the leather shorts and the black of my bowtie near perfect, rode up and stopped right above my knee, and I had a couple sparkles splattered here and there on my face and chest.

"I'm sure... Damn." Rin let his glance linger down to my legs, causing me to twist them in response to his eyes, slightly embarrassed by my presence. "Hey, stop that. Let me look at you, because there's going to be hundreds of people looking at you out there. Jerking off to you." _Well shit, Rin, when you put it that way I can't wait to get on that stage._

The last step was the whiskers and cat ears - all black. Helga added a bit of eyeliner to make me stand out more onstage with the lights, and when I finally stood in front of the mirror to see the completed look, I had to say, I didn't look bad. I kind of looked, _pretty?_ It was weird in a way; I still looked like a boy, but with the eyeliner, booty-shorts, knee-highs and all that other shit.. it made me look more _pretty_ than handsome. I was like Nagisa right now. Though, I couldn't help but crease a brow at the image; I didn't feel like myself. I mean, _me?_ In eyeliner and skimpy clothing? Onstage? I secretly pinched myself. Thank God he let me slide with the heels.

"You look fucking sexy. Like a Gothic kitty princess maid."

"What exactly does a Gothic kitty princess maid look like? I'm barely wearing anything."

"You. So they look sexy. We figured the tail would get in the way since it's a lapdance, so you'll go on without it. Follow me soon, kitty-cat, we're on in five." Rin grabbed my chin for a sloppy-wet kiss, winking at me before heading out the door, and being the ass-man that I was, I took the time to watch him strut until it was completely out of my vision.

If I looked good, then Rin looked orgasmic. Rin and I were doing this performance together. Well, I'd be doing most of the work considering I was playing the role of the (now) kitty-maid (originally just a sexy butler) putting on a show for the horny rich man he'd been in love with since he'd hired him. Rin wore a somewhat see-through white button-up with a red bowtie, a top hat, and red pants to match. We spent a couple days on the _undoing-bowtie-with-teeth_ routine until I was doing it like a professional - like a paid stripper, but more lovingly, I guess.

I checked my phone one last time before readying myself toward the stage, picking it up to an illuminating screen that vibrated with my mother's face on it. I became aware of my surroundings as I lifted the phone up to my ear, lowering the volume a bit before hitting the answer icon.

"Nanase Haruka, you don't call me anymore! Is it because you're busy making-out with your famous boyfriend?" my mother laughed. She'd been greeting me the same way ever since I told her about Rin. "Sweetheart, I told you to kiss a ten, not a ten-hundred and sixty!" My mother's an even bigger dork than I am. She doesn't know diddly-shit about pop culture, so telling her I was dating anyone famous was like letting her I'd won the lottery over nine times. "What are you up to? Bet I can _guess_.."

"Hey mom, actually I need to hurry up and get onstage; I'm on in a few minutes so I can't chat right now."

"Onstage?! And you didn't tell me? Shame on you, I would have came!"

"Uh…" I looked down at my bare-sparkly chest and leather speedo-like shorts. "Er, I don't think you'd like it…"

"Course I would. What'dya do again, dance?"

"Uh yeah... Something like that."

"Well, good luck tonight, my little Haruka darling. Shake it! But not too hard," she laughed. "Aw, I miss you. I love you, Peppermint!"

"Hey, Peppermint - Your ass. Stage. Now." _I thought I turned the volume down to a reasonable level.._ Rin's voice was suddenly on my neck and before I could register I was being dragged from my seat. I mumbled a quick _L__oveYouTooMomBye_ into the phone before throwing it onto Rin's bag that was lying on a stool and following him to our starting positions. Or should I say, following him to probably the most outrageous thing I'd ever agreed to take part of in my entire awkward life.

.

.

The song was _Dance For You_ by _Beyonce_, and that's exactly what I was going to do. I took in a deep breath. It became pitch black as the lighting adjusted itself to the correct setting, gradually fading in at the stage after our performance introduction. The first sight to appear on the stage was Rin, and the crowd's reaction was immediate. They went mad after the very second of witnessing Rin's sexy figure laid over on a single couch, appearing to be sleeping with his black top-hat pushed over his face as the music began. And that was my cue; the cue to begin my strut. _Oh gosh_, I could already feel the crowd's eyes watching me once I'd appeared from backstage in hardly anything at all. I heard a couple of whistles over the music, but as Rin had told me to do, my eyes remained only on him as I worked hard to steady my breathing.

_I just wanna show you how much I appreciate you_ - The very few lyrics that cued me to slowly remove the hat from his eyes, to where he'd react as if I'd woken him from falling asleep on the couch. _Wanna show you how much I'm dedicated to you_ - I crawled on top of him, and here comes the part where those hours of _teething-off_ his bowtie paid off. My eyes never left his as they burned deeply back into mine, trailing my fingers underneath his blouse to begin loosening his buttons while I thoroughly rotated my hips from side to side to mimic the motion of a pendulum, hovering only slightly over his legs. He watched me carefully, and I was sure with his hands slowly riding up my legs, he could feel me shaking. _Just think about me_, was the look in his eyes, and I listened to them. I wouldn't embarrass him tonight.

_Wanna show you how much I will forever be true_ - I grabbed roughly onto his shoulders as to show dominance, sitting on his lap, and once the beat started, my legs spread open wide in front of him as I threw my head back, later winding my body at full down onto his as he grabbed onto my hips - my ass exposed for the audience's enjoyment. Though, I had forgotten all about the audience when Rin was looking so fucking intensely into my eyes. _Wanna show you how much you got your girl feeling good_ - I opened up his shirt, ran my hands teasingly down his chest, and backed off of him, turning to where my back was now facing him and I was facing the audience. I bent over in the most seductive way I was capable, rolling my back down slowly as to give Rin the full effect of my ass poking in his face. While in said position, I took both hands at his knees to open his legs, later bending down into the space between them.

I landed with my own legs open as well, exposing my crotch to the audience. However, with the near blinding spotlight, I didn't see much of them, or at least I tried not to; I just wanted the parts where I was staring into Rin's eyes to stay on forever. Luckily, _Beyonce_ sang, _I wanna show you how much I hate being apart_, and I was able to turn around and feel myself up for Rin's enjoyment, legs spread wide over both of his as I winded my body down to where my lips hovered closer to his as his hands traveled around my rotating figure. Then came the part where our crotches met. With his hands planted firmly at my hips, I sent in progressive grinds to his crotch and stomach, letting my body worm to where my stomach met with his. Pretty soon, he had moved his hands onto my ass to help push me into him and add some more pressure to the area. I loved his face during this moment; slightly parted lips and greedy eyes.

Right now, we were back at the studio, just the two of us practicing. Right now, it was just me and him alone doing what we've done a hundred times, only a lot more clothed in all honesty. Practicing for this performance rarely ever _didn't_ turn into something else. It was only until it got closer to the day we'd be performing it on stage that Rin told me to control my arousal. Me saying the same to him on some days. But right now, even with the lights and the costumes and the stage and the audience, I could actually say that I felt safe in Rin's arms and eyes. It was almost more romantic here; showing everyone our love, though I don't know why really. I guess it was because tonight I think I felt the song more than I'd ever felt it before. It took me some time to agree on it after watching the video for it - surely I couldn't move my hips like that (even though he told me we'd be incorporating our own moves as well). But, I was doing it. I was doing it because Rin was my backboard, my guardian. My lover.

_That's why I'm backing this thing back, dropping this thing back_ - As the song said, I backed my ass back into his crotch, dropping it in between his legs as they spread wider for me. His hand ventured in between my legs as it ran past my crotch to reach my stomach. That was the part that never failed to make me moan. I ground into his hand while it was still there, thinking, _Da__mn, thank God my mother didn't come to this show._ Everything seemed that much more slutty when it was onstage and being shown to a group of horny people who were mostly gay men and soggy woman. I moved my hands to his knees to raise myself, twisting my hips from left to right on my way up his body to start my strut around his chair. Once behind him, I lowered myself into his reach as to run my fingers down his chest, my tongue grazing his neck while he reacted to the motion. I later swung a leg over his shoulder to hump the back of his chair as he ran its length with both a hand and tongue. I took it away from him before he _got carried away_ so that I could glide back in front of him for my solo.

I dropped myself more gracefully then I'd ever been capable of doing down to the floor as my hips did a sexual dance between Rin's legs for the audience. Throwing my head back into his crotch, I spread wide and rolled my body under my own hand as Rin fingered through my hair. I later shifted into a crawling position where my face was now at his middle, rising up his chest and brushing against his body as he guided me with his hands. And there I was, back straddling him and grinding his dick rougher than before, trying so hard not to get a boner as Rin near pleaded into my eyes. I guess what kept me motivated the entire time was that look in his eyes, really. It was a look that said, _once this is over, I'm going to fuck you so hard tonight._

* * *

**_My body is ready for the next chapter. *perv grin* Spoilers: yaoi. ((Beyonce's lyrics to Dance For You belong to BEYONCE. Not me. I own no lyrics!)) Do listen to the song, pay attention to the lyrics and watch the video, though. I had to use this song, it was just PERFECT for them two. Thank you for reading, my dears._**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

* * *

Rin just couldn't wait a full hour to get back home, and trust me, he wasn't the only one. Driving must had been killing him just as much as staring at the bulge in his pants killed me, and I guess it didn't help that I was sort of teasing him. But, I couldn't help it; I was so damn horny. And besides, my hands were lonely with Rin's being occupied by the steering wheel. I wanted to do something about it, so I removed the armrest that lied in between us, reaching my hand over slowly to rub a little up and down the inside of his leg. I studied his profile, watching as his eyebrows creased in anxiety.

"Dammit, Haru…" he breathed as I flashed him greedy eyes. "I'm going to have an accident…_Fuck_…"

"I can't keep my hands off you." I clawed at the areas I'd once rubbed, making tiny purring noises as I still felt like the kitty-maid I'd portrayed for him on that stage. However, even though my penis dominated my thoughts at the time, I didn't want him to feel too uncomfortable while he was driving, so I sadly removed my hand shortly after.

"No, don't stop." Rin turned at me once he'd pulled up to a stop light, and the face he put on was enough to make me sweat. "Keep going," he said. Rin reached for my hand once I'd taken too long trying to register his words through my pulsing adrenaline and brought it back over to his crotch. He guided my way around the area in small circular motions, letting go of my hand once the light turned green so that I'd know what to do - so that I knew what he wanted. He breathed the word _fuck_ at least three times throughout the ride as I massaged the area between his legs as thoroughly as possible, forcing myself not to squeeze or do anything too teasingly just yet - I'd save that for later.

By the time we pulled up to the hotel parking lot, nearly seconds after Rin had turned off his car, I had already taken off my seat belt and was crawling my way into his lap. I spread a leg to either side of him, licking at his lips a few times before he stopped me with a firm grab to the bottom of my lip with his teeth, causing me to gasp out a pouty sigh.

"Down, kitty. Just a few more minutes," Rin whispered, and that was enough to turn that pouty sigh sexual, producing a sound a bit more seductive into his ear before forcing myself off of him, getting out the car as he did.

It was a nice hotel, really. Probably the nicest I'd ever been in. But, I didn't really give myself the chance to take it all in due to just how intensely I was thinking about getting fucked hard by Rin. Even the walk to the room was agonizing. I clung to Rin's waist as he opened the door, already breathing unevenly from my horny demeanor. It hadn't even been a second after it closed behind us, yet I wasted no time to pounce on him, letting my mouth near devour his at full as my anxious hands grabbed for his shirt. He did the thing where he picked me up, clawing his fingers at the cheeks of my ass as my arms straddled at his neck, our lips not once losing connection.

He didn't take me to the bed just yet, however. No, because why take me to the bed when the kitchen table was conveniently placed _right there_. The moment he lied me across that table was the moment I spread for him, giving him more than enough space to maneuver himself between my legs as he began raising up my shirt and landing sloppy kisses upon my lips in the process until his chest blanketed my still-slightly-sparkly stomach.

"I can do it too, Haru," Rin said on my lips, and I didn't even question what he'd meant. Instead, he showed me, letting them part slowly from mine to travel their way down the length of my body, stopping just as they met the fasten of my jeans. I sat up slightly - needy, yet somewhat curious eyes piercing into his pleading ones. And _gah, _did they always look that much sexier from that angle. I knew what he'd been on about once his teeth grabbed onto the fabric that held down the button to my pants, and suddenly the _bowtie routine_ had turned into the de-pantsing routine as he disconnected the two to expose the top of my underwear. Next, of course, was the zipper - grabbing onto it in the same way and pulling it south. A breathy moan escaped my lips as I felt the very slight sensation of the zipper running down my erection in honor of Rin's mouth, licking my lips in response. As much as I enjoyed it, however, patience was not something I took part in when it came to getting each other fully naked, so I did the rest of the honors in removing my shirt for him until all that was left to remove was my underwear. That part I'd gladly let him do, whatever way he'd wanted. It was fine with me. However, taking off my underwear hadn't occurred to him just yet because, since he was already in the neighborhood, he helped himself to a good nibble at the fabric that covered my crotch, taking a bit of my penis between his teeth in the process. I moaned out harshly, wrapping my legs around his neck and arching in reaction. He smiled at my squirm and I sat up completely soon after, taking his hair into the creases of my fingers as they grazed thickly through. I kissed the top of his head, a deep breath escaping through my nose.

"Strip for me," I whispered once his head was cradled in my stomach. "I want you to strip for me, Rin. Let me see your sexy body at full." I was biting my lip again once Rin's eyes burned back into mine, my fingers riding his sides as his body slowly inched its way back up mine, his fingers clawed at my thighs. He teased me with close lips, backing away from me before letting them touch, and leaving my legs in their widened position as I didn't bother to move them. Instead, I moved my hands, letting them rest over the spot Rin had once nibbled as my eyes studied closely his movements. I took every last inch of skin in as I watched him gradually glide a teasing hand underneath his shirt, eyes never leaving mine as he did so, and mine not even attempting at leaving his. The higher he brought that hand, the higher his shirt followed, until he decided to add another hand to reach for the opposite side of the hem, pulling his shirt effortlessly over his head and letting the sleeve roll down the length of his arm, hitting the ground gracefully as I parted my lips. I ran eyes over each crease on his stomach, eye-fucking his abs as the hand that rested on my crotch began to rub unconsciously.

Next was his pants. Now I was aware of that hand, massaging my crotch slowly as I watched Rin run his own down every section of his abs. I shifted a bit when he turn his back to me. He then proceeded to place his hands on the wall in front of him, letting his back arch slightly as his ass poked in my direction. Turning his head to the side, he let out an unsteady breath, and my eyes widened at the view.

"Come here. Get down on your knees and do it for me, pussycat." Rin arched a bit more, allowing his cheek to rest on the wall as I became prisoner to the command, hopping off the table to approach him immediately. Having Rin all bent over in front of me like this was like finding gold at the end of a rainbow, so while I had the chance, I took the opportunity to lean over him and start by running my hands up and down his chest, stopping slightly longer whenever I reached his nipples, and tracing down the length of his stomach before reaching his hips. Seeing Rin in this position drove me crazy, and I wasted no time after my short tease to pull down his sweatpants, taking his underwear with them until he stood there, legs slightly parted, back arched and ass in my face. I pulled down until they were at his ankles, him doing the honors to step out and kick them to the side as I kept my eyes at his beautiful ass. _Gah_, seeing Rin's perfect ass at the perfect view caused a sudden breathy moan to depart my lips, and I couldn't stop myself from motor-boating it a bit, using my nose to maneuver my way between.

I took a cheek into each hand, squeezing at them roughly before spreading them apart to where I had enough space to add in my tongue. I let it trace its way up until it was teasing at the perimeter of his hole. He fidgeted, and that alone made my grip on his ass a bit tighter, causing my tongue to gain a bit more speed. He spread wider, back arching more once I let my tongue inside his entrance. I moaned myself, treating my tongue as if it were my penis and jabbing it in and out of his asshole, moving it around whenever I let it stop inside him. He moaned almost breathlessly, grinding back at my tongue as his hands became claws on the wall. It was fun being the one to get Rin all hot and bothered; he always seemed to be the one doing most of the work, and whenever I forced myself at him, somewhere between the moans and the touches, he never failed to take control of me. So I let _being the dominator_ soak in while I had the chance.

I let a hand slide around his waist to feel for his dick as I continued to eat-out his ass, playing with the tip for a bit as he released an airy breath. My dominance didn't last long, though, because after about a minute of teasing, he took my wrist in his hand to pull me closer to his back, dropping himself slowly to his knees. Now being at my level, I watched as he turned to face me, uneven breaths rising and falling at his chest as he reached out to grab my shoulders.

"I want your dick in my mouth," he whispered, taking in a turbulent inhale. I blushed at his confession, placing my hands at his waist and scooting in closer to his lips until they hovered at his.

"Go ahead, but you have to finish undressing me first." I let my hands travel to his dick until he forced me onto my back with those hands on my shoulder, letting my head gently hit the floor as he placed his fingers at the hem of my underwear, pulling them off to complete the final step in getting me naked. I let out a moan at the feeling of freedom; it felt a lot better without underwear holding in my arousal. I guess I got ahead of myself because I began running my fingers through Rin's hair while his face was at my dick, but I stopped once I witnessed his body shift over mine to where his ass was now back in my face again and I had perfect view of the underside of his balls. He looked down at me from underneath himself, the expression on his face apparent as to what he wanted from me, and just the position we were in caused a bit of precum to start spilling from my tip. Rin lapped it up instantly, which only made it worse, and while his lips were at my dick, I took his tip between mine.

Now it was my turn to fidget. I just couldn't keep still whenever Rin did anything to me, it always felt too damn good. I licked my way around his dick as he bobbed onto mine, my saliva now covering it at full as I traveled my tongue under his balls. The corners of my lips drooled as my back arched at the feeling going on at the other end. I had to stop at one point so that I could moan and spread a bit more whenever the feeling became too much. Whenever the feeling became too sensational, too good. However, before I got carried away, he lifted his ass a bit higher in the air to remove his dick from my mouth, releasing his hold on mine as well and leaving me at a loss as I lied on my back panting for more. Rin turned to me, crawling back up the length of my figure so that his face was now at mine, letting his slightly heavier body rest on my chest as his dick brushed up against mine, causing yet another breathy moan to escape my lips.

"Damn, you're a horny little kitten, aren't you? Purr for me, Haru. Let me know just how hard you want it." I ran a hand throughout his hair as he sucked at my neck, clinging hard and trying to catch my breath at even the simplest touches. Moving my hands onto his back, I traveled slowly over every crease and curve I could find, letting out a soft _purr_ at his ear, to where he responded with a trembling breath and kisses for my hickey.

"Mm, more...do it again, Haru, kitty-cat." His voice had the power to make me cum alone; so raspy and sexy at my neck, but I held it in, letting out a slightly higher-pitched moan as his dick ground rhythmically at mine. I purred, because I was pretty good at it I guess. Rin seemed to enjoy it at least. I guess it was the vibrations of my neck at his mouth that made it all the more pleasing whenever I purred for him. He bit down, slightly lower this time, causing my body to jerk at the meager pleasurable pain, and I let my fingers scratch at his back when he licked.

.

The bed was a lot more comfortable than the floor. Rin's naked body brushed roughly against mine as our tongues deep-throated each other's mouths. I grabbed onto his ass, legs spreading as I ground back into his dick with a shattered moan.

"_Gah_, I love the feeling of your hard cock banging up against my stomach. It drives me insane.." Rin moved a hand down the side of my chest. "Would you like me to stroke you, kitty-cat?"

"Yes.." I moaned. _Fuck yes._

"Yes what?"

"Yes, Master…" Rin had this thing where he liked to _role-play_ whenever we had an entire night alone to have sex. At first it made me a bit uncomfortable, but after a few times of doing it, I actually grown to like it quite a lot. It definitely added a bit more flavor and intimacy to the bedroom, and something about the roles I always ended up playing made it feel that much more sexy. Tonight we were creating our own little story to add onto the performance we'd put on earlier, about what happened _after_ the lapdance the kitty-maid had given his master.

Rin took my dick in his hand, sliding up and down its length before gradually picking up speed, running over the tip a few times with his thumb as I let my head fall back into the pillows.

"You're a dirty little kitten, aren't you? Just waiting to get fucked hard by my pulsing dick." Rin's strokes became rougher, and I let my lips part in response, breathing uncontrolled as I moaned breathlessly at his motions.

"Y-yes, Master."

"You want me to cum inside that tight-little hole of yours, Haru, kitten? You want me to spread you wide until you're throbbing for me to release myself inside of you?" _Gah_, I couldn't take it. I didn't want to cum until Rin was officially fucking me, but that voice...those words...that hand…

"Y-yes! Mmm..Master!" I did it anyway, because there comes a point where you just don't have a choice anymore, letting it ooze out of me as I cried out a fitting moan. It shot out and landed on my chest instead of his, some settling on his hand as I collapsed within myself, breathing audibly as Rin licked his way up my chest to reach my chin.

"Good kitty. But first, we're going to try and build you up a bit more."

"I-I'm not done...please, just fuck me now, Master…" I looked thirsty, hungry, horny. My eyes devoured his as my chest rose and fell dramatically underneath him. He grinned at the sight of me; so desperate for his touch. I almost reached out to grab him once he'd crawled off of me, standing himself up at the end of the bed as I scanned over him carefully.

"Spread your legs more," he demanded. It took me a second to register it; mind so intensely occupied on wanting Rin's dick inside of me, but I listened, spreading to give Rin a better view of my already-throbbing-again dick. "More," he ordered, and I spread until I couldn't go any further, already going insane from receiving these demands from Rin at this angle, viewing his perfection from between my legs. _Such a sexy face...such a succulent body_, I thought, not stopping myself from lapping up a bit of drool at the corner of my lip. "Good boy, now stay like that and don't touch yourself. I'll be right back."

I let out a confused, yet airy sigh as Rin threw on his sweatpants without replacing his underwear, walking out the room door seconds later. My eyes lingered at the door he'd left from, and I closed my legs to sit up for a second. My entire body felt heavy as I rushed myself from the bed, shuffling over to the window to create a tiny space for my eye to peek out behind the curtain. Rin had parked the car coincidentally within sight of our room, so I had a perfect view of his ass bending to reach something in the backseat. He was out almost as soon as he'd gone in, his legs near sprinting back over to the entrance of the hotel with some sort of bag in his hand as I quickly made my way back over to the bed.

My legs spread the second he'd opened the door, acting as if I'd been that way the entire time. Cock still pressed up against my stomach. He closed the door quietly, shaking his sweatpants back off the second he let go of the handle and maneuvering his way back to the end of the bed. He took a quick glance at my dick before squatting down to where I could only see the top of his hair and unzipping the bag he'd brought back with him. He smiled once he took whatever it was out of said bag and stood to his feet. I didn't really bother trying to see what it was behind his back, however - I was much more interested in his dick.

"It's not much, but it was all I had. I've always wanted to try eating something off of you." When he said _eating_ I instantly expected Tootsie Rolls, but he revealed to me a rather long stick of..._er_... "It's a jumbo Pixie Stick," he confirmed, and I eyed it down, sort of hoping he wasn't planning to do anything too kinky for my style with it. _Maybe Makoto..not me - _Chains, whips and Pixie Sticks did not excite me. My hole sort of twitched at the thought, but before I could respond, he'd made his way back onto the bed, crawling to where he stopped just at my crotch before biting off the top of the Pixie Stick. Bringing his body forward to where he was now hovering over me, I had to moan a little. His dick was just so close to my entrance.

Rin started by pouring the sugary substance onto my left nipple, both of us watching it trickle out of the container until my nipple was now a powdery white blurb. I felt weird, that was, until Rin moved his tongue onto the area. He licked it so, _thoroughly_...so, _sexually_, and it turned me on just watching, let alone feeling it. I fidgeted as he lapped up my sugarcoated nipple until it gradually showed itself from under Rin's tongue. I was sure after a while that it was completely gone, yet Rin continued to lick the perimeter of my nipple as it remained hardened by his touch. He did the same to the other before releasing a trail down my stomach, sprinkling a bit onto my dick. He cleaned up what he spilled as he spilled it, tongue traveling the length of my body until it wrapped its way around my penis, rough strokes dancing around the surface.

That was it. I could no longer lie there and be teased. I wanted Rin and I wanted him badly and I wanted him_ now._ Right the fuck now. _So, fucking, badly._ I couldn't lie there and have his tongue snake around my dick like that anymore. No, I needed his dick to snake its way to my entrance and pulverize my asshole. I wanted it to hurt so fucking good that I couldn't even walk in the morning.

"R-Rin…" I moaned. "M-master, I mean.." He looked up from my dick, giving me those eyes that told me he knew exactly what I wanted, but loved to watch me squirm.

"What is it, kitten?"

"P-please, _fuck me_… Fuck me until I'm crying your name. Fuck me until I vibrate at your touch. I want you, Master. I need you. _I need you_...cum inside me. Explode inside me. Fucking leave me seeing stars." I begged until I was only breathing the words, Rin's eyes continuing to study mine which only made it worse. He moved his face from my dick, now trailing his way back up my body as my dick throbbed at the simple touch of his lips at my neck again.

"Purr for me," he barely whispered. If he hadn't been so close to my ear, I wouldn't have heard him at all, and that alone caused both a chill and a moan as breathy as his words to escape me. I purred, letting it vibrate slightly longer for Rin's enjoyment. He kissed at my hickey, sending heated breath into my ear as he played gently with my lobe. "Tell me more," he begged, dick moving closer to my entrance. It was like his dick was the toy and I was the desperate kitten trying to pounce on it, furiously searching for the magic words to end my chase and get him to move inside me.

"_Ah_-I… I want…" I couldn't even remember, because the tip of Rin's throbbing penis was already circling its way around my twitching hole as he awaited my words. I was already moaning, already a mess, arching my back at the feeling and closing my eyes. "I want you to ram me until I beg you for mercy. I want your rock-hard cock inside my pulsing hole, and I want it, n-now…"

"..._Fuck_…" Rin moaned into my ear. I must had said the magic words, because it didn't take long for Rin to move himself to where he was hovering over my slightly sweaty body, and the face he had on almost made me cum. It had to be the sexiest one tonight.

"A-and… I want to try it, doggy-style…" I'd been curious since I'd witnessed Nagisa and Rei's quick sample of it. Did it feel any different doing it that way? I mean, by the way Nagisa was screaming that night, I could image it felt quite good. I blushed up at Rin's hovering body as he blushed at my sudden request. Rin always loved to look at my face whenever we had sex, so having me ask to do it doggy-style must have caught him off-guard a bit, especially since he'd been so close to entering me. He probably wondered where I'd even got that term considering I'd only ever had sex with him. Then again, you learn a lot from porn, considering that was all I had to live by before I met Rin.

"My kitten wants to do it doggy-style?" He almost laughed. "You're a wild little kitty, aren't you?" I bit my lip, almost smirking back, but I hadn't had the chance before Rin had transformed into a tiger right before my eyes. He flipped me over so fast I didn't know what hit me, and pretty soon my hips were being clutched by firm claws as he ran his back over mine to leave one last whisper into my ear.

"Okay. But just keep in mind, there are people next door."

I opened my mouth to respond, but my attempted words had turned into a high-pitched whine from the unexpected thrust of Rin's penis ramming inside my entrance. It surprised me because Rin always started me slow. I mean I did beg for it earlier. And besides, this was what I always wanted him to do to me during sex; start it off with a bang.

Rin moved roughly inside me, jolting himself as I ground back on his motions, grabbing onto the sheets and wailing at each effective thrust. And trust me, they were all very, very effective. They just kept coming - faster, harder, and I just kept reacting to them - louder, desperately, arching my back and winding my hips into it the way I'd done on the stage earlier. I could hear Rin's grunts in synchronization to my pants and cries, only adding pleasure to the sensation of the heat rising inside me. My ass poked up higher the more I arched, and pretty soon, it felt like we were vibrating by the way Rin kept hitting all the right spots. Saliva streamed from my mouth as I humped the mattress below, later having no choice but to grab onto my own dick and start beating at it, punishing myself even more with the already pleasurable enough sensation of Rin's thrusts.

I screamed his name, gasping for air as I felt myself at the brink of cumming the more we kept it up. Only seconds after my cry, I couldn't hold it, letting out an elongated moan from my orgasm, throwing my head back as my legs vibrated a bit just to feel him on that spot just a second longer before he came soon after, crying out with him as he moaned from the cum exploding in my ass. Once satisfied with his release, he collapsed on top of me, his stomach rising and falling onto my back as mine arched into his due to my own unbounded breaths.

We lied there for I can't remember how long, eyes closed, Rin's bare stomach on my back as his arm wrapped around so that his hand lied on my shoulder. After a while of that, however, somehow I'd turned to face forward so that we could make-out in silence for a bit, no more than our lips playing passionately with one another.

"Let's go take a shower so we can get some sleep," Rin whispered once our lips parted, nuzzling softly at my nose afterwards. I grinned a bit, nodding my head and wrapping my arms around his neck as he scooped me up bridal-style and carried me into the bathroom.

My toes reached slowly for the floor of the shower, Rin placing me down gently from his arms as I gazed into his eyes. He returned the gaze only for a second before turning on the shower and letting the water pour down upon our bare flesh. I closed my eyes at the feeling, letting the water soak itself onto me as Rin's fingers slid around my waist. His kisses were sweet at the hickies on my neck, and I felt calm, protected by those kisses and those arms, and the water around us. He pulled me in closer and I ran my hands up to reach his shoulders.

"I love you," I said, resting my head in the crease of his neck.

"I love you more," he whispered back, giving me yet another chill. I moved off of his shoulders soon after, now placing my hands on his cheeks so that he'd look into my eyes.

"That's not possible." I grazed my tongue over his lips and he grabbed it gently between his teeth.

"Why's it not possible?" he asked, hands now reaching for the soap and a wash cloth, mixing the two with the water and beginning to rub down my chest.

"B-because, you're perfect in every way." I watched his eyes as he moved the cloth to my stomach.

"What if I think you're perfect in every way too?"

"But that's different, because I'm not actually perfect, you are."

"No, I'm not. What makes you think I'm perfect?" He kept the cloth going, washing me like I was his child, and I let him.

"You're very kind, patient, mysterious, beautiful…"

"So are you."

"But, you're sexy and…"

"So are you." I blushed, eyes looking almost nervously into his as he moved back up my body. Hearing Rin, the sexiest man alive, call me sexy was just...I couldn't put into words what it was. It just, _was_. And I liked it, biting my lip in response. He took that lip away from me, though, biting it for himself before reeling me in again and kissing me softly. "You're perfect for me. And as long as I'm perfect for you, I'm happy with being perfect."

* * *

**_What who wrote this. Hands, you perverts. I swear, they have a mind of their own. *slaps hands laughs nervously* Anyway, thank you for reading, my sweets. I appreciate it loads and loads._**


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